Thanksgiving

So I am going through my tarot deck trying to find a picture that best depicts me this morning.  The problem is that because Tarot is a picture of us, all of us, it was really hard to find just one, because about 40 of them, at least, were pictures of me and how I am feeling.  I think it would also vary from deck to deck, but I am using the Gaian Tarot by Johanna Powell Colbert - for a number of reasons.  First, its the deck I am now using every day, one because I love it, also because Im still in the process of learning how to read with a deck other than Rider Waite and I am not going back to old habits of going back to Rider Waite because it is easier for me.  Third, I love this deck because its a personalized view of the Tarot with real people in it, and I think its more appropriate for me this morning as I go through trying to find myself.  

The first thing I am grateful for this morning is Tarot.  Tarot changed my life, it has opened up the universe for me and has given me a path to find myself and to understand myself and others and the world in ways I struggled to prior.  I am also grateful to my mentors Ruth Ann and Wald Amberstone, for showing me the map and giving me the dictionary, if you will, to better find my way through.  My life changed the day I took my frist class, and has never been the same (which is a good thing).  That first class was on the magician, and I am greatful for the magician who holds all the tools I will ever need in my life - and I am greatful for the person who made me believe I had the power and ability to use those tools and make my dreams come true.  

As I go through my deck, trying to find the card that most embodies me, I find the high priestess, and I am grateful for her wisdom and her intuition she shares.  I have loved our silent walks together on the beach and her loving support of me always.

I then start hitting the birthcards of those in my life, the first of my daughter, my hierophant/temperance person who has not stopped teaching me things since she was born, some of them amazing, some of them not so much, some I think are the biggest things for me right now, which I am not enjoying - but I am grateful for nonetheless.  I miss her but I am grateful there are telephones to chat, even if the time is never long enough, and I am grateful that she is okay and doing well and seems happy, even if it is not with me right now.  I am grateful to all the angels and guides who surround her, watching over her and keeping her safe.

The Lovers card, one of my birth cards, brings to mind all the love and friendship I have encountered over the last year which has blessed my life and made transitions bearable.  In particular, I am greatful for the love and friendship my husband brings to my life, which is so much nicer and more colorful and calmer with him in it.  I am grateful for the balance he brings to my life, among other things.  His card of chariot comes after mine, and I am greatful for those chariot qualities he has which help ground me.  I am greatful for his tower where my devil loves to play - though I myself would not enjoy that too much, I am grateful that he finds the blessing in that and that he is the kind of strong and amazing person who never lets my devil intimidate him.

My brother's cards of Strength/Star then come up - and he is one of the things I am most greatful for this year. I am grateful for all the time he has spent listening and all the words of wisdom and support and healing he has given me.  I am grateful that my parents had him, I wish things had been and were right now easier for him, but I am grateful for the caring and wiser person these things have made him, and that he has been able to share these things with me and help me too. 

Im not too fiery today, I realize, as I go through my wands.  As I reach the Queen of Wands, though, I am greatful to her - her energy, her loyalty, those things about her that make me Me.  Today, her cat stands out to me most - and I think of TC, the cat I wish would find another home.  I am grateful for his unconditional and worshipful love - I have never had a cat consider himself in love with me before, and I am humbled by this and flattered and blessed and grateful, though I still wish he would find another home.

This is the 2 of Water in the Gaian Tarot and it brings to mind the gratitude I have for my Gremlin - Now, Gremlin looks nothing like this dog.. he is a gold and black yorkie, and I do not look anything like the woman in this card.  But I love their faces.. and the adoration and respect they have between the two of them, and that is how I feel about Gremlin.  I know he is my guide here.  Im convinced he saved my life this past week when I was almost in a terrible accident.. and even if he did none of those thing - I could still never express the gratitude and love I feel for this spirit in my life, he is the most amazing creature I have ever encountered and blesses my life every second of every day.

The six of water is a picture of some older women swiming naked together in a lake holding hands.  This card is about community and friendship, I think.. and I feel grateful for all my girlfriends who have blessed my life here in Greensboro.  We have shared some amazing moments of fun and laughter and also some tears and sad stuff, and I am so grateful to have them in my life to share and experience these things together - I am grateful for all the experiences they have shared with me.

Wow -  I am kind of blown away here by the way I can find everyone around me here in my tarot deck - and most of my experiences of this past year here as well.  Why am I surprised - i have no idea, because I know this is what a Tarot deck is.. a picture of the universe, and picture of myself and my world.. I know this.. but I guess I have never literally sat down and gone card by card and really labeled it all, and I could do that.. i could take each card here and attach it to something or someone in my life right now today ongoing.. all 78 cards.  

Finally, though, I come to the original card I chose for me, the 9 of Earth, which here is a picture of the deck creater in a field of lavender, looking very content and happy, and rightfully so!  This is the card I wish to embody today - of looking around me and having everything feel soothing and abundant and smelling like Lavender or feeling the way I do when I smell Lavender.  

Thank you for reading this and sharing this and supporting me, whoever you are.. I am grateful to you also, even if I do not know you, because you are also giving to me invaluable gifts just by reading here.  I hope you have a wonderful and blessed holiday and take some time to count your blessings, because you have many.  And if you are not sure what they are, take out your tarot deck, or get one if you dont have one yet, and start looking card by card and I assure you, you will find at least 78 blessings right there in your hand. ~ Namaste