Contemplating Strength

Doing lots of blogging this week, doing lots of readings too. I couldnt really hone in on the what i needed to know card this week until today, though. I was thinking maybe the silent strength was needed of me to support my family, but I dont think so. And certainly that would not facilitate an outcome of the hermit.

Then this morning im reading my email and there is yet another email alerting me to a change in the schedule to one of my meetup groups, specifically this group I just joined called Positive World Spiritual Meetup group. I was asked to join by one of the members who is also in a few of our other groups as well, she had written to me on my profile page, and while this is not necessarily my thing, per se, i did join in support of her.

So she keeps sending out these notes that the details of the meetup have been updated, yet they are the same, no changes have been made from day to day, so i go over to the main page to see if maybe Im missing something. And there is the blurb to this other person, found on the main page in the shout section, that 1 person should not keep him from joining the group, he should be doing what works for him and not allowing other people to ruin it for him.

Ok.. so in regard to this person she wrote this to, this guy has been upset with me for some strange reason, Im not sure why. He had been signed up for our last tarot meetup. I ended up cancelling the meetup because 2 or 3 hours before the meetup was to meet, only 1 person whas signed up to attend, and it would be quite awkward to hold a tarot reading meetup with just 1 person, it just is not the greatest energy, as he is a brand new reader, etc. So I cancelled the meetup for that night.

He got very upset and wrote me this note about how he felt.. explained how much he looks forward to these meetups, and shared some personal issues, which I will not post here, explaining Life as it is for him and the basis of his upset. Understanding and feeling horribly, I then extended some invitations to join us at various other activities and followed it up with a call the next day leaving a message and emailing him. He wrote me back basically asking me to leave him alone, that he was uncomfortable, and asking me not to contact him.

While Ive been kind of bewildered by this, I do respect his feelings and wishes. It has not escaped me that all the groups which we share in common he does not attend those activities where he sees I am coming. This hurts my feelings, as i feel terribly because I really like this person, but again, I respect his feelings.

So when I see this comment on the main board, I really am internalizing this, thinking he is referring to me. This really devastates me. First, I do not understand his reaction. I honestly tried to be sensitive and empathetic to his situation he shared, and while I can understand feeling uncomfortable about sharing too much sometimes with a person, I dont understand necessarily sharing that with other people this way.

And why the organizer of this group would post her response or counsel to this person publically on the home page of a supposed positive spirituality group is ... very telling of her. She advertises herself as a lightworker and reiki master, running a group on positivity, posting negative personality issues on the first page of her board.

I did email her asking her to give me a call, as I wanted to confirm that this reference was about me. Hate to be upset or offended if its not, but i highly doubt this is the case.. too many coincidences. Of course, she hasnt called me.

But my first instinct beyond that is to leave this group, as I really dont have much interest in it anyway, and that is before the lightworker, Reiki master posted this. I certainly do not feel supportive of a person who is so thoughtless, let alone negative this way either.

So then the Strength card comes to mind.. as does my outcome card for the week. In contemplating this, i definitely see my insides behaving like the lion here.. all fire and temper. Am I looking for this person to be the person to make the lion in me feel better? Should I be doing this for myself.. embodying the energy of this card, which would be a patient, kind, sensitive caring woman. Im trying.. ive been trying all along in regard to both of these people.

My instinct all along in regard to this gentleman is that when I see him to go over and give him a supportive hug and tell him how happy I am to see him. I feel that way.. i know underneath that his behavior is that of a person who is lonely and in pain and not about me.

But this other lady.. shes been rubbing me the wrong way for a bit. Shes one of those people who is kinda loud, always talking, knows something about everything. She goes to these meetups and ends up being the assistant and center of attention..lol.. which is great, i like the leader in her. But there is always something over the top about her. I had invited her and her husband over one night to play cards, as she was saying they are trying to make friends here.. and they were going to come, but like 3 days before cancelled because she had to work. Yet when we were walking told me she thought I didnt like people who had been married before based on me asking her how many times she had been married. Feeling terribly and telling her so, I explained I asked that question because i was trying to get to know her, not judge her. Of course, had she been doing the same, she would have found out that I, too, was previously married. I felt this had a lot to do with her cancelling. I was fine with her cancelling, it really was not a big deal and i kinda felt like they would..

But I can see the hermit card outcome, as my other instinct is to exit out of these groups I am in with her. I know this is my hurt feelings lashing out. Again, the quiet energy of the Strength card comes to mind and I guess the key to approaching this lies in this energy for me. I do not have the time or desire to have this type of thing in my life. I am waaay too old to have this immature, gossipy negativity, nor do i need to belong to groups where I am not having a great time, and I can quietly with strength and dignity do my thing elsewhere. I dont like being shoved out of things.. where i miss out on fun stuff while everyone else is out making friends - I dont want to be the enlightened hermit in a cave with just my illuminated lantern.

I cannot seem to get out of my own way when it comes to this stuff..LOL