End of a Busy Year

We were out this past week in Raleigh spending time with the Raleigh Durham Tarot Meetup group at their monthly meeting when someone asked my husband if I had blogged lately. He mentioned this to me in the car on the way home, and I said I hadnt in such a long time. How crazy is this, it has been about a year since I last blogged! I have literally been that busy - that this is the first time in almost a year that I have had a chance to blog, and I'd bet I havent done a reading for myself in about 6 months too - not good.

The good thing is that I have been that busy, and while I have not been reading much for myself, I have been doing a lot of reading for others, which I have loved. This has been my busiest year professionally, and I am really happy about that, because this is really what I love to do. Of couse, I cannot quit my day job yet, but I am closer to that than I ever have been. I kidded my mother last month saying by the time I really get to where I need to be to do that, I will have a great retirement business..LOL.

In thinking what I have been doing all year that has been keeping me from writing and reading, it really has been busy. Most of my time has been spent with my daughter, putting out many teenage fires last spring. Summertime was spent getting her ready to head off to Israel this fall, it was like a part time job! I thought once she left this September I would be overwhelmed with the amount of free time I had, but I dont think that was the case..not sure how that happened.

We ended up moving at the beginning of October to a bigger house. With Blysse boarding at school last year, Eric and I downsized to a smaller house. After the spring, we decided maybe boarding school is not the greatest idea for a teenager and decided to have her be a day student again this coming year and next. The house we had was entirely too small for all 3 of us, we were on top of each other and the kitchen was really small. With just 2 of us this was not an issue, but with 3 of us it was becoming frustrating. Even then, though, we were planning to just stick it out since Blysse will be leaving after next year and we are soooo tired of moving. As well, we have no idea where Eric will end up teaching when he is done is lisensure so we really were trying to persevere, but I do have to say I was never happy in the smaller place, i just could never find a place for myself, but i was trying! We were out and about and I happened upon a sign for this house and just for curiosity sake decided to check it out, and I just fell in love with this house. So needless to say, I spent the month of September packing and October moving and unpacking. And working 2 jobs, sometimes 3 with tarot reading.

Blysse left for Israel the first week in September, returned November 19. She had an amazing time and came home soooo grown up! Its such an odd thing because as people and individuals, we are very spirtual, but we are not necessarily religious, in fact most of the time we kind of rebel. I hate going to temple, and while I do love my Jewish friends and we have much in common, I do not necessarily adapt well to most religously practicing people. It just does not seem to be me. And Blysse is not much different, she is probably even more extreme that way than I. Yet, raising her to be Jewish has always been important to me. She was Bat Mitzvahed even though she hated it, even though I had hated it as a kid.. i wanted her to be confirmed as well. She goes to a Jewish high school, and while it is pluralistic, it has an intense dual ciriculum that overwhelms her and sometimes, many times, really turns her off. The content does not as much as the structure they have laid out that kind of forces the practice on the kids, and when she shares it, i do empathize with her and I know I would not like it either.

And yet, being involved with the high school, going to Israel, has been the best thing that has happened to Blysse and our family. I think being involved with this high school has saved her life and made changes for her that we had not been able to do. Israel totally changed her. What an amazing place - it is at the top of my list to see (thats right, my kid has gone there and I have not.. lol). Somehow the Israelis are able to do the thing that we, here in the US, have the worst time achieving with our kids - they make the kids feel important, make them feel that they make a difference, and they come away knowing that if they were to not return or leave Judaism it would be devastating, giving them a sense of purpose and importance to a country and people and life. I dont know how they do this, what their secret is, but thank G_d for it. And while it has not made Blysse more religious in practice, it has made her more of a Jew, and while I could not explain that here in a blog, I can definitely relate and say I feel the same way.

She wants to go to college there, which I hope she is able to do. I would miss her terribly, i do not relish the idea that my only child would be on the other side of the world from me, but going there has given her a sense of peace there that she is never able to find here, and I want that for her. Maybe it is just she has found the 1 place in the world I would not or could not live in..LOL.. something else I can relate to.. urrrgh.

In the meantime, I have been doing tarot! I have been reading for 3 new clients, which has been a huge learning experience. I also did some reading at High Point University twice in the last 4 months, in September and again in November. My friend Danny is a talent agent and had booked me for these. This last time in November, he also booked Eric, who did an amazing job! Not sure if it was Tarot or the college coeds that inspired him..LOL... but he had a great time and did an amazing job.

I was over the summer working on practicing Kabbalah magic, but had to stop for a bit on moving. Just not the space or the time, and it does require a daily practice and ritual. The weird thing is in my other house, I did not have a specific room for ritual and meditation, but in my new house I do. Unfortunately, there is a person renting an apartment on the other side of my tarot room, which makes me kind of uncomfortable, as sometimes you can hear things between the two rooms. I love my tarot room because 2 of the 4 walls are glass, letting in the light and energy of the day, one of the doors leads out to a courtyard with greenery and birds and its beautiful. The other door I try to keep the blinds closed on because others can see in. But for some reason, I am feeling inhibited in that room when i try to chant and stuff.. Its a detail I need to work out because I have not finished the first level and need to do so, it definitely grounded and centered me better.

So I did what is probably my last or second to last reading for myself for the year:

1. What I have: Ace of Pentacles.
2. What I need to know: 4 of cups
3. Outcome: Queen of Cups reversed.

While money is not totally overflowing, I am definitely financially in a better place right now than i have been in quite a while - working 2 full time jobs does that though..lol. Health is okay, could be better, but I am working on this. But really if I think about it, the Universe gives us what we need, and I can say that I do have that right now, I can see that currently I am working with the entire suit of manifestation both in my career and health and prosperity.. working very hard, working on what I want, what I have, what i need to do to move on. I just signed up for the Readers Studio for 2010- I am beyond excited about this. I missed last year, and I am looking forward to reconnecting, its such a great thing for my spirit when I go there.

Friend-wise it has been a struggle this year, maybe since summertime, where while I have more friends than I have had at any point in the last 5 years, they are more people to do things with but not people I can say genuinely like or love me or appreciate or even are aware of my better qualities. This is a huge source of pain for me, most of which is strictly on me and my problem. But it is not something I am used to. My close friends, and I have a number of them, unfortunately live around the country, but when we lived together I always felt very accepted and loved. I do not necessarily feel that way here and while I am in a space to be myself, it does not seem there are any people here besides Eric to share it with, and that is different and strange and sometimes kind of sad. And I do not always understand it except to think that it is about my choices, which need to be adjusted. Adjusted to what, I am not sure.

This leads me to the second card of what I need to know - 4 of cups. Maybe there is something that I am not seeing that is right in front of me or maybe there will be something that will be in front of me that I need to pay attention to.. Maybe I need to spend some time in contemplation thinking about what is in front of me and recognizing it.. What is standing out to me in this picture is the hand holding the chalice..

The outcome does not appear to be someone I want to be - needy, un-nurtured - not sure that I am not already grappling with reversed queen of cups right now.. hopefully this doesnt mean it will be worse by end of week..lol

Well, its been 30 minutes and I need to get going - have a full day of movie, then cookie x-mas reception, then maybe another party if the weather holds, we will see. But I have less than an hour to shower and get my tail outta here.

Its been great visiting though. I am going to make some time for this more often, ive missed this. One of my goals for this year is to make this writing and working on my kabbalah project and finishing my first level. I will be teaching beginning Tarot end of January, and I am definitely putting it out there that I want to get out into the community doing tarot more often as well.

Thank you to whoever reminded me that it was time to start being more present again -