A Joyful Release of the Past - Life is Sweet and So Am I!

Okay - so i have been a total Tarot slacker over the last year. Not even since my last post, but really over the last year. Im not sure why.. I guess I could say Ive been busy, but thats not really the truth. Im not sure why.. I just have not been so inspired.

I think that is really how I could describe my last year's time, uninspired. Wayne Dyer would say to be inspired is to be in-spirit, so I guess to be uninspired would be not to be in spirit, which I might say would be more accurate than me being to busy to blog or do Tarot. And you need to be in spirit or working toward being in spirit to do Tarot, I think. I think being in spirit or getting in spirit is what Tarot is all about.

It was a different kind of summer, and a rather frustrating one. Id say I would put the whole year into that category. It really kind of came to a head for me this fall, though, in more than one way. I realized after an exchange with a person who I used to call friend but would never describe them as such that I was spending my time or upset when I was left out of spending my time with a lot of people like that.. those who would say they were my friends or who I would introduce or refer to as my friends in conversation or in passing but would never describe them as truly being that way. In fact, I would frequently use them as examples of people who were not my friends.. and yet frequently find myself upset when at the receiving end of their unkindness or thoughlessness or lack of consideration - afraid to let go and release this for fear of what I find myself left with. I dont think I realized how poisoned my life was becoming from this until .. even writing this blog!

So what does this have to do with the Queen of Pentacles? A lot I have realized - and you will be surprised.. i know I was!

So after I began on my journey of cleaning and clearing out my life of the muck that was weighing me down, both emotionally, physically and spiritually.. luxuriating briefly in my empty space.. kind of like when you are ready to move into a new house.. and you are in there walking around enjoying the echo of your boots on the floors there waiting for the moving truck to pull up with your furniture.. I decided to slowly fill my life up again, this time with things that were good for me.

First thing - I signed up for a meetup on internet marketing. So my webpage is undergoing some changes in location and some other stuff that are not done yet.. but i have started and am working on learning. Great!

Next - as if on cue - a new secrets class! The secret to.. thats right.. the Queen of Pentacles! Her mystery, as described by Wald, is love in its simplicity, her secrets are touch and the scent of rain. I was at first very confused by these things.. because I would normally associate love and its components with cups. But in looking at her face, I think I can see her unconditional love of everything, just simple love and acceptace. Its almost Empress-like.. but the Empress is very earth bound, and I do see some similarities in the two cards.

As I always do with class, I took the Queen of Pentacles and planted her on my desk, and waited for her essence to hit me and work with me that week. And a very strange thing happened. I realized as she sat there in front of me throughout my week, how very un-Queen of Pentacles-like I am..LOL. If I were to do an array, I would put her at the end of it, furthest from who I think or see myself. Not good... because she is a wonderful card and avatar, and I definitely could use more of her characteristics!

For instance.. if a situation would come up, I would say, how would the Queen of Pentacles approach this.. and I would answer, and it would not be anything like Maris (Queen of Wands) would have any natural part of..LOL. But I saw that there are many qualities of her that I need to embrace far more than I have or do..

My health finally caught up with me this past fall. I ended up having to have my gallbladder finally removed after 20+ years of living with a gallstone, now gallstones. This came on the heels of the final blow-up with this group of people I was hanging out with for 2 years. It was interesting when I spoke with my friend Brad and told him about my upcoming surgery, he asked if I'd recently had an argument with someone that was greatly upsetting me, and I had - it was a few days prior where Id had a final confrontation with one of these people where I felt I finally stood up for myself, which of course resulted in that person throwing a tantrum and unfriending me. When I say unfriending me, I am referring an action taken on Facebook - fact is, she was not my friend to begin with, so un-friending me is just a formality of Facebook and not the reality since you have to be a friend in order to truly be un-friended.

So I said to Brad, how did he know this? Brad - my wise old soul in a very young place - mentioned that he had a book by Louise Hay that listed diseases and their manifestations and causes.. and when he looked up gallbladder, that is what was listed.

I like some of the Hay House stuff.. i do. I found Michael Neill through there, and I LOVE him! But normally I find some of the authors and speakers there a bit flowery for my taste. But at this point, Im ready to check out Louise Hay! And I do! I got her "You Can Heal Your Life" book and also "Heal Your Body" as well as her affirmations cards. I love them all!! Ive decided to work on my contribution to the negativity that has surrounded me, as I dont want to refill my vessel again with things that are bad for me. I want my life to look and be like the Queen of Pentacles kingdom. flourishing with abundance, and I want my face and spirit to be smiling like hers is in the card.

And to that end - I have begun embracing what I perceived at first as a loss, realizing I cannot lose what I dont have. I can feel sad that I do not have what I desired, and that I wasted so much time thinking I did when I knew I did not. Ive decided to instead become the Emperor of my life here.. no more tolerating less than what I want or deserve, and I dont care how much fun they are at times. The in-between times when they are not so much fun and are instead mean and hurtful far outweigh any fun I thought I had.

I dont think I realized that until I started reading Louise Hay's books.. So much thanks to her.. and Eric, who diagnosed me with Bad Boyfriend Syndrome and told me to get over it...LOL.