The Queen of Wands

Quit Job..

2011-07-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ive been working two or more jobs for the past 6 years or more. It just seems to be the nature of the work I do. It is very hard to trust a lot of the companies these days, so one usually has, in my field, more than one company to work with so that in the event one company loses contracts or downsizes or slows down, you have a backup. Unfortunately, MTSOs in my business do not give you notice if they lose a contract or if they make other choices that would result in less income, it just kind of happens and then you are stuck, if you dont have a backup, trying to figure out how you are going to make ends meet.

The other reason I started working two jobs is because we needed the income. When we moved to Greensboro, I was to only work one job; however, between the costs of moving and my daughter's school, our bills were just not getting paid, so I ended up taking on additional contracts to cover the expenses.

I have been working with one company for about six years, and while the first three or four were great, the last two have been horrible, demeaning, demoralizing, I could go on and on. I originally started out typing, then editing and then was promoted to account management, which I do love doing. But with this company, it became an issue more and more where I would have to really treat people as disposable and become as inconsiderate and demoralizing and demeaning to others - requiring them to do things like work in the middle of the night or during times that normal people would not work.. or things like that. If work dried up because we were over-staffed I would be placed in positions of having no choices to how to help people. And my own time was just taken advantage of. I did not vacation without working or if I wanted to vacation, I was responsible for finding coverage as opposed to them, which was never available. It was stressful to vacation and stressful to work nonstop. So after being tired of that type of stress and not wanting to represent that type of treatment to others, I stepped down to just edit.

When I did so, I was offered the hourly rate I had before my promotion and my normal PTO, and insurance. Six months later, I was told I was being moved to production, and literally, after working for this company for 3-4 years, I was given a pay cut. Then they did the great trick of all these companies that promote themselves as offering health insurance.. they have insurance that unless you live in the state they are in, you cannot afford to take advantage of the benefits. Mind you - my type of work is all telecomuting with employees hired all over the country. So if you are a company that has that, its pretty ridiculous to get insurance that only affordably covers those in your state, when no one who works for you outside the office lives in that state! This forced me to get coverage through my husband, and when I asked to be compensated a little extra since I had to do that, I did not even get the benefit of a response. So in essence, they were pocketing the $200+ dollars a month that normally they would have to pay for my insurance.. AND lowering my salary.

I stayed anyway, because it was a great editing job in that I had worked for years editing it, and I could read through the files pretty quickly, etc. Then about a year ago, maybe 9 months ago, they decided that the offshores whose work we were reading were doing well, they allowed them to send their reports straight to the clients - basically leaving me and the other editors with no work except blanks they have.. which was about 10% of the work we originally had.

Had I not had another job, I would have been in serious trouble. They never gave us notice of this choice, and my supervisor flat-out lied when she said she had no idea this was being done. Of course she knew - how could she not?

This came to bite them all in the rear, as the offshored work was so bad, the clients almost left - so then we were busy again - only now we had to fully listen to these files, which, again, cuts production time in half. So I had my salary cut by 25%, then another 50%. Because I had another job, I stuck with it, it was good extra money.. But the offshores then only did 1 level of quality assurance, whereas they used to do 2-3. Slowing us down even more, salary cut again in half... which led me to the last 2 months..

With my daughter having graduated her private school and heading out to college, I have been really playing with the idea of cutting my losses with this particular company. But leaving and making that final decision has been hard, because it leaves me working with just one company and trusting that it will be enough and work out. And its always been a security blanket for me regardless..

Ive realized that my gallbladder slowly filled with stones and disease over crap ive walked around with since I was a teenager - eventually making me sick enough that it had to be removed. At that point, i worked on letting go of the past and viewing the removal as almost childhood garbage being taken out.

Over the past few months, its come to my attention that I now have something growing on my ovary - and Im being monitored to see if it grows and also my blood levels to see if they rise.. and it occurs to me that Im still carrying around crap. And I really think a lot of it surrounds my feelings about myself allowing myself to be part of situations that are hurtful, demoralizing and demeaning.. and this job is one of those things. My old "friends" I think were also part of that. So I hve been working on this sitaution of how do I release this stuff so I am not walking around with this kind of negative, destructive energy that is diseasing my body?

So I am taking the leap - and of course I do a reading on this:
What I have: Page of Swords
What I need to know: Ace of Swords
Outcome: Judgment

This sword has definitely been double edged and I have a few cuts already from my choice to leave. Because I did not work as much as I am "scheduled" to, which is not any more or less than I have for the last two months, on my last day of notice, they fired me, and are now keeping my accured PTO of 20 hours. I didnt even know I had that much - and its bugging me, not because I counted on that money, but because it just feels like another kick of stealing and robbing and thieving from me that they have been doing for the last 2 years.

So I need to release this - and that is my task so it can wrap up. I know from judgment it will work out the way it is supposed to.. and I know releasing this will open me up to new opportunities and things waiting for me that I would not be able to see or take advantage of without making room.

But I my feelings about this.. urrrgh.. thats a harder task. I guess that will be this weekend's question.. how do i release my intense feelings about these people and keep it from continuing to eat at me?

A Walk with the High Priestess

2011-03-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

So even though I have not blogged in a bit, I have been doing readings, both for myself weekly to biweekly, as well as for others. Ive also been trying to meditate a bit as well, and working on my middle pillar meditations. On first getting back to meditating, I took a walk with the Queen of Pentacles, probably because she was on my mind from studying her in class.

A week later, around the first week in March, I sat down to do a reading, meditating first, and I got to take a walk with the High Priestess. I did not intend to walk with her, did not intend to walk or talk with anyone, just kinda sat down and closed my eyes, and after a bit, there she was. Not one to miss an opportunity to spend some time with the High Priestess, i joined her on a walk through her viel.. upon which I found ourselves walking on a beach, heading toward a cave. She was in her robes, but did not have her hat on, and instead of dark hair flowed behind her. In this picture it looks like its pretty short, shoulder length, but in my meditation, it was longer, flowing down her back, straight with a little curve in it, no cross around her neck, just robed. She was beautiful. We walked side by side companionably, no conversation, just there together. Inside the cave was a chair, on which the high priestess sat down, and there I waited for her to say something. Saying nothing, I asked her.. to what do I owe the honor of her presence, and she just sat there.. motioning for me to look outside the cave. So we both sat there, looking at the ocean and enjoying the peaceful sound of seagulls and fish.. and there were some dolphins jumping. I said to her.. soooo whats this about.. and she did not answer, just sat there looking out over the ocean.

I sat there for a bit longer, and then got up, starting to walk around, telling her I am not one to just sit for long periods of time. She smiled at me and walked me to just outside the entrance of the cave. She seemed to want to hang out there.. and I wanted to get back and do my reading. She hugged me, she touched the top of my head, which made me happy.. i felt like she was energizing my chakra there, sending me her love and understanding, and I felt very loved... and started heading back to the veil, walking through. She was not in her seat there in the card, which I thought was funny, as if she decided to take a break from her tarot throne and just enjoy the day on the beach... and as I headed out of my meditation, I felt very calm and at peace.. and very special to have had the opportunity to spend time with two very interesting women in the last 2 weeks, the Queen of Pentacles and The High Priestess.

A Joyful Release of the Past - Life is Sweet and So Am I!

2011-02-15T13:24:00.000-08:00

Okay - so i have been a total Tarot slacker over the last year. Not even since my last post, but really over the last year. Im not sure why.. I guess I could say Ive been busy, but thats not really the truth. Im not sure why.. I just have not been so inspired.

I think that is really how I could describe my last year's time, uninspired. Wayne Dyer would say to be inspired is to be in-spirit, so I guess to be uninspired would be not to be in spirit, which I might say would be more accurate than me being to busy to blog or do Tarot. And you need to be in spirit or working toward being in spirit to do Tarot, I think. I think being in spirit or getting in spirit is what Tarot is all about.

It was a different kind of summer, and a rather frustrating one. Id say I would put the whole year into that category. It really kind of came to a head for me this fall, though, in more than one way. I realized after an exchange with a person who I used to call friend but would never describe them as such that I was spending my time or upset when I was left out of spending my time with a lot of people like that.. those who would say they were my friends or who I would introduce or refer to as my friends in conversation or in passing but would never describe them as truly being that way. In fact, I would frequently use them as examples of people who were not my friends.. and yet frequently find myself upset when at the receiving end of their unkindness or thoughlessness or lack of consideration - afraid to let go and release this for fear of what I find myself left with. I dont think I realized how poisoned my life was becoming from this until .. even writing this blog!

So what does this have to do with the Queen of Pentacles? A lot I have realized - and you will be surprised.. i know I was!

So after I began on my journey of cleaning and clearing out my life of the muck that was weighing me down, both emotionally, physically and spiritually.. luxuriating briefly in my empty space.. kind of like when you are ready to move into a new house.. and you are in there walking around enjoying the echo of your boots on the floors there waiting for the moving truck to pull up with your furniture.. I decided to slowly fill my life up again, this time with things that were good for me.

First thing - I signed up for a meetup on internet marketing. So my webpage is undergoing some changes in location and some other stuff that are not done yet.. but i have started and am working on learning. Great!

Next - as if on cue - a new secrets class! The secret to.. thats right.. the Queen of Pentacles! Her mystery, as described by Wald, is love in its simplicity, her secrets are touch and the scent of rain. I was at first very confused by these things.. because I would normally associate love and its components with cups. But in looking at her face, I think I can see her unconditional love of everything, just simple love and acceptace. Its almost Empress-like.. but the Empress is very earth bound, and I do see some similarities in the two cards.

As I always do with class, I took the Queen of Pentacles and planted her on my desk, and waited for her essence to hit me and work with me that week. And a very strange thing happened. I realized as she sat there in front of me throughout my week, how very un-Queen of Pentacles-like I am..LOL. If I were to do an array, I would put her at the end of it, furthest from who I think or see myself. Not good... because she is a wonderful card and avatar, and I definitely could use more of her characteristics!

For instance.. if a situation would come up, I would say, how would the Queen of Pentacles approach this.. and I would answer, and it would not be anything like Maris (Queen of Wands) would have any natural part of..LOL. But I saw that there are many qualities of her that I need to embrace far more than I have or do..

My health finally caught up with me this past fall. I ended up having to have my gallbladder finally removed after 20+ years of living with a gallstone, now gallstones. This came on the heels of the final blow-up with this group of people I was hanging out with for 2 years. It was interesting when I spoke with my friend Brad and told him about my upcoming surgery, he asked if I'd recently had an argument with someone that was greatly upsetting me, and I had - it was a few days prior where Id had a final confrontation with one of these people where I felt I finally stood up for myself, which of course resulted in that person throwing a tantrum and unfriending me. When I say unfriending me, I am referring an action taken on Facebook - fact is, she was not my friend to begin with, so un-friending me is just a formality of Facebook and not the reality since you have to be a friend in order to truly be un-friended.

So I said to Brad, how did he know this? Brad - my wise old soul in a very young place - mentioned that he had a book by Louise Hay that listed diseases and their manifestations and causes.. and when he looked up gallbladder, that is what was listed.

I like some of the Hay House stuff.. i do. I found Michael Neill through there, and I LOVE him! But normally I find some of the authors and speakers there a bit flowery for my taste. But at this point, Im ready to check out Louise Hay! And I do! I got her "You Can Heal Your Life" book and also "Heal Your Body" as well as her affirmations cards. I love them all!! Ive decided to work on my contribution to the negativity that has surrounded me, as I dont want to refill my vessel again with things that are bad for me. I want my life to look and be like the Queen of Pentacles kingdom. flourishing with abundance, and I want my face and spirit to be smiling like hers is in the card.

And to that end - I have begun embracing what I perceived at first as a loss, realizing I cannot lose what I dont have. I can feel sad that I do not have what I desired, and that I wasted so much time thinking I did when I knew I did not. Ive decided to instead become the Emperor of my life here.. no more tolerating less than what I want or deserve, and I dont care how much fun they are at times. The in-between times when they are not so much fun and are instead mean and hurtful far outweigh any fun I thought I had.

I dont think I realized that until I started reading Louise Hay's books.. So much thanks to her.. and Eric, who diagnosed me with Bad Boyfriend Syndrome and told me to get over it...LOL.

Journey Significance

2010-06-13T06:37:00.001-07:00

So on leaving, I am in the car and Eric asks.. how did it go? I wasnt sure. As the night progressed, I realized that this journeying is a lot like when I delve into Tarot with Ruth Ann and Wald - its one of those things where you have your initial impression, but its something that needs to just sit and.. cook. And that is what it has been doing for me, just sitting, and I am watching as different things open up, which will probably take at least all week, if not longer, but initially things were working:

So I get home.. I was really really hungry, so the first thing I did was inhale a protein shake. Im proud of myself, i needed to pick up some fruit for my shake and walked by the very yummy looking macaroni and cheese, and while I was tempted, i felt spirit pushing me along, because what my body really needed was not comfort food but some protein..lol. Yay me! =)

So I get home, and im starting to feel tired.. I drink my shake, take care of the kittens, give them their meds, lost my patience with one of them, not a good thing.. cuddled up to Spiderman for a little kitty love (littlest kitty who can climb like spiderman), always a warm fuzzy.

Then I head into my room, and I see that Gremlin is in rejuvenate Maris mode.. Gremlin in a fantastic barometer for me. He is my magical empathic creature that I am convinced was sent here to me by the Gods.. I picture it like a scene out of Clash of the Titans (the original one) where the gods would send tools to the titans. While Im pretty sure Zeus and company are not up there watching over me, someone sent this very amazing dog to me 5 years ago and I am always astounded by his gifts. One of them is he is extremely empathic, and when i am running on emotional empty, he seems to think it is his purpose to fix me. I didnt think I was on emotional empty, just that i had gotten up at 7, did a lot of psychic work and had not eaten.. but there must have been more to it, because Gremlin was in full-on heal me mode.

After 10 minutes of Gremlin therapy, Im still crazy tired. And I had a caribbean party to go to that i did not want to miss. Soooo.. I make a cup of coffee and headed into the Tarot room, lit some sage incense, did a banishing pentagram ritual, did some middle pillar chants, and put my deck in order - I am feeling rejuvenated. I then ask the Tarot - what was the significance of going and doing shamanic journeying today?

Card 1 - what I have: King of Swords. He has been following me around since the Readers Studio. One of the things we I spoke about on first starting journeying was how I tend to be in my head a lot. I would say this validated my place and reason why I sought this out.. because i know I am master of my mind and bringing my thoughts into being and action, I do know and realize I can do anything I put my mind to, and I am ready to take responsibility for those things. I have this side of myself mastered as much as one can realize they are masterful of those things. Its also the reason why I seek out other intuitive modalities to expand other parts of myself.

Card 2 - What I need to Know: High Priestess reversed. No duh! LOL. This card in addition to my outcome really resonated with me. I need to work on my intution and listening to myself and honoring what I already know I need. I think one of the purposes of seeking out this type of work is to help straighten her out, making her upright by working on journeying and using that as a tool to do so. The high priestess guards the portal through the veil, which is exactly what we did today in journeying, going through the misty veil - which was a very kewl thing to do, btw. I saw the correspondence between going through the veil today in journeying and then the high priestess showing up in my reading. She guards the portal through the veil, and working with her will help me get through the veil to where i want to go, maybe helping me with some of the challenges I had today...

Card 3 - What I get: Ace of Pentacles reversed. I think this had a lot of meanings for me.. Mary Greer in her Tarot Reversals mentions that the pentacle in the hand looks much like a wheel of fortune and the reversal could refer to being stuck in a rut. While I dont think I am in a rut, per se, I do think I have not been working much with my high priestess or continuing other tarot work I had been doing, and so maybe the reversal of my high priestess and not working with her and working on me that way is blocking my ability to manifest those things I wish to.. and I would describe many things going on in my life that way. I feel like the message is that to keep her unbalanced is to block myself and put myself into a psychic rut... and to work on placing my high priestess right-side up will also get the ace and the suite of manifestation working better and more easily for me... offering the entire suit of manifestation.

So where I was not sure when I first left of the significance of our work today, this is starting to materialize to me at this point now, about 4 hours later... and I am sure the insights will continue on through the night and weekend.

Usually after working psychically the way I did this morning, I am exhausted, and did get so this evening, but after saging and casting my circle i was feeling much better. I went to the party and had a great time, though I was ready to head home by 11, but I lasted a lot longer than I thought I would have, i was predicting 9 pm, working on stretching that to 10, and really I went through to 11. However, once I got home, I could not see straight. I was like the walking unconscious, only I did not resist it this time, and I headed to sleep. I thought maybe I would dream of my journeys, I did not.. which is okay.

I thought Kelley was great and I loved the people I worked with yesterday. I dont want to put their names here, but they were so kewl - very open and giving. My partner was fantastic, I was really lucky. Sometimes when I go to these types of things, the people there are working on their stuff and can be really depressed or sad, which makes these things harder to do for me. Everyone we worked with today was able to really be open and sharing and giving, which was fantastic and made it easy for me to do so too. I love when things come together that way.

Im feeling pretty rejuvenated this morning. I really think that one of the things I took from this was that I need to do more reading. I havent really done much reading since the Readers Studio - which is not unusual for me, since the Studio tends to be so intense and I get so saturated in tarot that when I get home the last thing I want to do is pick up my deck for a bit. There have been a few times over the last 2 weeks that I have thought about meditating and working with my deck and met with a bit of resistance - its been a tough few weeks though too for me - but yesterday afternoon, I had this inner knowing that what I needed to do was sit and clear myself out, and put the world in order, and Tarot does that for me, and I think I had forgotten that - and sitting in my room doing this felt like coming home and sitting with my best friend and having one of those great cleansing talks.

So.. thank you my guides and angels and the Universe for always being there for me and reminding me that you always are, even when I do not feel like chatting, and especially for when I do.

Shamanic Journeys

2010-06-12T16:07:00.001-07:00

Awesome and amazing experience today. I signed up last month to do a shamanic workshop with Kelley Harrell who is just outside of Raleigh. It was a 4 hour workshop. I have worked with one other shaman prior to this and enjoyed it, and I was moved at the time I saw this posted to check it out again, and so at 7 am this morning, I got myself up and readied to journey out, not sure what I would find, as some of my other trips to work in some of the groups in Raleigh have not been so hot, but I was ready and open to whatever I might discover.

Just like with most intense paths we go down leading inside ourselves, this too requires some sitting time. By this I mean that when I first was finished up and heading to my car.. sitting in there sharing with Eric, when he asked how it went, I said.. it was okay.. it was good, I enjoyed learning the new things, meeting new people and working with them, but beyond that, I didnt have much to say about it. Which is not a bad thing.. its one of those things that sinks in, and as the rest of the afternoon and evening start to unfold, so did more perspective of my journeys.

We talked about different things shamans did, very interesting. We talked about the difference between shamanic thinking and other types of psychic work and schools of thought. I love the idea that we are all connected and all equal, which is a big precept of shamanic work. Love that.

Then we did some journeying. Shamanic journeys are similar to pathworking except that instead of pathworking through a card, we journeyed through the veil, then through to speak to our guides and ask for guidance on an issue of on our hearts, and then we had a partner and journeyed for them.

In shamanic work you work with the tree (i dont remember what the tree is officially called), the lower world is in the roots, the middle in the trunk of the tree, and the upper world in the leaves and branches. So we were going to be working in the upper world with our guides, and she wanted us to get to the upper world by going up through the veil, which is through the cloudy area. We were to bring ourselves up through the tree through this cloudy area that was to be wet and moist and humid and cloudy, up through there and above this. This was our first journey.

I have previously gone through the trunk of the tree up to meet my guide, in fact, that was the first time I met her was going up through the trunk as if in an elevator, though I do not recall going through a veil. I remember going up and going into a leafy, beautiful area where she was waiting for me. It was an awesome thing - another blog for another time.

So I started going up the trunk, I saw a staircase and I would go about halfway and then the picture would stop, I could not get to the veil that way. I just kind of stood there, and then all of a sudden, my third eye would start to open where I would see the blue and purple start and then that became cloudy for me, never quite getting to what I would think should have been a white cloudy place, but it did become a cloudy place. I would have thought prior that the cloudy place would have been thin.. but this was thicker and took a bit to get through. On getting through, before doing this I would have thought I would then have come to a very bright, clear and kind of white/light blue sky area, but instead it was more colored like a sunset.

We had talked earlier about how we know if what we are doing is real versus whether it is something we are making up. One of the ways I have learned for me that my guides make things real for me is to change things up so they appear as they are described as they should be, but with a twist in order for me to confirm that I did not make it up. For instance, if this would have been pictured as I imagined it would have prior to starting, then I would have wondered if I had not made it up. But because it came in slightly different colored in a way I would not have thought, it validated for me that I did not make it up, as had I done so, it would have looked a bit different.

That was all we were to do with the first visualization, and I then returned the way I came, as instructed, back through the veil, then i saw my chakra colors.. and then I felt for my surroundings and opened my eyes.

The second journey was to do the same thing only meet whatever guides were to assist us with this journey. I was still in a pretty trancy state, so getting up there again was much easier, and I went pretty much in the same way. This time I see this tiny guy who looked a bit like Max Headrom.. in this very metalic shirt with a black vest, face kind of whitish, white and blank hair spiked out.. and he was dancing to the beat of the drum Kelley was using to put us into the trance. I had never seen him before. He was having a great time.. but the minute I realized that I was in the trance seeing him, or anything during this journey, my mind would snap out of the trance. Then it would go back in.. id see something and recognize i was seeing something, then it would snap out of it again. Then I was back in and the little guy turned into a man's face.. an older man, probably about late 40s or 50s, bald like Mr. Clean, but with these bright, bright blue eyes. At seeing him, of course I snapped out it, went back and saw him again, then snapped out of it, and then i started getting mad at the whole thing, and had to come out totally.

The frustration of seeing myself popping in and out of the trance made it tougher to do the next journey, where we were to go up and talk to our guides and get clarity on what is most weighing on our hearts. I got nowhere - which just figures - Im telling you.. the minute it comes time to getting some really useful information or the minute it seems like I might, something will happen where it is either not for real, like when I went to find out my sacred contract which turned out to be .. whatever.. or like now where i frustrated myself to the point where I could not access that place again. LOL - i know the message in that, its just one of those things that I dont want to hear. I want to be able to easily access those places where all the answers are, and the message to me, I feel, is that it just is not that easy and life just does not work that way - and consciously and subconsciously, even, I know this, I understnad this, I understand the wisdom and the necessity of this. But I dont like it. =)

The last journey we did was for a partner. I was at first concerned because I did not want to try to do this for a partner and have difficulty getting in and not be able to offer anything to her, it had me a bit anxious. It had her anxious too, and she told me she couldnt do this, to which I said, dont say that! Otherwise it will be a self-fulfilling thing.. and the only thing worse than me not getitng information would be if someone else could not..LOL. I was not just speaking to her, I was also speaking to me. So I put out a positive affirmation that we can do anything we wish and we have all the tools we need to do so, and I did the first journey for her.

Way kewl thing happened. I was totally open psychically, so when she asked her questions, I was able to answer them without having to journey, per se, I definitely was seeing information without having to go into a trance to help her, which I did share. So my purpose in journeying was getting validation of this, i think, and also to add more detail. Very kewl thing happened when i was journeying - I literally was able to observe her in her life.. as I saw her writing or sitting at her computer. I asked different questions to see if I could give her more information that what I had already seen, I got some in the details of watching her that was helpful to her.. but it was interesting, it was like being a fly on a wall in a room. Kelley said it would be easier to do this for another person than for ourselves, and she was absolutely right, this was much easier because I was not so dependent on what I found. I didnt have the same need.

My partner had an amazing vision for me. I just explained how my life is in total transition with the end of Blysse's junior year and all the stress that came with that and her now being away.. and the whole summer ahead of me.. and how uncomfortable I have been feeling, which I know is about growing and things changing, and what did I need to know about my discomfort.

She told me she saw Blysse and in front of her was her father, who was bigger and very solid in his stance, subborn, and he was standing in front of Blysse so that I could not see her, though she was behind her dad, but no matter how I moved, I was not able to see her. I was sitting on a big turtle. She said that all of a sudden Blysse's father became invisible and I was able to see her and she was waving to me and saying hi very excitedly, and there was a beautiful gold cord that formed attaching she and i at our umbilicus and it was glowing and glittery and vibrant. The turtle was trying to move, but everytime he did, i would pull at him, trying to pull him the other way, and as I did so, the cord between Blysse and I would pull and get tight. Eventually both Blysse and her dad disspearing and it was just me struggling with this turtle, trying to control him and move him the other way. And she said I was pretty frustrated and upset at not being able to get the turtle to go in the direction I wanted him to. Finally, I threw up my hands and gave it up.. and the turtle took me to a beach. She said it was a beautiful beach where dolphins were swimming and jumping and the turtle took me into the water where we swam. She said I was really, really happy there.

LOVE IT!!

Interestingly my goal this summer is to work on RELEASE, so I found this vision soooo helpful and enlightening.

So these were my journeys - I will put my thoughts on this in my next post!

Readers Studio 2010

2010-04-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

So I am finally getting a chance here to finish up, or actually start the blog of the official opening and weekend of the Readers Studio 2010. Of course, had my Foundation reading partner not given me her cold and I am now bed bound this prolly would have taken me another week before I could sit down and write. Thanks Christy for sharing - NOT! lol

As always, the Readers Studio was an adventure, both personally, professionally, and spiritally. What I love about Tarot and the Readers Studio is there is just nowhere to hide from those realities the Universe wishes to discuss, and thus was, once again, my experience here. The King of Swords reigned through my weekend and readings and has been my contemplation throughout the weekend and this week. I imagine as the week wraps up here, he and I will be good friends.

He first started speaking during the pre-studio workshop, as we had to ask a question to work with the color, costume workshop Thursday night. I really had onlhy prepared one or two questions for the Studio this weekend, as it has been my experience that really, thats all one needs. Because the questions are never the issue, and tarot talks about issues, not answers to questions. So I knew that i just needed one or two questions and the universe would provide further questions from there, and I was not disappointed by either the Studio or the Universe.

So my first question Thursday night was asking what I needed to know about sending Blysse to spend the summer wtih her father, and the cards were the Ace of Swords, the King of Swords, and the Ace of Cups. Mind you, the aces came in up-side down, but we worked with them righth side up.

Friday morning the studio opened and we started out with our foundation readings. My partner was new to tarot, her deck was brand new. She was only comfortable pulling 1 card, and seeing one other card stand out, I pulled that one. The one card my partner pulled.. the King of Swords. Thats 2 days in a row the King made his presense known, and I was forced to deal with him. Of course at first, I thought the king was Blysse's dad.. but by the time the second person shared a similar point of view, I was forced to look at the fact that the King was probably me.

And so the studio opened and the fun began..

Dr. Elinor Greenberg, who I had the pleasure of reading with the night before, did the first workshop. She is always amazing, I really love her stuff. She did another workshop at the first Studio I attended and taught us a relationship spread that I still use, and i LOVE her issue cards where each major arcana has an issue question it asks, something else i use all the time. This time we did a workshop I believe she called Turning Straw into Gold, which was about finding positivity in negative cards. I got to work with Jordan Hoggard on this, and it was quite an adventure for both of us, as we kind of approach the topic from different ends of the spectrum yet have the same attitude. Jordan had a tough time because he did not find any card to be negative. I didnt have any trouble, on the other hand, finding cards wtih a negative connotation to me. That being said, both of us easily find the blessings of all meanings and experiences outlined by the cards. It was a great match up, because I was able to point out how others might interpret things negatively, and his gift was just his positivity in the matter. Its impossible to be too intense with Jordan because he just has a great way of making all things positive and energetic - a quality i love and admire in others.

We then went on to do another exercise using Gestalt therapy where we would describe the card, and then become the card.. very interesting. My partner drew the Moon and became the tower and the dog and had a great conversation betweent the two of them. Very fun. I didnt get a chance to really try this out because i had to leave a bit early to catch a play we had gotten tickets to, God of Carnage.

So we did head out to the city to check out the play, which was fabulous! Its about two sets of parents who get together to discuss the issue of their sons getting into a fight where one knocked out the others teeth. It was a funny play, like its meant to be a comedy, but the comedy arises from the reality of what usually happens in these situations. Where people start out polite and civil and within an hour or two start hurling around their anger and their real feelings about the situation and people involved. It reminded me a lot of our own situation between our family and the Bretans.. though I dont find the situation nearly as humorous as I did the play!

After, we headed back to the hotel and grabbed something quick to eat while catching up with Corrine Kenner and her husband, Jordan, Dan Pelletier and Jeannette from the Tarot Garden and a number of others in the lounge area there. Lots of fun and laughs, but we did finally head up to our room to get some much needed sleep for the full day that lie ahead.

Pre-workshop nite

2010-04-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Just had the most amazing nite so far. We have just spent the last 2-3 hours catching up and chatting with Bob Place of the Vampire Tarot, though most of you probably know him better as the artist of the Alchemical Tarot. What a huge source of information and history and just an all around neat person! Blysse is gonna die when she hears we did this, as the whole motivation behind her wanting to come here was to attending his workshop and get to chat with him. Amazing!!

The whole day was pretty kewl though tiring. We got up and headed out for the day. Breakfast here is way too expensive, so we headed for the bus and the train down to Greenwich Village where we sat at this cute cafe and had breakfast and coffee and just enjoyed a great morning. Spent the balance of the day strolling the streets, heading back to the hotel by 3 pm to attend the pre-studio workshop, Color, Costume and Choreography.

Ruth Ann and Wald did a fantastic workshop, i loved it. I am an ambassador where we help those who are new and also we are going to be switching partners and tables. Im really excited about this, as two years ago, it really got strange and counter productive just reading with the same people in the same places. It felt kinda cliquey - so this year when Ruth Ann mentioned the idea of switching it up, I was right there with that!

So the table behind me needed an extra person, and I volunteered to go right away. I really love the idea of meeting and reading with new and different people. Eric said he was okay with this, though I did have to hear later that some people thought this strange of me. I just do not think Eric and i would do each other justice reading with one another. We did talk about it ahead of time.. so anyway, i switched it up right away, which is so different for me and i loved it.

Love the new layers added to reading juust using color and costume and postion of the people in the cards. Very interesting. It works, but not at the exclusion of the story.. they kinda work hand in hand. I got to partner first with Elinor Greenberg - amazing fun!

I also to got to chat more with Jordan Hoggard of the Mysterium Tarot. He will be doing a Feng Shui workshop on Saturday night Im dying to catch!! Im very excited about learning more Feng Shui stuff.

And before I go any further, can I tell you that the Tarot Garden has brought all kinds of goodies - i think they are my favorite addiction this weekend. Im sure I will be back to that table more than once! I got the Twilight Realm A Tarot of Faery deck, The Minute Deck which came in this kewl metal case, and I also picked up this Japanese Manga specialty deck for Blysse for her birthday.. its amazing.

Ciro Marchetti has outdone himself on the poster and also is selling prints on cloth and tarot bags. the Tarot School had the kewlest tarot bags, big ones where you can fit notebooks and stuff. Thalassa and I duked it out over one of the bags, she won. I cant mess with the BAT woman..lol..

After, I spent some time talking to Marcia McCormick, i believe, and her husband. Lovely people, very interesting. We had a lot in common, and i loved chatting.

After, Bob Place sat down, and we were all riveted for the rest of teh night. We had ordered some italian, and we ate and chatted until just now.

Yet another amazing nite of Tarot, and the studio does not even start til tomorrow!

2010-04-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

Crazy day! We start the day off heading into the city to meet up with our friends and then go to see Billy Elliott. First, we get directions into the city. I have officially become a country rube! It took us 20 minutes and 3 times explaining to us how to take a bus and then get the train to the city. Not good. But - we did get to the city without a hitch! Loved the people watching - its just amazing to sit on the train and see all the different people and just think about their stories. Im sitting on there thinking, as I watch the guy sleep standing up on the train, "how does he know when to get up to get to his stop? Is he really sleeping.. what happens if someone wants to pick pocket him.. " Or the other people who get into the train seeing and knowing there is not even standing room, yet make room anyway. The best is people who intentionally stay by the door, a dangerous proposition on a good day, choose this and never move as the conductor gets on the PA system stating in a very New York way, "do not lean or touch the doors, move away from the doors.." and no one moves! Its as though they have all ridden this train so often, that they are so immune to the voice, they dont even hear it.. And the lady knows it, but probably would tell you in a conversation during happy hour that no one stands by that door on her watch!

So we get into the city and Gary and Leeza meet us with their daughter Olivia, who is just as cute as a button! We at at the Roxy Deli - pass on this place. The worst, stalest bagel I have ever eaten, and they would not take teh bones out of the white fish that they charge $27! Afterward, we headed to see Billy Elliott.

What a fabulous show! I dont think the kid who played Billy was the best hip hop or jazz dancer, he just did not have the precision on the moves. But this boy could dance ballet!! There were a few dance scenes in this play that moved me almost to tears. He was so light and graceful.. and some dances were true works of art and beauty, and for a kid this age to be able to do that on top of carrying a play of this size, unbelievable!! The music was good, not Spring Awakening good, like I dont need the soundtrack, didnt leave singing the songs, but Elton John did an amazing job. If you did not know ahead of time, you would not be able to tell these were Elton John songs, which is saying something good because they didnt sound Elton Johnny, but were fantastic.

That being said, the theature itself was a mob scene, I felt like I was in a cattle call, i hated it. The line to go to the bathroom before the show even began was longer than the one to get your seat.. and I didnt even dare try to go to the bathroom during intermission or afterward.

So it was about that time between that, the shoving match to get out of teh theater and then the rain outside that were my undoing. Energetically, Manhattan just sucks it out of you! In order to cope and get through the masses, one must become homicidal, or at least that is the aggressive and insensitive energy you must adopt in order to get anywhere. I was seriously considering going back to the hotel instead of heading to Greeenwich, as i was ready to just duke it outu with the next person who shoved me.

But we headed to the subway to meet our group in the Village for dinner. And I am so glad we went! Tonight was the first Readers Studio event where they rented a bus that took everyone to Greenwich Village and we dined together at this restaurant called Dojo, which is a vegetarian kind of place though there were meat choices. It was really good. and the company was fantastic too.

Ran into Beth Owl's Daughter and Johanna Colbert,. Mary Greer, Wald and Ruth Ann and a number of others, some familiar faces and some new ones. It was nice to catch up. Food was fresh, service was good..

After dinner, we all kind of split up into groups and headed out to explore Greenwich. We headed to a new age shop, I cant remember the name, but that doesnt matter because after a prolonged rip off cab ride, we found the shop was closed for good. Of coarse, their phone # still has their hours of business, but there is no storefront. We lost half our group, and so Eric, Beth Owl and I proceeded to walk to the East West bookstore, not wanting to be ripped off by another cabbie. The store was kinda kewl, but their tarot section nil.. which is good, because i would have a hard time buying any tarot deck in a store at this point before the studio opens. After hanging out, we then took a cab to the meeting place, after which we grabbed a table at this little coffee shop and had some cappucino and amaretta (hence my ability to blog at 1 am). Beth Owl had some amazing gelatto. I could literally eat my way through New York, between teh pizza and coffee and bagels and lox and italian food and ..

While there we ran into our other comarades, and we then waited on our bus who was late.. and then headed back to the hotel.

Once at the hotel, we then ran into some more people who have arrived into town in the lounge and spent some time catching up. Oh My!! First, Ciro Marchetti is working on this IPhone application that when done will be awesome!! You can literally do readings on your iphone for people.. works a lot like the software from Legacy of the Divine Tarot.. where you can draw cards and place them where you like turn them over. It has a feature where you can notebook it and save it. Its great. Im a huge fan of his work!

Jordan Hoggard was showing me this way kewl tarot cloth for his cards.. has this blessing done in runes around the edges with grapes and stuff. Really kewl.. and then Gavin, the guy who makes these, shows up and shows us the rest of the cloths. I had to have one! I usually buy these when I have a deck to use.. this time i bought one first and will find a deck to fit.

This other gentleman, whose name i did not get, was showing us these leather tarot cases. They are gorgeous. some are pretty expensive. Garnet found this gorgeous blue one with this kewl clasp and some brass markings.. $500, which i thought was expensive. That is not to say they arent worth it, they are, they were that nice, but I could not reconcile spending that amount of money for that.. not when there are silks and so many more affordable options. But it does make me excited for tomorrow to see what more is going to be shared..

And the studio does not open for another 2 days!!

Readers Studio 2010

2010-04-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

So we are here! New York City!! The studio does not officially start until Friday, but we are here checking out and enjoying New York for a few days before.. and also hoping to get some extra time to catch up with some friends too! Its just Eric and I. Blysse was originally to join us as well, having begged and pleaded over the years, and me finally relenting as a gift to her for her 17th birthday, but this was not to be. She just could not get the time off school. Will not elaborate on the details of that here for sure, but she did do the responsible thing by staying at school to work on the grades and all that great stuff.

So we arrived last night. Insane flying, as usual, but uneventful. The hotel is great, beautiful room. Weather is great. I had forgotten how crazy expensive things are here, though. For those of you reading this and getting ready to head out to join us, bring your extra pin money, and then bring some of your extra pin pin money! OMG - the restaurant here is CRAZY. Its $18 for a hamburger, $28 for a piece of chicken! Breakfast buffet this morning will be $17. Lobster bisque $9. So.. out came Eric's IPhone, loaded up the Yelp application and went on search for a local place to eat. Found a place called Sams Pizza - awesome stuff! Rated 4 or 5 stars out of 5 with fantastic reviews. We called to make sure they are still there (one never knows in these tough times) and Sam is the kewlest person I knew yesterday. Told us it would be a $10 taxi ride there, but said he delivers and thought that would be more affordable - and it was! So Sam then delivered to us at the hotel here the most delicous pizza we have had in forever! We have kept his menu for future use. Those of you heading out here who want some good, affordable italian, let us know, we have the menu. =)

We are heading out today to meet up with Eric's friend (and my friend too) Gary and his wife Leeza and their little girl Olivia. We are going to meet them in the city for either Dim Sum (eric is obsessed) or some good ol New York bagels (my preference). We cannot get either in Greensboro, so this will be a treat! We are hoping to catch a show today, hopefully Billy Elliot, there are a few others we are thinking about too if we cannot get to that show. After that we will head to Greenwich Village to dine with those who are here earlier and spend the evening catching up with good friends!

I will try posting every day. Preconference workshop by Ruth Ann and Wald is tomorrow night, and we get to preregister, and we get to hit the Merchant Fair early tomorrow.. im beyond excited to add to my tarot collection. I forgot to pre-order my poster, so Ciro Marchetti will be one of the first people I find to get that done. Im hoping he has some prints or more previews of the Oracle he is working on. From what I have seen on Facebook, it promises to be amazing!

Hopefully I will see you all soon!!

My High Priestess

2010-01-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone - or no one.. this blogging thing seems so quiet. Like, you go on Facebook, and its like being in a room full of people reading and typing at the same time, and even though you dont see them, you still feel like you are one in a crowded room. Here in the blogoshere its the opposite, its quiet and introspective, and sometimes the sound of hitting the keys echoes.,..

Its been two weeks since my last blog. Very interesting things as far as the readings have come to pass. It seems while my daughter was gone, her loser ex-boyfriend once again resurfaced and we came to find out he was planning a trip to see her while in Las Vegas. Upon finding this out, I absolutely could see the secret that had all along been in front of me that I was choosing not to see or deal with.. and to say that it turned my inner Queen of Cups upside down would be to put it mildly. Good thing was, i was prepared.. that is to say, i was not surprised to be feeling the way I did, and once again gave the universe a nod for warning me.. i love the synchronicities of the universe and Tarot.

So the week after, last week, the reading was:
1. What you have: The Wheel of Fortune.
2. What you need to know: Page of Wands Reversed.
3. What you get: The High Priestess

So I get that this is a process that is ongoing. The secret to the Wheel is scale.. and I can make this experience between my daughter and this loser big or small.. depending on how I wish to look at it. Its big for me in that I hate this kid and he is a major ongoing problem. But in the scheme of things, in the scheme of life, they are teenagers, and this too shall pass (pleeeeassse), then it would be small.. It has its peaks and valleys..

I think what i need to know regarding the page has many layers - the page could be me. I think the page could offer a great deal of insight into my daughter and how she is or is not choosing to handle this situation, and also the same, agian for myself and how I am choosign to handle or not this situation. It helped to have this reading ahead of time, in that after I got this reading, i of course was bracing myself for the disaster that I felt was to come with the upside down page of wands.. and it did indeed come when I discovered that my daughter lied about not being a part of this jerk's plan to meet her in Las Vegas, she absolutely had a part in it.. and i discovered it.. well i dont want to say here, as should she read my blog my secret will be out.. =)

However, the outcome of the High Priestess.. well, i did share that one of the ways I found out was through my inner intuition. The experience itself played out a lot in my dreams and my subconscious that way for about a good week, working out my own inner child issues with this. Hopefully this will lead to a higher knowing and growth for me.. and im sure since it is a major arcana card more will be to come..

Its noisy and busy here today, so I will draw my cards for the week tomorrow while meditating, but i did want to journal out these 2 readings.

I do wish any and all who are reading this a very happy and healthy new year..

End of a Busy Year

2009-12-20T07:22:00.001-08:00

We were out this past week in Raleigh spending time with the Raleigh Durham Tarot Meetup group at their monthly meeting when someone asked my husband if I had blogged lately. He mentioned this to me in the car on the way home, and I said I hadnt in such a long time. How crazy is this, it has been about a year since I last blogged! I have literally been that busy - that this is the first time in almost a year that I have had a chance to blog, and I'd bet I havent done a reading for myself in about 6 months too - not good.

The good thing is that I have been that busy, and while I have not been reading much for myself, I have been doing a lot of reading for others, which I have loved. This has been my busiest year professionally, and I am really happy about that, because this is really what I love to do. Of couse, I cannot quit my day job yet, but I am closer to that than I ever have been. I kidded my mother last month saying by the time I really get to where I need to be to do that, I will have a great retirement business..LOL.

In thinking what I have been doing all year that has been keeping me from writing and reading, it really has been busy. Most of my time has been spent with my daughter, putting out many teenage fires last spring. Summertime was spent getting her ready to head off to Israel this fall, it was like a part time job! I thought once she left this September I would be overwhelmed with the amount of free time I had, but I dont think that was the case..not sure how that happened.

We ended up moving at the beginning of October to a bigger house. With Blysse boarding at school last year, Eric and I downsized to a smaller house. After the spring, we decided maybe boarding school is not the greatest idea for a teenager and decided to have her be a day student again this coming year and next. The house we had was entirely too small for all 3 of us, we were on top of each other and the kitchen was really small. With just 2 of us this was not an issue, but with 3 of us it was becoming frustrating. Even then, though, we were planning to just stick it out since Blysse will be leaving after next year and we are soooo tired of moving. As well, we have no idea where Eric will end up teaching when he is done is lisensure so we really were trying to persevere, but I do have to say I was never happy in the smaller place, i just could never find a place for myself, but i was trying! We were out and about and I happened upon a sign for this house and just for curiosity sake decided to check it out, and I just fell in love with this house. So needless to say, I spent the month of September packing and October moving and unpacking. And working 2 jobs, sometimes 3 with tarot reading.

Blysse left for Israel the first week in September, returned November 19. She had an amazing time and came home soooo grown up! Its such an odd thing because as people and individuals, we are very spirtual, but we are not necessarily religious, in fact most of the time we kind of rebel. I hate going to temple, and while I do love my Jewish friends and we have much in common, I do not necessarily adapt well to most religously practicing people. It just does not seem to be me. And Blysse is not much different, she is probably even more extreme that way than I. Yet, raising her to be Jewish has always been important to me. She was Bat Mitzvahed even though she hated it, even though I had hated it as a kid.. i wanted her to be confirmed as well. She goes to a Jewish high school, and while it is pluralistic, it has an intense dual ciriculum that overwhelms her and sometimes, many times, really turns her off. The content does not as much as the structure they have laid out that kind of forces the practice on the kids, and when she shares it, i do empathize with her and I know I would not like it either.

And yet, being involved with the high school, going to Israel, has been the best thing that has happened to Blysse and our family. I think being involved with this high school has saved her life and made changes for her that we had not been able to do. Israel totally changed her. What an amazing place - it is at the top of my list to see (thats right, my kid has gone there and I have not.. lol). Somehow the Israelis are able to do the thing that we, here in the US, have the worst time achieving with our kids - they make the kids feel important, make them feel that they make a difference, and they come away knowing that if they were to not return or leave Judaism it would be devastating, giving them a sense of purpose and importance to a country and people and life. I dont know how they do this, what their secret is, but thank G_d for it. And while it has not made Blysse more religious in practice, it has made her more of a Jew, and while I could not explain that here in a blog, I can definitely relate and say I feel the same way.

She wants to go to college there, which I hope she is able to do. I would miss her terribly, i do not relish the idea that my only child would be on the other side of the world from me, but going there has given her a sense of peace there that she is never able to find here, and I want that for her. Maybe it is just she has found the 1 place in the world I would not or could not live in..LOL.. something else I can relate to.. urrrgh.

In the meantime, I have been doing tarot! I have been reading for 3 new clients, which has been a huge learning experience. I also did some reading at High Point University twice in the last 4 months, in September and again in November. My friend Danny is a talent agent and had booked me for these. This last time in November, he also booked Eric, who did an amazing job! Not sure if it was Tarot or the college coeds that inspired him..LOL... but he had a great time and did an amazing job.

I was over the summer working on practicing Kabbalah magic, but had to stop for a bit on moving. Just not the space or the time, and it does require a daily practice and ritual. The weird thing is in my other house, I did not have a specific room for ritual and meditation, but in my new house I do. Unfortunately, there is a person renting an apartment on the other side of my tarot room, which makes me kind of uncomfortable, as sometimes you can hear things between the two rooms. I love my tarot room because 2 of the 4 walls are glass, letting in the light and energy of the day, one of the doors leads out to a courtyard with greenery and birds and its beautiful. The other door I try to keep the blinds closed on because others can see in. But for some reason, I am feeling inhibited in that room when i try to chant and stuff.. Its a detail I need to work out because I have not finished the first level and need to do so, it definitely grounded and centered me better.

So I did what is probably my last or second to last reading for myself for the year:

1. What I have: Ace of Pentacles.
2. What I need to know: 4 of cups
3. Outcome: Queen of Cups reversed.

While money is not totally overflowing, I am definitely financially in a better place right now than i have been in quite a while - working 2 full time jobs does that though..lol. Health is okay, could be better, but I am working on this. But really if I think about it, the Universe gives us what we need, and I can say that I do have that right now, I can see that currently I am working with the entire suit of manifestation both in my career and health and prosperity.. working very hard, working on what I want, what I have, what i need to do to move on. I just signed up for the Readers Studio for 2010- I am beyond excited about this. I missed last year, and I am looking forward to reconnecting, its such a great thing for my spirit when I go there.

Friend-wise it has been a struggle this year, maybe since summertime, where while I have more friends than I have had at any point in the last 5 years, they are more people to do things with but not people I can say genuinely like or love me or appreciate or even are aware of my better qualities. This is a huge source of pain for me, most of which is strictly on me and my problem. But it is not something I am used to. My close friends, and I have a number of them, unfortunately live around the country, but when we lived together I always felt very accepted and loved. I do not necessarily feel that way here and while I am in a space to be myself, it does not seem there are any people here besides Eric to share it with, and that is different and strange and sometimes kind of sad. And I do not always understand it except to think that it is about my choices, which need to be adjusted. Adjusted to what, I am not sure.

This leads me to the second card of what I need to know - 4 of cups. Maybe there is something that I am not seeing that is right in front of me or maybe there will be something that will be in front of me that I need to pay attention to.. Maybe I need to spend some time in contemplation thinking about what is in front of me and recognizing it.. What is standing out to me in this picture is the hand holding the chalice..

The outcome does not appear to be someone I want to be - needy, un-nurtured - not sure that I am not already grappling with reversed queen of cups right now.. hopefully this doesnt mean it will be worse by end of week..lol

Well, its been 30 minutes and I need to get going - have a full day of movie, then cookie x-mas reception, then maybe another party if the weather holds, we will see. But I have less than an hour to shower and get my tail outta here.

Its been great visiting though. I am going to make some time for this more often, ive missed this. One of my goals for this year is to make this writing and working on my kabbalah project and finishing my first level. I will be teaching beginning Tarot end of January, and I am definitely putting it out there that I want to get out into the community doing tarot more often as well.

Thank you to whoever reminded me that it was time to start being more present again -

The Hermit

2008-12-09T17:04:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it has been since October since I last wrote - crazy! I started back to school this Fall, and I have been so busy that unfortunately I have had to put the Tarot aside for more earthly studies..lol. So in a way, I, myself have been the hermit for the last 2 months.

As is very common for me, I find myself reading Tarot more often during times of stress than during times of calm. Thankfully I have not had to rely on the tarot too often this semester regarding school. There have been issues come up where I was reading a bit with Blysse, but aside from those adjustments, my deck has sat on my alter waiting for me..

Which is where it was when my brother was unexpectedly called in to court this week. I am truly beginning to wonder if this divorce he undertook this summer will ever end. The tarot this summer said not anytime soon and spoke of the expense. The question of Do I have Faith in the Tarot from 2007 Readers Studio rang in my ears and still does. In that regard, it has been a long summer and even longer fall and I have a new understanding of the type of expense involved in an upside down Ace of Pentacles.

So we have been through mediation and co-parenting counseling and bankruptcy, and yet after all this he is served with contempt charges that he did not sign the mediation papers. Apparently his lawyer felt them too vague and instead of her attorneys fixing this, they filed a contempt of court charge instead. I give Aaron credit, I am not sure I could sit in co-parenting counseling talking about parenting plans and not choke the person who is all the while suing me, costing me thousands of dollars I do not have which should be going toward raising my children. It is most frustrating.

So I ask the tarot Sunday night, what does Aaron need to know about court tomorrow?
1. What you have: The Queen of Wands reversed.
2. What you need to know: 8 of cups reversed.
3. What you get: The Hermit

So I tell Aaron, watch out, the Queen of Wands is on fire and ready to take prisoners tomorrow. She is a jealous and vengeful witch planning to deliberately undermine you and is making trouble. And Aaron asks.. what can she possibly do - HA! That is the beauty and caution of the Queen of Wands - she can do ANYTHING.

The 8 of cups told me that he was not walking away so easily from this situation, he was about to be drawn in and embroiled, regardless of his desire to avoid this - though I did not understand to what extent. The card talked about resisting spending time alone, and dreams of escape stymied, finding it hard to let go and move on, sticking to a process to ensure success.

But the outcome of the Hermit.. that was a bit mysterious. He is a guide, mentor and role model. His secret is that of Home and the promise of eventual rest, peace and protection, and I felt like he was asking Aaron to follow him down that road...

Of course there was no agreement met in court and they now will be at a hearing tomorrow. While I was not surprised necessarily by this outcome, I felt his pain and frustration.. so I was compelled once again to discuss this with the universe: What does Aaron need to know about Wednesday's court date?
1. What he has: Ace of Swords reversed.
2. What he needs to know: Knight of Swords reversed.
3. Outcome: The World.

I see the reversed ace as the judgment and the anxiety and stress that resulted. Words and logic used to deceive, clashes with authority. The whole suit of air is coming down around him.

The reversed knight is about an out of control, fanatical knight who is seen as ridiculous, inept, full of hot air, arguing theories that are irrelevant. Im hoping this is referring to Jeannie and her attorney and not to Aaron's. Based on the outcome, I would say this would be the case..

The World - I feel things will come full circle and in a good way, victory after struggles. Finding individual freement within inescapable time and space constraints. Involved in challenging experiences and handling it well.

Today he was then served more papers regarding discovery demanding his email, phone bills, hotel receipts and anything else you can imagine that might be personal and none of anyone's business, especially hers.

The readings fit, they work, they gel. I think there is an element that my brother and most people dealing with these types of situations hate acknowledging, and that is that these things take time and we cannot just bounce back or around so easily, even when it is tempting to do so. Inner contemplation i feel is a big message being offered here in the first reading and sometimes it is hard for him to quiet down enough and slow down enough to really listen. I am at a loss as to how to get through in this regard..

After receiving those papers today, gosh i even worry they will be checking out my blog here.. i really ought to give them something really good to read, huh..lol

I know better than to question myself, and the question again reverberated in my head.. Do I have faith in the Tarot?

I do - but I think where i lack faith is not in the universe but in those who seem to run it lately. I do not have faith in the legal system, nor in my fellow man most times, definitely not in lawyers or the psycho soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-laws they represent.

Conflict

2008-10-02T08:59:00.001-07:00

Before getting into my usual ramblings here, I want to wish all my Jewish friends reading a happy and healthy new year!

My new year is not off to the greatest start, I must admit, which has me totally depressed, and what do I do when im depressed without answers, thats right - i read tarot! LOL

Im working with a new spread shared by Art Rosengarten, who, btw, is absolutely kewl and has an awesome yahoo group called Tarotpsych. If you are into tarot and psychology, or even just tarot, definitely check it out.. lots of really brilliant and insightful people in this group posting away and sharing sooo many great insights and pearles of wisdom, ive totally learned so much just in the past few months since joining.

So Blysse comes home from school with 4 other friends, 2 girls and 2 guys, one of them being her boyfriend. They had all planned to spend the new year with us. We had a great holiday dinner which was really fun. However, we then all spent the balance of the weekend watching Blysse and her bf be attached at various parts of themselves, which was thoroughly nauseating and very uncomfortable for the rest of us. And no matter what I said to Blysse, alone or with her bf, she would nod her head and then go back to assume an attached appendage position. Urrgh. I finally got so sick of the 2 of them I took them back to school early, as i was sooo tired of playing warden. Literally, the first night Eric and I were up til 2 am as every time we turned around, they were lip-locked on the couch. Now, it hasnt been that long (ok well maybe it has) so we understood this, and we finally separated everyone. Fine. Didnt stop them from assuming the attached position the next day.

I could get into more gory details, but i will spare us all.. suffice it to say, i am not a proponent of boarding schools, i think teenagers need more structure than what they offer, and my daughter in particular. Not just cause of the out of control teenage hormone thing.. but its as if the girl has no family or is not part of a family anymore. She hates when i call her.. the whole 9 yards. If she were 18 or 21, it would be bad enough, but at 15 i think its b.s.

So I did a reading today using Art's spread..

1. How things appear: Page of pentacles.

2. What is really going on: 6 of pentacles reversed

3. What needs to come out: The Magician

I did this with the Rider Waite deck and originally referred to Mary Greer's reference of Reversed Cards.. but i have to tell you, i just was not satisfied with this.. didnt make much sense. So I pulled out the computer reference that came with my Tarot of Dreams deck. This reference was done by Lee Bursten, and the more i read and use this reference, the more fantastic I think Lee Bursten is. I love this deck as well, btw, i just have a really hard time shuffling it and never feel like ive completely put my energy into it.

The page of pentacles is this young girl, looking at the world in her hands.. experimenting, trying things out on the material plane. Fascinatingly enough, the page of pentacles has the immature characteristics of the earth signs, including Taurus, virgo and capricorn). Not coincidentally, Blysse is a Taurus. Lee talks about this page learning material reality. Hmmm..

What is really going on, i feel, with the 6 of pentacles reversed is an uneven giving and taking. I totally feel imbalanced by this situation. Lee also mentions that the guy in the card is benevolently giving out money, but in his other hand, the scale is still tipped one way and imbalanced. So while Blysse may be spending time with us here, she is certainly not giving of her time or energy truly. Or while I am giving of my time and energy, there certainly is not much to be receiving at the other end.

Another really interesting thing about this card also is its astrological characteristic of being Moon in Taurus which talks about how we have a "tendency which causes us either to be encouraged or resistant according to our personalities to express maternal, compassionate, protective insticts in a patient and tireless way." hmmm.. this fits.

On the the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, this card falls at Wholeness, which strives to make things whole.

What needs to come out is the magician. Again, i was kind of stumped.. using my tools or having the power to manifest anything I wish just did not seem to fit. BUT - in reading Lee's interpretation, i realize also that the magician is a teacher and guide and mentor and he uses the 4 elements to problem solve. So I think what needs to come out is the teacher and mentor in us and we need to use the 4 elements to work this out.

On the tree of life, this position is the intersection between reason and reality - that which helps us make sense of what we see around us. - this leads us back so beautifully to the page who is trying to do just that.

I love Tarot because inside one card are about 100 layers of information there to be uncovered, its so amazing to me.

The pictures are the oracle cards I drew. I meant to draw 1 and 2 came out.. another fascinating thing. First was conflict - Duh! Heroic - the empowered side of caring energy that seeks justice and equality. This felt like it plugged straight into the 6 of Pentacles for me.

End of Summer

2008-09-02T19:20:00.001-07:00

It has been quite some time since I have blogged, almost all summer - and yes, it has been that busy! Lots of great tarot stuff though!

Did some reading at Eclectic by Nature, 2 psychic fairs and also some private readings in the store. The psychic fairs were great, we had a lot of fun. Thanks to those of you who were kind enough to share your lives and secrets with me, hopefully I was able to help with some enlightenment or comfort.

I also met some new people this summer who are really amazing. I got in touch with a group of people studying intuition and angels in Winston Salem. Now, those of you who know me are saying.. angels Maris? really? Um - that would be a very loud and resounding YES!! I highly encourage anyone reading this to speak to your angels frequently, as they seem to be rather receptive and are just waiting for us to ask for their help. We had an amazing experience with this over the summer, and I will send my heartfelt thanks publicly to all the angels I spoke to who helped us in our time of confusion and need this summer. They most definitely showed up.

But this group of people are teaching me a lot, and I have found my inspiration again. I was really getting discouraged that I may have truly lost it after leaving Las Vegas, and it was getting to the point of depressing. However, I have really met a lot of like-minded people in this group who share my passion and interests, who are wonderfully gifted and through this I am learning a lot from them.

We are planning to collaborate a bit, which is really exciting to me. They, as well, are interested in learning about tarot, and I am interested in learning more about tapping into my intuition. Both go together really, really well. So in addition to studying intuition and angels with them, we are also going to be studying beginning tarot as well together. I am really excited about this, I think this will be awesome!

In all the chaos around here, I really have not gotten to do much reading this summer. Last week was the first time I have read for myself all summer:

What I have: King of Swords reversed

What I need to know: 3 of pentacles

What I get: 4 of cups

Im not sure what the king of swords is about - maybe my thoughts being all jumbled up and scattered and fragmented? It also talks about rigidity and discipline, having high standards as a parent, being critical and demanding as a spouse but intelligent and honest. Ok, i can see that. I have definitely been on Eric's case over the last 2 or 3 weeks big time in regard to the job and career thing. I also have some pretty high standards for my daughter. She did end up being able to board at school this year, and I have reiterated my expectations in that regard to her, as I cannot afford private school if she is not going to be serious.

The 3 of pentacles talks about collaboration and materialization of sacred. Creating things of value. Mary Greer also mentions serving or receiving a summons. So over the week i have been collaborating with Brad, my friend from WS, to work on tarot as well as intuition. I also received a summons, as Blysse's father has finally, finally been served court papers regarding his contempt of court for not supporting Blysse.

The 4 of cups discusses needing some grounding or quiet time. Maybe ignoring gifts which are being offered right in front of you. Hmmmm

This week's cards:

1. 4 of pentacles reversed

2. Hermit

3. 5 of pentacles reversed

So I think the 4 of pentacles reversed refers to my work situation. Ive not had a great week at work between last week and this one. Ive made some very stupid errors and there may be some serious issues coming up in this regard. My reactions in this regard tend to be extreme - sometimes very defensive like today, usually I am fearful and stressed as I cannot afford to lose my job. It definitely blocks me and hangs me up..

The hermit talks about a guide or mentor - furthering my education, which I am doing.. UNCG started last week and I have been crazy with homework and trying to find classes and need to write a paper on my goals, and i need to apply to my major college. I am also seeking spiritual education as well as offering it.

I hope the reversal of the 5 of pentacles is referring to the stress of my job and working easing up and not instead intensifying the 5. I could use the stress to ease up and break.. we shall see.

Ace of Pentacles as an Enemy

2008-07-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

Last week during Aaron's trial, i did a spread for him that James Wells taught us at the Readers Studio. The shape is this arrow sign pointing up:

3 4

1 2

1. Resources: Page of Swords

2. Obstacles: 6 of Swords

3. Advantages: 5 of Swords

4. Disadvantages: Ace of Pentacles

5. What higher self wants you to know: King of Pentacles

So the ready mind engaging in trouble shooting, alert, quick witted, spying and surveillance. Being vigilant and watchful - Got it.

Inability to leave a situation, stuck mentally and physically with delays in plans, etc. as an obstacle.. yup.

Advantage - while not particularly flattering to Aaron, gaining from the misfortune of the PWFH being foolish, ok.. Salvaging as the air clears, good.

Then I came to the disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. How in the world can this card be a negative or a disadvantage? This has plagued me all week.

So on the tarot psych board the exercise last week was to choose 3 cards, 1 as a friend, 1 as an enemy, and 1 as a stranger. Last week, one of the posters had her friend as the Ace of Wands and her enemy the High Priestess.

This week's tweak on this was to then make your enemy your friend and your friend your enemy, and she posted how the Ace of Wands might be her enemy. Ok.. too much fire, passion, assertion, I got it.

Then the lightbulb went off for me.. Too much generosity, too much money, too much work, too much effort could very well be a disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. And hence the enlightenment, as just last night speaking to my brother, the PWFH was asking for some money from him, asking him to be generous, and he said he would consider it if she would be more agreeable to some other terms. This is money he doesnt have necessarily.. but would have to come up with it should he choose to be agreeable.

I called him up.. I shared that it is not advantageous for him to be this generous with his money, this agreeable with this type of person, as it will never end, the need too abundant, the requests and demands overwhelming and overflowing.

This would feed into what his higher self is saying to him regarding the King of Pentacles.. Eric is right in this interpretation, he needs to be the king in this regard, needs to make the rules and set the boundaries.

Fascinating...

Contemplating Strength

2008-07-17T10:22:00.001-07:00

Doing lots of blogging this week, doing lots of readings too. I couldnt really hone in on the what i needed to know card this week until today, though. I was thinking maybe the silent strength was needed of me to support my family, but I dont think so. And certainly that would not facilitate an outcome of the hermit.

Then this morning im reading my email and there is yet another email alerting me to a change in the schedule to one of my meetup groups, specifically this group I just joined called Positive World Spiritual Meetup group. I was asked to join by one of the members who is also in a few of our other groups as well, she had written to me on my profile page, and while this is not necessarily my thing, per se, i did join in support of her.

So she keeps sending out these notes that the details of the meetup have been updated, yet they are the same, no changes have been made from day to day, so i go over to the main page to see if maybe Im missing something. And there is the blurb to this other person, found on the main page in the shout section, that 1 person should not keep him from joining the group, he should be doing what works for him and not allowing other people to ruin it for him.

Ok.. so in regard to this person she wrote this to, this guy has been upset with me for some strange reason, Im not sure why. He had been signed up for our last tarot meetup. I ended up cancelling the meetup because 2 or 3 hours before the meetup was to meet, only 1 person whas signed up to attend, and it would be quite awkward to hold a tarot reading meetup with just 1 person, it just is not the greatest energy, as he is a brand new reader, etc. So I cancelled the meetup for that night.

He got very upset and wrote me this note about how he felt.. explained how much he looks forward to these meetups, and shared some personal issues, which I will not post here, explaining Life as it is for him and the basis of his upset. Understanding and feeling horribly, I then extended some invitations to join us at various other activities and followed it up with a call the next day leaving a message and emailing him. He wrote me back basically asking me to leave him alone, that he was uncomfortable, and asking me not to contact him.

While Ive been kind of bewildered by this, I do respect his feelings and wishes. It has not escaped me that all the groups which we share in common he does not attend those activities where he sees I am coming. This hurts my feelings, as i feel terribly because I really like this person, but again, I respect his feelings.

So when I see this comment on the main board, I really am internalizing this, thinking he is referring to me. This really devastates me. First, I do not understand his reaction. I honestly tried to be sensitive and empathetic to his situation he shared, and while I can understand feeling uncomfortable about sharing too much sometimes with a person, I dont understand necessarily sharing that with other people this way.

And why the organizer of this group would post her response or counsel to this person publically on the home page of a supposed positive spirituality group is ... very telling of her. She advertises herself as a lightworker and reiki master, running a group on positivity, posting negative personality issues on the first page of her board.

I did email her asking her to give me a call, as I wanted to confirm that this reference was about me. Hate to be upset or offended if its not, but i highly doubt this is the case.. too many coincidences. Of course, she hasnt called me.

But my first instinct beyond that is to leave this group, as I really dont have much interest in it anyway, and that is before the lightworker, Reiki master posted this. I certainly do not feel supportive of a person who is so thoughtless, let alone negative this way either.

So then the Strength card comes to mind.. as does my outcome card for the week. In contemplating this, i definitely see my insides behaving like the lion here.. all fire and temper. Am I looking for this person to be the person to make the lion in me feel better? Should I be doing this for myself.. embodying the energy of this card, which would be a patient, kind, sensitive caring woman. Im trying.. ive been trying all along in regard to both of these people.

My instinct all along in regard to this gentleman is that when I see him to go over and give him a supportive hug and tell him how happy I am to see him. I feel that way.. i know underneath that his behavior is that of a person who is lonely and in pain and not about me.

But this other lady.. shes been rubbing me the wrong way for a bit. Shes one of those people who is kinda loud, always talking, knows something about everything. She goes to these meetups and ends up being the assistant and center of attention..lol.. which is great, i like the leader in her. But there is always something over the top about her. I had invited her and her husband over one night to play cards, as she was saying they are trying to make friends here.. and they were going to come, but like 3 days before cancelled because she had to work. Yet when we were walking told me she thought I didnt like people who had been married before based on me asking her how many times she had been married. Feeling terribly and telling her so, I explained I asked that question because i was trying to get to know her, not judge her. Of course, had she been doing the same, she would have found out that I, too, was previously married. I felt this had a lot to do with her cancelling. I was fine with her cancelling, it really was not a big deal and i kinda felt like they would..

But I can see the hermit card outcome, as my other instinct is to exit out of these groups I am in with her. I know this is my hurt feelings lashing out. Again, the quiet energy of the Strength card comes to mind and I guess the key to approaching this lies in this energy for me. I do not have the time or desire to have this type of thing in my life. I am waaay too old to have this immature, gossipy negativity, nor do i need to belong to groups where I am not having a great time, and I can quietly with strength and dignity do my thing elsewhere. I dont like being shoved out of things.. where i miss out on fun stuff while everyone else is out making friends - I dont want to be the enlightened hermit in a cave with just my illuminated lantern.

I cannot seem to get out of my own way when it comes to this stuff..LOL

The Lord of Ruin - Validation

2008-07-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

So this card has been chasing me around this past week in regard to my brother, and today I am starting to get some validation on this. I cant remember which position this came up in his original cube reading, though it has to be either change he can prepare for or what he is not seeing. Urrgh.

Then when I asked flat out after doing his reading if he will get temporary custody, this card came up again. Not good.

So then I get the call today from my mother who had gone with Aaron (my brother) to see the lawyer in prep for next week. She mentions the card to me on the phone, as I told her I was worried, and also mentions that Aaron had a dream last night that he was being stabbed in the back. Well..

So apparently after they trade affidavits, i.e. Aaron sees those that his wife collected and she sees his, they see that there are 2 affidavits from friends of my mother not only supporting the Psycho Wife from @#$%!! but also trashing my brother stating he asked one of them to lie, and both stating that my parents were unkind and ganging up on his wife and my brother did not support her (maybe because shes PSYCHO!). This came as a HUGE blow to my parents, as they have been really kind to these 2 people, above and beyond the scope of friendship, if you ask me. And while my mother's friend is not responsible for the actions of her child or her child's husband, she did know what they had done and never said anything to my mom, which considering all they have done for each other, was pretty devastating to my mom.

The Lord of Ruin is starting to materialize. BUT - Im not so sure this is necessarily a bad thing. This card is not just about feeling stabbed in the back, in fact remember that swords is a picture of the mind and does not necessarily refer to a literal meaning, though certainly it can. The 10 of swords is also about endings and release, the ending of unwelcome situations, bad habits, depressive and harmful phases. I would definitely classify this entire divorcing/custody experience that way, and I would also definitely describe the relationship/"friendship" with this group of people in this way.

The relationship between my mother and her friend, we will call her C, and my mother and C's family has been needing to be cut off for quite a while. This has been very difficult considering C and my mother have friends in common and belong to many of the same friendship circles. I think this incident will make it much, much easier for my mom to release this group of extra baggage.

It brings to mind the 2nd card of the reading I did for this situation this week, the 8 of swords. I see where some sharper, less defeated ways of thinking need to be used - not just regarding the divorce case, but also regarding the company we choose to keep. I can see where the focus of the victim mentality needs to be adjusted and how that is binding the hands of everyone and blinding them to the truth in front of them.

I can also see brighter days on the other side of the 10 of swords card. I cannot imagine that anyone in their right mind would find either of these 2 people credible references. The situation of their own family is disastrous, with C's daughter having left her husband after spending the last year in bars everynight, telling him she was doing karaoke with her girlfriends when, in fact, she was cheating on him with a now unemployed bartender. In turn, her husband has been arrested for domestic violence, with my parents having bailed him out of jail by mortgaging their home last year (nice way to say thanks, huh). I do not think I am biased when I say that if I was a judge, I would have no time for the opinions of a mother who has spent the last year carousing in bars every night while her children are home with the father she is cheating on, nor would I have any time for the man who was arrested for beating her. Neither obviously uses good judgment - and I would wonder about the person calling them friends enough to recommend their opinions be taken into account regarding the welfare of 2 children.

So that could tie into the final outcome of the 4 of cups.. the gift sitting right in front of all of them which they have not been seeing.. or into the 6 of wands that came as the next step..

Strength?

2008-07-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

Wow - its been a month since Ive posted.. guess Ive been busy! And so I have! My reading for this week:

1. What I have: 2 of wands

2. What I need to know: Strength

3. Outcome: The Hermit

Ive been thinking and contemplating on this reading ALL DAY. I get the 2 of Wands, because that really is sooo me right now. Im just on the verge of getting busy with my life, and Im talking really busy, but im sitting in limbo right now, setting things up, taking care of other things in order to get ready to move into the next phase of things. Im contemplating my whole world right now really.

Blysse has been accepted as a boarding student at school. Whether she goes or not remains to be seen. Her father, affectionately known around here as the POS (ill leave that to your imaginations) has yet to help out support-wise. She has called him a number of times and he says he is going back to work and will help, but he hasnt helped in over 3 years, so the likelihood of that is wearing thin, which will be devastating for her. Eric and I have crunched and crunched the numbers, and there just is not way around it, we cannot do it without his help. So this remains the big question upcoming next month.

If he comes through, and Im trying to send positive energy and vibes and visualizaitons in that direction, she leaves home and there I will be looking through the portal between the wands with the world in my hands deciding what to do.

I was accepted to UNCG and am registered for a full semester. So right now is the calm before the storm, the calm before I walk through that portal, again, to really change my life and take it in a new direction. Questioning did I take on too much work or class or studying.. contemplating, knowing I can do it and getting ready to do so.

And also on the brink of what to do with this tarot stuff. I was set to do 3 workshops this summer, one I did. Not a huge response for that or the one from this past weekend, birth cards, which I ended up cancelling, as I ended up with the weekend off from work and decided to head down to Atlanta to see the family. Beginning tarot classes start in the Fall, not sure how that is going to end up. I am scheduled to read this coming weekend on Sunday and also the Sunday before I leave for the beach, and much of what I will choose to continue depends on these dates and whether or not I am busy enough. I certainly do not need a third job, definitely dont need one where I am not earning money for sure! So Im kinda on the brink deciding about this as well. So the world is definitely in my hands and my destiny to be decided..

Strength - Im not sure about this. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Strength is more than just an inner strength. Its befriending the lion, I think, or maybe I am the lion roaring away.. ? I was reading the hard copy of the card meanings that came with my Tarot of Dreams deck. Ciro did the artwork, but the meanings were done by Lee Bursten, who really is fantastic too. He mentions that the Strength card is part of a triumvirate consisting of The Chariot, Strength and The Devil. A triumvirate is a commision of ruling body per Webster. The woman in the card controls the tiger from her intuitive center. She dominates the tiger not by brute strength, but through intelligence, sympathy and love. So maybe this is a hint at how I might have to deal with those things arising in my life..

The outcome of the Hermit is interesting. Normally the hermit is removed from others, kinda sitting back and meditating on what is needed. But the secret to the Hermit is Home. This would be a great stabilizing thing for me considering that mine has been shaken from its foundating, first having to move unexpectedly, now having it kind of possibly being pretty empty come the fall - but I can see through strength how I can make this work for me -

One of the things we finally did was get a second car - which is working much, much better for me now that I can get out of the house and do things on my own instead of being stuck here all day or now in the evenings while Eric is at school. Plus it will help me get to class on my own without having to wait on Eric. This ability to contribute and control more of my life helps center and bring me home.

I do see a key to this reading being a sense of balance - having it, needing it, maintaining it. Maybe sharing it..

I did some readings this past weekend for my family. Urrgh.. i felt sooo not on my game! Not sure if it was me or the cards.. or both, but probably it was me..LOL. My readings for my brother havent been what I would like them to be. I think his doubtful energy affects me. Last time I read for him with my Quest deck and spent the entire reading describing how it would look with the Rider Waite. This time I just took out the Rider Waite, not that it helped. I did a cube of change - it was ok. Then yesterday I did another reading for him here at home:

What does Aaron need to know about getting primary custody of his kids?

1. What he has: 9 of Pentacles reversed. --> got this - feeling entrapped and this being intensified, not all is well in his environment (duh!). Contentment and safety threatened. Victim of deceipt, difficult to relax. All this makes sense considering he has to live with Psycho Wife from @!#$!! until at least after his hearing next week.

2. What he needs to know: 8 of Swords --> It seems to describe more to me the mental thoughts and pattern of his wife, being a prisoner of your own thoughts and prejudice.. to see things differently, the bubble would pop and one would be free of the bondage of the ties, though the ties are loose and one can get out of them at any point. Interesting..

3. Outcome: 4 of Cups. In a negative light, this could mean not being satisfied with things you have, where nothing is good enough. I can see this. In a positive light, it can represent a desire to better your life. Wouldnt that be great for him!

Man - im really liking this accompanying interpretations with this deck!

When I flat out asked if he will get temporary custody, i got the 10 of swords, which I also got in his cube this weekend. I just dont know how to interpret this. Im trying not to fall into that trap of not liking what I see or putting in my own judgment versus what the card is showing. For instance, when i see this, my first instinct is not to think negatively that it means he wont get it, because I know how crazy she is and cannot imagine how any judge would not see this! But as a tarot reader, i sooooo know better than to do this, its been taught to me one too many times for sure! (Last time I ignored what was in front of me and thought I knew better than the tarot, Bonnie ended up having twins!)

I asked what his next step should be - 6 of wands. I kind of think this is positive. Obviously the title to this card is Victory. I also felt like it meant to be a leader. Lee Bursten mentions that even though the man is victorious, this is just for a moment in time. I can see this as a positive thing, though im not sure how this plays out with the previous 10 of swords... does that refer to Aaron, Jeannie, the situation.. ? Validation i guess will be here soon enough!

Chaos

2008-05-29T06:24:00.001-07:00

Okay - the card here is the oracle card I pulled for my week this week upon asking for help and support. Very fitting though.

So as usual, I did my reading last week and got the following:

1. What I have: 3 of wands reversed

2. What I need to know: knight of cups reversed

3. What I get: King of cups

I did this reading with my new Tarot of Dreams deck. Okay.. so 3 of wands reversed.. hmmm biting off more than I can chew, difficulty putting plans into action or experiencing creative block, anxiety.. I had no clue what that was about. Nor did I understand the knight of cups either.. So Im frustrated thinking once again i was running into issues with shuffling this deck.. which would block me kind of.. but i hardly thought that would be a reading for the week. I didnt use another deck or do another reading, but I was most frustrated over this reading.

That was on Monday. Thursday I receive a note from our landlord that our lease was up next month and we needed to move out. ?!?!? Eric calls them to find out what in the world that is about, if its just a standard note and we need to renew our lease or if the owner wants the house back or ..? They apparently felt things were not working out and had been telling the owner this over the last few months and telling him how unhappy we were and how we do not handle issues properly and so the owner felt that if we were that unhappy we should move.

I felt like I had been sucker punched and for 2 days I was just not able to even engage into this situation. We love this house, though we detest the company that manages it, they are horrible. We didnt wish or plan to move though, that is for sure, and finding a home here that meets our needs is not an easy task since we need to live in a specific area to be by Blysse.

All of a sudden my reading at the beginning of the week starts formulating in my head. Difficulty putting plans in action or even making a plan, anxiety, having bitten off more than i can chew. The upside down knight involving a person who is just a loser, apparently very dishonest and scheming in regard to our management company person who is just a brainless idiot.

So Eric speaks to the manager there, asks for specifics, which of course were not given to him. I know much of it surrounded my losing it with the person who handles our house after she sent a strange person to work on the outside and did not tell me. I was here alone and there is someone banging around the house wiht an unmarked truck out front. So when i called and found out she had sent him and she said she had but was not legally required to notify me, the first thing out of my mouth to begin my launch was, "Are you crazy?" as she did not think there was any reason for me to be upset over a stranger outside the house while I am here alone, and it ended up with me very loudly telling her that if I ever see anyone out front tooling around this house while Im home alone here and not aware there was someone to be here i would call the police and press charges.

So Eric with all his patience asks the manager to discuss with the owner that we love the house and do not wish to leave and explains how frustrating it is to call them when something needs to be fixed only to receive no calls in return for a week or two at a time, how we do pay our rent on time, how we take very good care of this home, better than anyone else has for quite some time, I might add, etc., and she offers to discuss this with the owner.

We, in the meantime, spend the balance of the week and weekend looking for another place to live. Because even if he is willing to have us remain, I am not open to my fate being in the hands of losers, which is how I would describe Rent A Home of the Triad, and would have done so even before they sent me their note. And while I love this house in a lot of ways, they have been a problem since we moved in and I have not even thrown my boxes away since moving here because of this, as at least every other month I am ready to pack out of frustration from them. So by end of weekend, I definitely felt plugged into my truth and more like the King of cups in this respect.

This week's reading:

1. What I have: 5 of Swords reversed

2. What I need to know: 3 of cups reversed

3. Hanging Man

Hmmm. So I get this email from Blysse saying that if her counselor or teacher from school call me, dont get upset, there is a small problem and she is handling it. !?!?! I call her counselor who tells me its quite a big problem because apparently Blysse's capstone and her friend and lab partner's are identical and they were not to work together on this. And when confronted, Blysse was not apologetic. Urrgh. Welcome the 5 of swords reversed. I dont think the situation is going to have a great outcome for the group of kids here.. though i could be wrong.

This could also be plugging into me and not having a lot of time for socializing and being busy, as I do have a lot on my plate now to do between work, moving, and doing readings - im pretty swamped actually. I literally do not have time to move, as in setting a date for this, which is kind of crazy. I did forget though that eric will be off school soon, so maybe he can help with this detail when he is finished school.

On the other hand, Blysse did get invited to board at school, which came right before the note from her that she was in trouble. Ironic. While Im so proud of her and really thrilled, it is with a most heavy heart that I hear this, as I do not want her moving out. So that will be the next issue to get over after we work on this school issue and move.

Which I guess will lead me to my outcome of the Hanging Man. I can see how I am getting ready to go into a new phase but hanging myself up and holding up progress. I can see my introspection in this and maybe how i might need to change my perspective on things, that I am not seeing them clearly. I do not think it is something I want to see. At least not today, as Michale Neill would say, but this can always change tomorrow maybe. LOL

7 of Wands

2008-05-11T11:05:00.001-07:00

Lots to write about over the last 2 weeks, and its been busy enough that this is the first chance I have gotten not only to write it out but to process it as well.

Readers Studio website has been created over the last week. I think everyone has been having a lot of fun with it. Its kind of a facebook forum, which is really kewl. I love facebook but thats just something with all the games and gadgets I never have enough time to follow and keep up with..lol. The Studio website is a little more down to earth and less quirky i think. =) I now have to figure out how to get my background in there from a picture like Doug - his background is sooo kewl and he made it from a picture he has. Im sure it will take me forever to figure that one out, and Im sure its as easy as this background here was which took me forever..LOL.. but when i do, you all know you will be hearing me dance around the room!

I am just now this week getting to start to play with all my toys from the Studio. I got 2 decks from the studio, the Maat deck and the Tarot of Dreams. So the first thing I did was put the book that came with the Maat deck in the bathroom. Sounds kinda male and gross, prolly too much info..LOL.. but it is a way to get in an extra few minutes of reading time in a day uninterrupted. Ok - this is a fantastic book! What drew me to begin with was the beauty of it. Its like this old fashioned book inside. The paper looks like it could be parchment (its not, but it has that feel to it) and the print is old fashioned and the ink looks like it was almost written with a quill. Its really beautiful. Im only through the intro, but reading about Julie's process and how she got started and created her decks was really fascinating, and Im looking forward to the rest of the book! And then.. the deck!

So last night I finally got a chance to check out the CD that came with my Tarot of Dreams. Ciro has done an amazing job on that CD!! Hes done an amazing job with the whole package, actually. The CD has this program where you can do a reading like those online where you hit this shuffle button and then tell it how to spread the cards out.. you hit the card to turn it over. Very kewl.

It also has extras where I got to read and see how he creates his decks and art work on the computer - he must have a really steady hand and a lot of patience - my goodness! It also has letterhead and all kinds of other stuff. Its really neat.

I did my first reading with the deck today. Now I found there were good and bad things about this deck. The good things: Its gorgeous. The pics are so vibrant and beautiful.. i love the deck, its like spiritual eye candy for me. I love the card descriptions that came on the CD as well, very good and lots of different points, i.e. position on the tree, astrology, etc. Love those.

Bad points - the cards are big and they are stiff. So its hard for me to shuffle and really concentrate to put my energy there. That frustrated me this morning. It took me 2 shuffles to feel like I had gotten somewhere. By 2 shuffles I mean I shuffled the first time, frustrated, and when i pulled cards, they were nonsense. Which of course frustrated me even more. I was near tears over the thought that this would be a pretty deck but one i was not able to read with. And in my fit of frustration, there was my ever patient husband coaching me to be patient and work with them more and calm down..LOL. It was tough because I didnt really want to bend and work the cards because they are so pretty and I dont want the cards warped and stuff. Not sure what I would do without the patience of my husband, probably not have any dishes or glasses in 1 piece for sure!

But I did do it again, shuffling a little differently.. and finally got a picking of cards that felt right:
1. What I have: 8 of wands
2. What I need to know: 7 of wands
3. Outcome: Emperor reversed

According to the tarot, I seem to be in a fighting place this week and last. Last week I was kind of lost with my reading, hence the lack of posting. I really needed to wait to see how this played out. This week it is starting to materialize more for me. Last week's reading:
1. The Lovers reversed
2. Ace of Pentacles
3. 7 of wands

I think the Lovers reversed was referring to me being in my own space as opposed to sharing it with my partner. Ive been definitely off-kilter these last 2 weeks health-wise and spirit wise, which normally comes up for me as a reversed queen of wands, but that week and last it was important that I blend more physicially with Eric and I just was not feeling well at all.

The ace was a welcome element, and we definitely did better financially these past 2 weeks, much better than I thought we would. I got to actually save some money, and our George Bush refund was sent last week, which was nice.

Interesting that last week's outcome is leading into what I need to know for this week. Im thinking, though I could be wrong, that this as well as the 8 of wands are referring to the school issue for Blysse. She wants to board at school next year, and Im dealing with the principal in this regard and his hesitation to allow this. Its very frustrating to her and me. Last year they would not allow Blysse to board at school, as she had a rather ... tumultuous.. entrance interview where Blysse chose to label herself as bipolar, not realizing what that meant. Obviously that very much freaked the good conservatives at the American Hebrew Academy out, and they were not only not believing me when I told them this was not the case, but they were not amenable to having her live there. Some months later after pointing out to Blysse what a bipolar person looks liek when behaving manic, she was pretty horrified that she told someone that was her. On the one hand, while I think about this it is pretty funny, very Blysse and very middle school thinking, but on the other, the consequences to her have been grave. They almost did not admit her to a school which has been life-changing for her, and they are still not very open to the idea of her living there.

So we are end of year now and she wants to board there next year. Those who know me know that I am not necessarily thrilled about this, for a number of reasons. Frankly, after what I have seen this year, I dont think any child should be in a boarding school. I never realized how much our kids need even 10 minutes a day at home with us, even the most independent of kids. When they dont get this, i think they just combust after a few weeks. However, Blysse really wants the opportunity to bond and get really close to the kids there before they leave for Israel Junior year. So I told her to talk to the principal and discuss this with him and share her growth with him.

He, on the other hand, got kind of ticked off after her counselor tried to make the appointment and laid into me about how my daughter's admission to the school and the conditions were between he and I. Whatever. Frankly, I have very little patience for the narrow mindedness of him and his admissions person, who I think it is a total idiot and should not be in charge of deciding which children are sane enough to be in their school, she does not seem to have the insight one needs, as considering they think Blysse is "bipolar" Blysse is probably the most down to earth of the kids Ive met so far, and one of the more sane ones, so that should give you an idea that yes - teenagers are crazy.

One of these days I will get over my total frustration and "bitterness" at the whole process between these 2 people..LOL. I think its the mom lion in me that just starts roaring every time I think of the whole situation. My wand just starts firing up!

Anyway, after the principal sent the command to me through Blysse's counselor to call him, and after I explained my thinking process in having Blysse sit down with him, he understood a little better (I think). So he asked me to have her evaluated by her doctor to submit a report to him, and then we are to sit down and talk, which I had done on Friday.

So Im waiting for the letter to come, after while I will call this guy and set up this appointment. Last year this time when we did this, the letter was fine but of course our typical school administrator did not agree, and the rest is history so far. So I can see where my current situation of the 8 wands in row ready are.. and I can see my fight ahead and that Im on higher ground (and right!) but possibly still with a few fights or cases to make. The 7 tells me I can do this, but I can see from the picture that this will not be a nice warm and fuzzy lets have tea meeting.

My worry is the outcome of the upside-down emperor. Not sure if that means hes going to be a jerk anyway in spite of a good case or if its just a description of what I think of this guy anyway.. which would fit.. or both? I feel like from this reading its indicating to me that even though I may have the ability to do this and its a tough fight and even in spite of the 7th position and the heat of possibility, that because I am dealing with an emperor type, the reversal indicates it might not make a difference.

Or maybe it means that itwill be fine but he will still be an upside-down emperor to me regardless. LOL Or maybe that it will just be longer until I meet with the emperor and the reversal just indicates a delay..

Or maybe I will be an upside-down emperor instead and the whole thing will make me feel that way, which it sometimes does. I dont always feel very well liked there for some reason, though to turn it around, I dont always like them too much anyway. I need to get over my offense which apparently seems to be tough to do. Its hard, though, when a group of people tell you your child is too mentally ill to do something when you know nothing could be further from the truth, and then you see all these other kids who are just as.. who are the same or even more challenged.

Now Im feeling that they are not applying the same standards to Blysse as they do the rest of the kids, and that is not fair to her. I do realize that a lot of this is her own doing though, and I guess she will have to live with that. I understand that, i know that in the scheme of things this is her path, but as her mother, as a person who tends to be a Queen of Wands, Im not too good with watching her pain over it.

Im doing my first professional reading next week. Very excited about that, though im kinda nervous. They did this raffle to raise money to help this stray cat they found at Eclectic by Nature, he was pretty sick and the bills are high. So I offered a 30-minute reading for their raffle. So someone won and they will be coming to my house next week for their reading! I read for people all the time, but this is the second step toward my goal set to really master my art. Im going to be doing 2 workshops this summer for Eclectic by Nature, and then hopefully will be teaching beginning tarot. Those were one of my goals, teaching. Now getting more out into the community here and reading and being a reader as opposed to the person my friends and family call when they are in a panic was another goal of mine. I started doing that a little bit, some of my colleagues were asking for readings. I didnt like that too much, too tricky political wise, just didnt like getting to know my boss' husband that well...LOL. So this is kewl and Im excited and scared to death, but Im ready and I know I can do it, i do it all the time. =)

At worse, it will give me more to blog about. LOL

Readers Studio 2008

2008-05-01T15:17:00.001-07:00

So I have been home since Sunday from the Studio and am just now getting to write. Its actually taking me some time to process, so this is not necessarily a bad thing. Not sure I have processed everything anyway, probably between blogging here and then going over some of the spreads at meetup or teaching will help.

Im not sure how to describe the studio this year, very different from last year, though why that is I am not sure. It was just an entirely different energy and a different experience. This year the studio was bigger, bigger hotel, more people, but I liked both of those things. Last year's studio seemed more intimate though. The hotel was bigger, the rooms were nicer I think. We had more room to do our thing.

So we arrived in Newark Tuesday afternoon and hooked up with Ruth Ann and Wald for dinner. That was really fantastic, and we had a great time. It was the calm before the storm, so to speak. It was a great opportunity for Eric to meet them, as he has only really heard about them and class. I had a great conversation with Wald about the differences between truth and reality, which I really needed to hear and think about it.

Eric and I spent Wednesday in the city, which was a fantastic day. We hit 2 plays, November with Nathan Lane, pass. We also saw Spring Awakening, which won a ton of Tony Awards in 2007, and it was fantastic! We also ate corned beef and humantashen at Roxy Deli and walked 5th Avenue. We ran into Doug Reuschel (hopefully his last name is spelled right) from the Houston Tarot Meetup and his friend Sal, they were both seeing Spring Awakening also and we took the train back to the hotel together that night. Very fun.

Thursday we breakfasted with Paul and Mary Greer joined us. Toward the end of breakfast Ciro Marchetti also joined us and chatted a while. What an interesting guy and his wife is absolutely lovely! We moved into the lobby for more visiting with people starting to arrive and we got to visit more with Mary who shared these amazing pics of these mosaic tarot murals which she found in this chalet in South of France. They were really kewl. Mary is such a giving person, she really is. She even shared some ideas she had and some she had heard for getting the meetup group more lively and active. How kewl is that!

Thursday night we headed into the preconference on Advanced Birth Cards given by Wald. We learned this amazing spread where you take 10 cards, your 2 birth cards and the 8 in between, and superimpose them on the Tree of Life. AMAZING spread! AND.. i discovered that in the order of things, Blysse's birth cards come right before mine and Eric's come right after mine. Superimposed on this spread, Blysse's weaknesses then become my strengths and my weaknesses become Eric's strengths. I thought that was sooo powerful.

The studio officially opened on Friday. Kevin Quigley did the first workshop of the studio. Im not sure about his workshop. First, let me say that he is a great teacher and had a lot to share and all of it was substantial, it wasnt fluffy or flaky, it was a lot of intense info. Unfortunately, i think it would have been better done with a smaller group because it was hard to get enough of the details for the first part of the spread he showed us and I got really frustrated. He was discussing the 4 Kabbalistic worlds and which numbers and suits correspond. So we then had to draw a court card representing ourselves and then an additional card - not sure even what that was for.. but you use it to explore the issues based on the Tree. So I draw the King of Pentacles. But the kings are at the top of the tree, pentacles at the bottom.. and i was not sure which attributes i was to deal with. Because of the larger size, it was hard to ask and get it fully explained..

He then showed us another spread, though, that used the various elements to pull a 10 card spread to explore what kind of readers we are, and i thought that was fantastic, i really loved that. I will be using that spread in our upcoming meetup.

Friday night we attended a cocktail party, which was really great too. We got to schmooze with Johanna Gargiulo-Sherman and Ciro and Mary and David and Paul and many others. It was a lot of fun and some great conversation.

I had a reading with James Wells. The final message - I need to let go of the outcome. Ya, right. LOL

Saturday was a full day of workshopping. Thalassa started us off. She also is fantastic, though with a very different personality and energy than others. I thought she was wildly entertaining and her energy was infectious. Im still walking around telling people.. sssshhhh make like the ocean and shuuuuuush. LOL. Thalassa runs BATS, Bay Area Tarot Symposium. She lives in the San Francisco area. She really plugged us into more of our body language. I liked it, and i liked other ideas she had .. like she passed around this big bag filled with tarot cards from all different decks and we each picked one. Loved that. She also did an amazing 5-card spread, a box spread, that was hugely powerful!

James wrapped up the studio with his workshop on the answer is the question or the question is the answer, or something of that sort. He did an outstanding workshop and was a lot like the workshops we had last year, very hands on, reading a lot of tarot, and i loved the spreads we did.

So that night we went to a great italian restaurant which was .. surreal. It was like a throw back to Old Philly with the older gentleman singing Frank Sinatra so loud it was hard to converse but entertaining nonetheless, and older people dancing. The food was outstanding! Eric and I dined with 2 other ladies we met at the studio and one is a practicing Shaman, and I was riveted, as I have been working with a shaman this year for the first time and I love it. Of course, I had a major gallbladder attack starting at 8 pm due to the stuffed mushrooms, which were stuffed with sausage! So I was sick most of Saturday night.

Eric went to the Sacred Rose workshop that night with Johanna and really had a great time, bonded with a lot of people and really felt great. I loved that.

Sunday morning we slept in and started our trek home. =)

Good Readers Studio things: Loved seeing old friends and also visiting with those not as familiar, i.e. Johanna and Mary. Loved meeting artists like Ciro Marchetti and hearing about his process and how he goes about making his art. I LOVE his Tarot of Dreams and picked that deck up. I loved catching up with Ruth Ann and Wald, my teachers.

I loved the italian restaurant we discovered, even if it did make me sick.. was good while it lasted..LOL. I loved that we got to enjoy some broadway and NY culture.

I love the decks I got - Tarot of Dreams and the Maat Tarot. Ive had my eye on the Maat deck since last year. I love my Readers Studio poster, and I love the wand I got from Garnet. Garnet had some amazing wands she had made. Mine is made of rose quartz and is gorgeous.

Eric had a FANTASTIC experience I think and really found his own footing there, and I think that was amazing. While we sat together, we read separately and he absolutely held his own. I was sooo proud of him - though i knew he could do it! =)

Wow - after writing all that Im not sure that there is a list of things I did not like. Certainly there were issues, like the exhaustion we were constantly fighting. I think the location of the hotel was problematic in that leaving was tough, either it was expensive to go to the city or there was nowhere locally to go, unlike last year where there was a diner for some variety. I think that really affected us a lot.

There was the clique-y thing going on at times which was tough and made me feel funny, though certainly there were plenty of very lovely people to hang out with and get to know and I did.

I have yet to pick up my cards since I have been home though. I experienced that last year too where for a week or two I just did not want to look at tarot. Maybe we got too close this weekend, maybe too familiar.. maybe not close or familiar enough?

Queen of Wands Reversed

2008-04-08T12:54:00.001-07:00

This is one of my favorite renditions of the Queen of Wands done by Ciro Marchetti, who has done the Gilded Tarot and Tarot of Dreams. He also did the poster for the Readers Studio which, in a few weeks, you will be able to check out in my office at home after I purchase one at the Readers Studio directly from Ciro. Im totally jazzed about seeing his artwork and meeting him - Im a huge fan!! And if I am really lucky, I will also be in possession of his tarot deck Tarot of Dreams as well in 2 weeks! =)))

My reading this week:
1. What I have: 9 of Wands reversed.

2. What I need to know: Queen of Wands reversed.

3. Outcome: 10 of Cups

Not all that much different from last week with the exception of my current situation, last week it was the Knight of Pentacles, this week it is 9 of Wands.. im guessing I have made some progress! So does this 9 mean I have gone from the standstill contemplation of that Knight onto rushing forward.. through the war.. looking much currently like one bashed by my wands? Maybe..

So I am in the process of dealing with many personal demons that have been sitting in the shadows until recently. I can definitely see myself as that guy just doing my best to fight through it. I am definitely battling through not just my health, but my fear of health care - i still have a few obstacles to go, the worst of them, as a matter of fact. I have an ultrasound in 2 days which I am soooo not looking forward to and also the dreaded mammogram which has yet to be scheduled. There was another test that I was to have, but woke up and decided that was just a little too overboard even for this upside down Queen. So I got through my blood test part today, or actually one of the bigger blood tests needed. I have more next week too. But now I just have to get through Thursday and I think i will be able to see myself on the other side.

So I am definitely out of my comfort zone here.. my left arm has a HUGE bruise from this morning. Im facing this ultrasound this week that is being done quite contrarily to my preference, but I am going to do this I have decided, in spite of my reluctance. This, i feel i can do, as opposed to that other nasty test I do not think i can do. It will, however, probably turn me waaaay on top of my head just with the anxiety alone.

But - the outcome is still the same - the treasured 10 of Cups. Which is my goal.

I am definitely seeing a pattern with this weekly reading, which has really been fantastic.

I just ordered yet another book needed for my weekly class of Initiation, Western Magical whatever.. great class! Im totally loving the class, its fascinating. Ive started doing the banishing pentagram ritual before reading now, which is kinda kewl. Not sure if I am doing it right, but i feel more energized surprisingly now that i have been doing this ritual daily or almost daily. Of course, we have gotten into the meat of the course where we are discussing the pentagram in regard to each element, and my eyes are starting to cross with it all, but I will spend the week doing my best.

So now each week I have a BOTA lession and a Magical initiation lesson.. and Tarot. =)

Ive also been having more people requesting readings from me, which has been neat. Im not sure how to work that out though. I mean, i hate the idea of charging my friends or even acquaintances, but at the same time, I do recognize that I need to have some sort of trade so I dont get drained and tired, which does happen to me. The people asking are in our witch's group, so I thought maybe if we had it as a meetup where others can read for me too, then we would kind of have a win-win thing.

But it is most interesting that the goal I set when starting BOTA study is slowly but surely starting to materialize.. and this is very exciting but also amazing to watch. And feel and experience!

April

2008-03-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

Okay - so its been 2 weeks since Ive blogged..lol.. and with good reason. Last week's reading, i totally did not get and still dont! So it was awfully hard to blog on it. I guess I could have blogged as to why I dont get what the reading was about..

So its a strange thing because in looking at the reading, i guess i could see things that might plug into what it meant, maybe, but is the idea that im supposed to plug what goes on into my readings or am I supposed to be able to plug my readings into what is going on.. i dunno.

So last week's reading was:

1. Temperance reversed.

2. Death.

3. Queen of Wands reversed.

Ok.. so temperance reversed is about imbalance, and possibly having that affect your health. I wasnt really sick, but i can see how i might be a bit imbalanced and not feeling well from it... maybe. Then the Death card - what is that about? Im thinking, maybe its the end of imbalance? The outcome is the Queen of Wands reversed..

So I had a perfectly great week last week.. didnt feel sick or imbalanced, didnt really experience a huge change or ending so far.. My mother got sick and was in the hospital, so then im all freaked out thinking OMG - shes imbalanced and going to die.. (God forbid) but i know better than that.. but still, with every call not hearing she was feeling better, there was this sinking feeling for me.

But I drew another card on the question - is this Death a good thing or a bad thing? I received some reassurance with the 5 of cups reversed.

But I would not describe my outcome as being reversed, if the queen was in fact me. Could have been my mother, i might describe her as a Queen of Wands or an upside down Queen of Wands (sorry mom). But .. i dunno, just didnt feel like it fit..?

Ok - so this week:

1. Knight of Pentacles

2. Queen of Wands reversed

3. 10 of Cups

So something is definitely up with the Queen of Wands cause she is all over my readings these days. Then Im thinking maybe this is all leading up to this appointment i have tomorrow with this specialist. Something Im not looking forward to, 3-hour GYN appointment - ick. I still cannot figure out what in the world we are going to do for 3 hours - not sure I even want to know. I can see myself as the knight of pentacles.. getting myself ready, getting the information together and getting ready to receive information from this doctor. Pentacles with the health and the work it is taking to get myself to go .. dark horse and environment because frankly its not a bright and happy time im planning to have!

And I can see how this might put me a bit upside down.

but the outcome is kinda kewl, especially considering why I am going. So then im thinking of the problem with getting pregnant has been that im kind of imbalanced in a way which is affecting my health and what i want to do.. and seeing a doctor tomorrow for 3 hours might very well lead to a major end of this - and doing what will need to be done will definitely put me upside down (I almost feel sorry for the poor guy tomorrow having to deal with neurotic old me) - I might be able to see last week's reading there..

But that was for last week, not this week..??

Maybe this is all referring to other things Im doing. I signed up for Lon Milo Duquette's Initiation into Western Magick class - its FANTASTIC! Im totally loving it. Check out The Key to Solomon's Key - its great, very interesting (at least so far!).

More later with hopefully some valdiation on this!

A New and Better Week

2008-03-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

OMG - so its almost the end of the week and Im just getting around to writing on my beginning of the week's reading - its been busy around here!!

Reading for the week:

1. What I have: King of Wands

2. What I need to know: Ace of Pentacles

3. What I get: 6 and 7 of Swords

Ok - so its Thursday, and I still have no clue what the deal is with the King of Wands. I dont feel like the King of Wands, Eric does not appear to me to be the King of Wands, though I could be wrong. There have definitely been some things over the last weekend and early in the week that might lend to that.. just not sure. I was reading Kabbalistic Tarot, and I think maybe I got a slight hint.. Dovid Krafchow, the author, speaks of air feeding fire, and the fire of the wand being that of will. The outcome of spiritual will is illumination. He mentions blind will and that this can be both miraculous or destructive.

I have definitely been working with my will over the past 2 weeks, and a miracle or two, or even just 1 would be a nice outcome in that regard. So if this card refers to that and is validating this for me, Ill take it (not that I have the choice not to..lol).

What I need to know.. I smiled when i saw the Ace of Pentacles. It is a most welcome energy as compared to last week's. It said to me that all the things last week that went nowhere, which was just about everything, would work out much better this week, and so far they have. I got to the Social Security office and had my number updated with my married name. I then got to renew my driver's license here without issue. Those 2 things alone were quite substantial in regard to things I have been working on. I have been hearing from some people in our tarot group expressing more interest, that was nice. I admit I have been a bit stubborn on that front, still kind of ticked off about it,but it was nice to be able to talk about it with some friends, I felt supported which was something I needed. So work is getting done and being accomplished.

Outcome - I pulled 1 card but 2 came out, so I took them both. I felt from the 6 of swords that I would be moving away from my thoughts that were really getting me down if I chose. Distancing myself from the issues so I could work with the thoughts in my head, talking to others to help me gain some objectivity. Facing the idea of possibly walking away for a while from my tarot meetup would be disappointing but might be necessary in order to have a better attitude, seek my pleasures that way elsewhere instead of there..

When I first pulled the 7 I was unsure.. but by Monday morning I knew what it was getting at. One of the issues about the social security card was that even if I got the application in, I would not get my new card until after my license expired unless they did not take my original. So addressing that required a bit of deception on my part.. and while I was not sure if I should do that, after remembering that card, I went for it and just told them I had lost my original card as opposed to handing it over. It worked out great, they gave me the forms, i had the original, and 2 days later I was at the DMV, problem solved.

Ok - off to work!!

Validation

2008-03-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ok- i know what the message of the 8 of pentacles reversed is now - that i will get NOTHING done this week! This has been, by far, one of the most frustrating weeks!

I need to renew my driver's license by my birthday. I also need to transfer my license to North Carolina. So I make arrangements from work to take off on Wednesday to do this. I grab all my documents, go out to the car to grab the last one, proof of insurance, and it is nowhere to be found! Not only was it not in the car, but the latest proof of insurance in my car was from 2006!!

Sooo.. i go into the house, go into Eric's office and start looking.. nothing. He has this pile of papers for file in his drawer.. its not in there. Oh - the 2007 proof of insurance was in there, not in the car, but in his drawer, and the 2008 insurance still nowhere to be found. Go to my office, its not in the file for it. ?!?!?!

Call Eric - it should be in the car - ya, well ITS NOT!! Then it should be in the drawer - ya, well ITS NOT!! He did have a copy in his wallet.. great place for it, especially if I am driving.

Ive now spent 1.5 hours on this. Realizing Im not going to get this done, i go back to work, not at all happy with my significant other. He gets home and finds it somewhere in the shelves above his desk.. great place for it.

Ok - so on Thursday afternoon, i once again try heading out to the DMV, and I actually get there! She needs my proof of insurance, check; social security card, check; old driver's license, check - uh oh - wait.. the name on my social security card doesnt match my license. Ya.. well its been that way for 6+ years. Sorry - until the name on my social security card matches my license, they wont issue me a new one.

Okaaay - but that takes 6 weeks. Yes, they know that. Okaaay - but my license will expire on the 25th - yes, they know that. But.. does that mean that when i finally get my new card in 6 weeks I will have to take the drivers test again?! No.. I have up to a year to renew my license without having to do that. Uh huh. BUT - in the meantime I have to make sure i dont drive.

great.

So.. now not only do i not have a car during the day and am prisoner in the house, come the 25th i will have no license too. Joy to the world!!

Then I leave there and head to the social security administration. What do they give away there, id like to know! The DMV is empty, they must all be at social security doing the same thing I have to because there was nto an inch in the cracker box office there to stand, let alone the smell!!

So Im thinking.. ok, this afternoon I will pick up Eric and head back there and so i will just have to sit there for an hour instead of 5. Uh.. ya, well the office closes at 4, and eric doesnt get out of work til then.

Nothing accomplished!!

Then in the mail arrives a package for Blysse from her father with a box of 2 necklaces and a bracelet and a note saying he was sorry he had not sent them sooner, and she must be so grown up by now he would not recognize her if he saw her. Pathetic. And my child has to go run like a fire is burning to "thank him" which absolutely set me off. The man has not supported her since she was 12, we dont even have a phone # to give to her school.. hasnt bought her a pair of shoes in years, but manages to scrape it up for jewelry she doesnt need. Then of course when she talks to him he shares that he wants to come visit during her break. NOT.

So let me get this straight - he cant afford to support her financially, steals insurance reimbursement from me and doesnt cover her medical bills at all for years.. is wanted by the Clark County District Attorney for failure to meet his responsibilities that way.. refuses to keep in touch with me regarding our daughter, we have no way to reach him should we need to (and we dont), but he has the money and ability to send jewelry and traipse across the country for a visit (hes been threatening to visit all year and has yet to show up or even call to arrange this). AND of course, this all gets discussed with my daughter instead of me, the person who does her schedule.

Uh huh - i smell a rat. Sure enough, i call the DA and they cannot serve court papers to him because he is not in Clark County and refuses to give his address. And his father lied and told the server that he is living in New Mexico, as opposed to Northern Nevada, where he really is. Something else not done no matter how hard we work at this, and we have been working at it for years.

And with all the disappointments and dishonesty, etc., I ask my child how she can even give this person the time of day.. and im told something is better than nothing. So much for progress on that. I still havent figured out what something she is talking about beyond a necklace sent.

The outcome.. my star is most definitely upside down, that would be a great description of my spirit this week... with maybe a little fire underneath it for my frustration. Urrrrrrgh!!!

Lord of Strength

2008-03-11T16:13:00.001-07:00

Reading for the week of March 10:

1. What you have: 9 of Wands

2. What you need to know: 8 of Pentacles reversed

3. What you get: Star reversed.

I think the card I am most identifying with this week is the first, as when i drew it, it really illustrated best how am was feeling. So I went into the weekend recovering, so to speak, from my tiff with Eric, feeling totally high from reading with the witches on Thursday night.. Coffee meetup was really a lot of fun, gave out some of my cards, which was kewl. Still dreading our meetup for Saturday night. BUT.. i spent the afternoon preparing - i had this total Wheel presentation ready to go on the IPOD, the works. 1 person shows up. 8 RSVPs, and 1 person there.

So I really think this card is a great self portrait. Because im pretty sick and tired of wasting my energy on a group and a group of people who really do not seem to share my passion. Its been a pretty disappointing endevour for me in this regard, as our group in Las Vegas was really a lot of fun and we had made so many kewl friends and connections, people I still talk to today having moved 3000 miles away. The group inspired me and motivated me, and helped me. This group here.. i feel like I have been working and working and fighting and fighting for something that only I really want. And I cannot say I am enjoying it, because I am not. So here I am in this card.. building up my wall around me in frustration and defeat and annoyance.. yet I know inside that I cannot let this kind of thing get me down. I can see from this card that I am pretty much at the end of this, with this card being a 9. I know the deal, the only thing not done is for it to be in front of me, which would probably look more like some very honest and frank direct conversations which I am not motivated to do. And I think that also really isolates me but at the same time i see its finishing..

The 8 of pentacles reversed as what I need to know is a little trickier for me. On the one hand, it could simply be the opposite of its upright implying im not doing enough work or working and concentrating hard enough. I dont think that works for me, i really do not think that is true. I worked pretty darn hard on Saturday in preparation and usually work pretty hard at coming up with ideas, etc.

It can also refer to being tired of working so hard or feeling stuck at a dead end job, wishing to change occupations, lack of concentration. It also talks about inner work and therapy, working through patterns, writing daily. This might be more the case, but im not sure where the wisdom lies in this.. ? I definitely feel stuck professionally and even with this group, for sure. I have been working on inner stuff, no therapy, sorry. And Im writing more than I have in years, so thats true. Maybe its that i need to keep going with this and follow through in spite of how Im feeling.. Maybe that is the way out.

So what i get is my star still being upside down, meaning my clarity of vision is lacking, not seeing the true star in myself.. time for being rather than doing. Okaaaay..

I guess clarification is coming next week..lol.

My spirit card for the week is RELATIONSHIP: Your energies will attract new people into your life. I could use some of that for sure!! Uh oh - there goes my Star turning again!

Validation

2008-03-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

I am most restless today, i should be working but have much on my mind in regard to the Wheel. In the past few weeks, the things I needed to know really did not have a huge effect on my life generally, this week the wheel has been turning and really been huge for me.

So Eric and I have this ongoing issue since this summer, and we had a huge argument earlier this week and we are speaking but its weird. So yesterday I pull a relationship spread:

1. The Querent - The Queen of Wands reversed - Bingo.
2. My immediate lesson - 4 of Wands
3. The bigger picture - Page of Cups reversed.
4. What I should do - The Wheel of Fortune

5. What I should not do - 4 of pentacles

6. Situation feeding into the core of issue - 10 of pentacles.

This was a pretty huge reading. When the Queen of Wands is upside down, she is not just being a bitch and witch but also feeling like her growth is being strained and difficult, ambitions being thwarted. She goes from being not just fire in temper but ice cold in her demeanor, withholding affection and warmth. This would absolutely describe me and my feelings toward my current situation. It feels to me like everyone is out there growing and doing the things they need to become who they are supposed to.. while Im sitting here at home not able to go anywhere or do anything except sit at my desk and work. Which ticks me off and frustrates me because it is not a situation totally within my control (if it was i certainly would not be here).

The immediate picture is the 4 of wands - which refers to our home, our life, marriage.. This card in this position is always read as upright.

Feeding into the situation was the 10 of pentacles - which is a card that shows life carrying on, we see a village and the family moving through their affairs. One of the aspects of this is seeking permanance, and i think this card talks about what we are trying to achieve and what we want our life to look like with all of us busy and happy and getting things done.

Over top - the bigger picture - Page of cups reversed. Now Eric frequently describes himself as the Page of Cups. So Im looking at this and seeing that both the Queen of Wands (me) and the Page of Cups (him) are upside down - Ya! Seeing the Page over my head did not do much for my mood..lol. And being the very feminine, upside down Queen I am, I immediately think that this Page is Eric, and it very well could be..

But on closer inspection of who the Page of Cups reversed is, Im not so sure: He is afraid of love, denies vulnerability. Loss of innocense. Needing constant assurance that you are loved. Oversensitivity and sensibility. Unromantic, callous. Maybe you have decided you will never be vulnerable again. Obsessed with magic and spirits.

This could very well be Eric, but I do have to keep in mind that people around us are mirrors of ourselves - and what part of that Page is me?

What should I do - Wheel of Fortune. Understand this too shall pass, it may be on a negative turn, but this is followed by positive times too. Keep it in scale, knowing also that Eric's wheel is turning as well as Blysse's wheel which feel different than my wheel and cycles. Maybe I should be appreciating the other things in my life and be looking around me for those instead of just being fixated on those things which do not make me happy..

What should I not do - 4 of Pentacles. Hmmm.. this is a tougher one. Maybe not be so fixated on the material things (easy to say but very difficult when you do not have things like a car to leave your house!). Maybe not be so protective over my heart.. ?

So we were hanging out with the witches in Winston Salem last night. We had the best time!! It was tarot night and we had some new readers, some experienced some not.. and we did some great readings last night. And what reassuring card came up for someone - thats right The Wheel of Fortune! It was great to give her that gift!! And I think we are coming up to a new cycle with that group with some new ideas, and I loved that!

And - I just got my first BOTA packet yesterday too - and Im beyond excited!! So I think the wheel is moving around this week, in that I felt kinda stuck with Tarot now that class has been suspended until after the Studio and Ive been having a tougher time with our own group.. it was great to have the BOTA stuff come and also have a great night of readings this week in Winston Salem. Im feeling really good about that today and heading into the weekend..

Where we will cover The Wheel of Fortune Saturday night - coincidence - i think not! I wish the Wheel in that regard was more upright though..

The Wheel in the Sky

2008-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

My reading for this week:

1. What I have: 6 of Wands

2. What I need to know: Wheel of Fortune Reversed

3. What I get: 4 of Pentacles

So I think the 6 of wands has to do with getting through this past weekend, which was very hectic. It was parent weekend, and I had no idea what we were going to face with the coming of the weekend. My parents came out, which was great, and I was not nervous,but with my family, you just never know how its gonna go. Also we were concerned about the teacher conferences, as Blysse has been having some trouble in a few of her classes. I also wanted to come out of the weekend with possibly new friends.

I think on all levels we were pretty victorious. We really enjoyed the time with my parents, even in spite of some issues, it was a great visit. The conferences went much better than I thought, and so I would definitely consider those a victory. We also met the mother of one of Blysse's classmates who will probably be moving here, and she was just lovely and we did some readings for her and her friend. So I think I really started out the week having had a great outcome to the past weekend.

But what i need to know for this coming week surrounds the Wheel of Fortune - Reversed. Im not sure what this will be surrounding. Not coincidentally, we will be studying the Wheel this weekend in our Tarot Meetup.. maybe its referring to possibly being stuck with that, as our group is not the largest yet and we have some people who will not be there.. and i am worried about how things are shaping up with the group. So I can see it might be referring to this.

Maybe it is referring to me being stuck.. but this would be in a much bigger way than normally. Im not really sure how it fits in with my first card.. or if it even needs to.

This led me to seek the secret of the Wheel, which is Scale. What does this mean - great question, because at first glance, i had no idea myself. Per Wald Amberstone from the Secrets of Tarot classes: "When The Wheel of Fortune comes up in a reading, its secret reminds you that your situation is unimaginably rich with possibility if you look above, below, within and beyond your normal range of vision."

The 4 of pentacles talks about being focused on material things, accumulating things of power and wealth and assuring that you can keep them. He is the miser of the deck. I also see him as a protected person, as the pentacle in this deck covers his heart and above and below him. As an outcome it could be me being more protected financially, which would be nice. It could mean im getting more stingy, hopefully not..lol. Maybe things remain safe and tight and getting financially better or at least maintaining status quo.. ill take that.

How do I relate that to the Wheel and what i need to know.. ? I think some validation will be needed on this one.

My spirit card for the week: Spirit. Taking a leap of faith, knowing that you are guided and protected. This would fit with the 4 of Pentacles, i think.

Magic

2008-02-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

My favorite oracle deck so far is the Guardians of Wisdom by Emy Ledbetter and Todd Hershey. I got it last year at the Readers Studio, and I just love it. You can check it out at guardiansofwisdom.com if you wish. Its beautiful artwork but has the most insightful guidance for me. Kevin started me on the oracle thing. Kevin used to read, and still does just not with me, at our tarot meetup in Las Vegas. He would do a reading and then sometimes if he brought his oracle deck would pull a card for someone. So when I was at the Readers Studio and Janette showed me this deck i thought it would be a kewl thing to try out for me.. and it has been!

-side note to me - Call kevin.

Anyway - a lot of times when i do a reading for myself or others, especially when the reading is a tougher one, where the picture feels kinda grim or the Tarot has discussed tough things coming up, i will pull an oracle card. I have found it to be very insightful and also very supportive. Sometimes it is just good reassurance. Sometimes it gives me something to keep in mind when tougher things start to come up. Sometimes it gives me something to meditate or contemplate while I am going through things during the week. Sometimes it will come up with a point of view that I do not wish to hear, but will be the key to resolving my dilemma.

So Magic came up for me today, and by that it means: You have the ability to spontaneously manifest gifts from the universe. Hmmm.. sounds like the Magician to me.

My reading for the week was:

What you have: 6 of swords reversed. Upright this card talks about leaving a situation or train of thought, sad to leave it, but curious to go on.. It comes right after the pressure of the 5, and it holds the promise of the 6, meaning it is hot and in the center of the tree after the pressure of the 5, its more controllable. The situation is as I choose to see it, the darkness is behind me (the card is light). I am in the water of creation, and my mind is clear. The title of this card is Lord of Earned Success.

So reversed - I can see where it is talking about not moving on, not seeing the promise and chosing instead of light to see negatively; negative thoughts, not moving on but stagnating.. not seeing the beauty of a situation or people.

This would describe my current thoughts. Just Friday I was working and there were files I had assigned myself. The other person working in the Q also was doing the same thing, so we ended up with the same files assigned, and I got 1 of the 10, and the balance downloaded into her Q instead of mine. Thinking she was being sabotaging, i impetuously went back into the Q and reassigned the files to myself and downloaded them (hows that for an upside down Queen of Wands). On giving the matter further thought, I realized that she would then be working on these files, see them go to trash, and then see them in my Q or that i had reassigned this to me, etc. Sensing this would cause great conflict, i then emailed her and told her what happened and then begrudgingly told her to just take the files and I would catch up the next day. I tried not to be bitchy in my note, but Im sure she got the idea.

To her credit, she wrote me back saying she had not even noticed, thanked me, and then offered to split them. I definitely felt like the jerk i was being and saw that I, also, had that choice and chose the more negative route in my thoughts and actions. Usually it is just my thoughts that go in that direction when working and the energy usually follows suit, so I can see how this card describes my lack of direction forward toward a more positive point of view. And I definitely see that I could make better choices that would benefit me better.

I can also see other aspects of my life where i hve been chosing to think more negatively instead of positively which do sabotage me from moving forward or appreciating things around me.

This card also discusses delays in transportation and changes in plans, difficulty with water? This week coming up involves Parent Weekend and changing plans as far as my parents' visit and what we are going to do.. maybe it is a situation where plans will change with the coming weather (its been rainy and fears of icy weather always).

What I need to know: Page of Pentacles. This person is a student, young, Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. Cautious, realistic, steadfast. Believes only in what they can see and touch. It is also about seeking facts and gathering information. As a messenger the page says to pay attention to the physical body, health, possessions. Indicates collection of data and information. Children who are watchful, studious or pragmatic, often playing alone or entertaining themselves. - Mary Greer, Tarot Reversals.

Hmm.. sounds like a Blysse situation. First, Blysse is young, a student and a Taurus. Second, we are going to parent teacher conferences on Friday.. sounds like a great opportunity to gather information and data. She is also a very independent kid who is great at entertaining herself and playing alone. I will definitely be aware of these characteristics when going through the week and weekend.

Outcome: Ace of Cups. Hmm.. the holy grail of emotion and creativity. That sounds like a wonderful way to end the week after spending it with my family and with Blysse's other family at school. She practically lives there and it will be very nice to have all the possibilities open to us in regard to meeting all her friends and teachers and families who are on the same adventure we are.

So how does the Magician or Magic fit into this? I think this card lets me know that if I choose to think better thoughts and have more positive intentions, anything is possible and I can get into that boat and move on from the stress of the 5 and stagnation from the 6. I think it lets me know that regardless of the conferences (one or two might be difficult) that I have the ability to manifest whatever I wish from those things. I think this is a good thing and certainly a great start and promise for the week.

This should make for great validation come next Sunday. =)

The Magician

2008-02-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

We had our tarot meetup last night and covered the Magician as well as which cards best describe us. The magician channels divine power from above and below. He has a transparent intelligence where power passes through him, he has no power of his own, it is divine power. He manipulates this power, but it is not his. His astrological sign is mercury and hermes. The power of the magician is inside of you and nowhere else.

On his table he has the tools of the elements, the wand, cup, sword and pentacle. In the Thoth deck, he creates with the wand, preserves with the cup, with the sword he destroys, and with the pentacle redeems. - Thoth Tarot by Lon Milo Duquette. Lon also mentions in his book that a common "rumor" is that in this deck are 3 magicians, or magus. This, according to Lon, is a myth. Because the decks are printed in 80 cards, most decks usually use the 2 extra cards with ads or instructions. AG Mueller instead included 2 copies of rough drafts of the original Magus card which Crowley had rejected. So according to Mr. Duquette, there is only 1 magician, or magus, and no 2 wisemen or any other card or concept.

Eric reads with the Sacred Rose deck, which is pictured here. He had a great observation of his magician card he felt the sword the magician is holding in front of him seemed phallic. I found that a very interesting obeservation which brought to mind the question Wald frequently asks when we are looking at our cards and intuiting from them. Frequently he will ask after we have shared our interpretation if that particular thought or idea was something we were dealing with. For instance, when interpretting the 6 of cups, those children reminded me of a brother and sister playing, and when Wald asked about whether that is an experience I have had, the answer would be that I could see that as my brother and I playing as children. When I asked a person in our group what she saw in that card, she saw herself as the person walking away in the very left of that card - and i would venture a guess that this is an experience she has had in relation to the meaning of that card. We did not really delve into that. But it brought about the question, in regard to what Eric saw in his magician, what experience is the phallic sword referring to for him..

This brought us to a discussion about, what I would describe as the difference between what we intuit from a card versus its textbook meaning. Does that sword in the magician have a phallic meaning, probably not in a textbook way. But that does not mean that it did not have that meaning for Eric and that it was not accurate or pointing out issues of his own power related to that. What that means for Eric is up to him, certainly not something i would choose to delve into on a public blog.. LOL

This issue is a remarkable thing because this is one of the aspects that I, myself, work with all the time. It is very hard going from a book smart approach of just going with a definition or description from a book I have read to really untuiting the many different messages in front of me. This is a skill that I, myself, have been struggling and working on for the last 2 years. To truly appreciate and understand tarot is to really see not only all the layers involved in a card, but also to know that it is alive in its way, it evolves as well do, as each card describes a part of ourselves. As we evolve and grow, so does the card and how we relate to it and what it means to us.

The magician of 2 years ago meant something entirely different to me than what it would mean to me today. For instance, 2 years ago, the magician represented something I did not know or believe. I did not know that inside me lies a magician who can bring about anything I wish, and certainly even when it was shown to me, i did not believe this to be true. As I have grown as a person and with tarot, he has become my partner. Yet when Eric was working with him last night, he did not mean the same thing for Eric at that point, nor did i read him the same way in regard to Eric. Had i just been working with a book, none of this could be said. For Eric the magician was discussing and relating to him in an entirely different way.

To the same end, there are 21 ways to read a card. The card has many attributes, i.e. name, number, atrology, path, intelligence, etc.

While I am most definitely of fire, a big part of me is also air and tends to stay in that logical sword place - and i need to remember and work with other elements in order to fully hear and feel the messages which are relayed to me. This is a challenge for me.

I learned last night that while it is easy for me to see this issue come out in others, what it is really reflecting is this very issue in myself. I was recently sharing my frustration at not having that person next to me pointing this out to me and reminding me that while logic is great, my heart and intuition are also needed as balance. And yet as I write this, i realize it probably is there, just in a different way.

And how funny is it that this is also part of the message of the magician and his alchemy.

It is amazing how even when we are just going over and learning a card we can see our stories in front of us.

How kewl is this!!

2008-02-07T16:48:00.000-08:00

Ok - so i could not figure out how people could have the kewlest blog backgrounds and I didnt.. so im going into other blogs trying to figure this out and i hit this little teeny, tiny stripe that says blog templates, and here we go!

Of course, you cant see the previous setup.. but being the wannabe computer geek I am, i get so very excited when i do things here that I did not previously think I could figure out without calling a true computer geek. LOL

So I did my reading for the week on Monday, and once again my current situation was described as the 10 of swords reversed. This is the second week in a row my current situation was described this way. At first, seeing the 10 of swords, like most people, i went urrrrgh. BUT - it was reversed. So at first im thinking.. urrrgh, this means it will last longer or be drawn out instead of being wrapped up and moving on. Then I consulted with my favorite reversal book by Mary Greer, Tarot Reversals, and realized that the 10 of Swords reversed might be a good thing. Because, as she points out, when you look at the card, the sky is much brighter when this card is reversed as opposed to right side up. So this means things are in the process of looking brighter - i can stand that!

Last week's middle position, what i need to know, was 5 of cups. This week it is 6 of swords. So I guess my thoughts are moving away from my suffering and grief and maybe paying more attention to what is in the 2 upright cups as opposed to the fallen 3. Bernard and his b.s. was on my mind, as right after I did last week's reading I did a reading on the situation with him. Part of the 6 of swords is gaining objectivity by laing a situation and turmoil. hmmm

The outcome for my week is the Star reversed. Not sure what that is about, though it would probably describe my mood about me lately. Workin on it..

We have tarot this weekend - activity is Which tarot card are you? This should be fun. We did this with the Witches group last month and the conversations were amazing, very revealing. As crazy as that group is, they are very open people, which is one of the things I love best about them. Our tarot group seems more conservative, at least energy-wise, which is also a good thing i think..lol.. so it will be interesting to see how everyone spins this activity for themselves and contrast it with what we did last month.

My contemplation this week has been the Star reversed. And not cooincidentally, the tarot meeting this month in Raleigh will be the Star.

Getting Started

2008-02-03T11:03:00.000-08:00

Okay - this is my first go at this, not sure how Ive done. I have no idea why im even blogging except that everyone else is! When i checked out other blogs it seems these are like online journal entries, still havent figured out why people would want the public to see their journals, but what the heck! Not sure I will tell anyone my blog address or site anyway. =)

The title - Queen of Wands - thats usually me, hence the title. Quoting from Mary Greer, The Queen of Wands wants life to be full of passion and excitement, she is about the fiery feminine with characteristics of the fire signs, mine being Aries. More than the other Queens of the Tarot, she has leadership ability and a fierce determination to make her own decisions or get her own way while remaining friendly and optimistic. When intent on her desires, she expresses her passionate nature boldly, self-confidently communicating creative visions and original ideas. She is assertive with high energy, independent and tends to have the power to influence others. She can be ferrocious when attacked or if defending others. She can be ardent in love. As a mother and partner, she is generally warm, courageous and loving but can become haughty, domineering and can overmanage her children's lives and futures (not me! LOL).

Although never arrogant, the Queen of Wands has a deep faith in her own abilities. Her quiet self assurance comes from the knowledge that she can accomplish whatever she sets her mind to.

She is usually my significator in readings and I know when she is there the Universe is speaking directly to me, using her to get my attention. I like the Queen of Wands in me, and she usually serves me well, hence the name of my blog.

As for the Maris Miao part - I first heard the last name a few years ago while working - i thought, what a great last name for a person with the first name Maris! And isnt that a great dramatic stage name for me - and most befitting a Queen of Wands! Since this is my blog and I can do whatever I like and be whoever I wish, I decided a dramatic and dreamy name for my Queen and blog would be most appropriate. This is, afterall, probably the only place I will ever be Maris Miao, since my husband would take great offense should I change his name or trade him in for a person with the last name Miao..LOL. =*)

Okay - so I got this idea from Amy, someone I have not spoken to for quite some time. I loved her blog. So I have a ton of time on my hands today and thought I would give this a whirl, as it is Superbowl Sunday but the game doesnt start til 6 p.m. and im not sure what in the world i will do with the rest of my day! But this is very kewl.

I also see a lot of tarot readers with blogs and websites. I really want to do that, get a website together. When I do that, then i will attach this blog to it. But this is a great start and the closest I have gotten to it - very exciting. Next I need to get business cards for the Readers Studio, which is in April. I am very excited to be going.

The Readers Studio is sponsored by the Tarot School in New York, where I take class every week. Well, not for the next few months I wont be cause they are too busy for class between now and the Studio time, but usually during the year I take class every Wednesday night for 2 hours on the telephone. We all dial into the conference call and cover a card, though sometimes we do intensives as well. For instance, last class module covered pathworking - which was really kewl. So I guess as I experience new things, I can now blog about them instead of talking my teacher's ear off the next day! LOL.

Anyway, the Readers Studio is a workshop gathering once a year where all the accomplished readers and artists in Tarot get together and study. Those people who write the books that line my shelves are at this studio and sometimes they teach a workshop and sometimes they take the workshops. Last year was my first year to go and it was amazing to not only study with Rachel Pollack and Mary Greer and not only have them do a breakfast or workshop, but also to be among other people with just as amazing gifts as well. For instance, one night we went to dinner with a group and someone took out their deck and we all ended up reading for one another while waiting for our salads - which was totally kewl!! So the people doing the workshops are amazing, but those attending those workshops are just as amazing if not more so!

And I dont even remember a time when i was so drained and so quiet as when i got back from last year's workshop. OMG - I couldnt speak for a week! Like Eric or others would call and ask me about the weekend, and I could not even share for a week or two after I got home. Its like I was transported to this place inside me where all these magical things were taking place and I stayed there for a week or two afterwards even. It was truly an experience.

This year Eric is coming as well. How awesome this year has been - both eric and blysse have really gotten into reading Tarot as well and both are really amazing and gifted! Blysse asked if she would be able to join us at the Studio in 2 years and I absolutely think that is the kewlest!! She would be amazing.

Ok - so i cant write my whole mind out in 1 blog, so i will wrap this up and write more maybe tomorrow.