the big C

Ive been wanting to watch this series for a while. I started watching it when it first came out On Demand, but did not really get into it too much. Then when the third season started, I thought maybe I did not give it enough of a chance, as I love most of the other series on Showtime and HBO. So I bought the first season last week and spent Sunday watching it.

Wow!! What an amazing show and worth my time and money, and I cant wait to get the second season, so I can take advantage of the On Demand and watch the third!

One of the reasons I love shows like this, and this show in particular, is because its written with the gift of seeming like it is about one thing, but turns out to be about something else entirely. For instance, if you remember or got to see the show Six Feet Under, which was centered around a funeral home and each episode started out and was about issues surrounding a usually unfortunate death, the beauty about the show was it was far more about life.

The big C is also like this. The big C refers to cancer and the main character Cathy finding out she has stage IV melanoma and choosing not to have treatment and how that plays out. The thing with her is, she doesnt want to tell anyone, and this first season is about how she lives her day to day life with this secret and not telling anyone. Im not sure if the intent of this show or label is comedy, who would be so tasteless..lol.. I think its a dramedy because there are scenes that lend to some pretty funny situations, all surrounding the premise.. what would happen differently if the person speaking or relating to Cathy knew she had cancer? As the viewer, we know the scene in front of us would be playing out a lot differently, which is where the beauty of the stories in this series lie, because Cathy deals with everyone as though she doesnt have cancer, but she does.

Most of the humor in this is found through the other characters. For instance, Cathy's marriage is on the rocks, not because she has cancer and had an epiphany and threw him out.. she did that before she was diagnosed. But on the day she finds out she has cancer, her husband is complaining to her about having so sleep at his sister's. We see him going on and on.. and we understand pretty much in the first episode, and definitely by the second, exactly why she wanted space from him. And as self-centered as he is, and as much as we can relate to how Cathy feels about him.. the looming question over the whole series comes to mind.. would he be this way if he knew? If he knew, would it help him to change, could he change? Why doesnt she tell him so he can be there for her.. ? Oliver Platt plays her selfish, self-absorbed, walking emotion of a husband to excellence.. hes hysterical, and imagine that in a cancer show!

While Oliver Platt offers the comic relief of this show, it is offset by scenes Cathy has with her son. Cathy has a 15-year-old son, and her scenes with him are what really hit me most. Her son will do typial teenage things.. and is in that push mom and parent away stage.. and again you come to that thought, if he knew his mother was sick, he wouldnt do the things he does.. he would not say the things he says. How much more patience she has with him, painfully aware of how important every word she speaks to him is now.. every encounter she has with him. She cancels his soccer camp, and we understand why, its her last few months with him.. but he doesnt because he does not know. And his reaction is totally understandable, but angrily bitter, and we are watching thinking, "tell him!" only to see her take it all in.. and at the end of the night sneak in and sleep on the floor by his bed or take silly pics of the two of them with her phone, most of the time with the eye roll.. and through him is really where we see her grieve and we grieve for her and understand why she cannot find the words.

Throughout this series we see Cathy interacting with some really angry, troubled people and see her handle them with patience and love and care, which we are aware she would not have done prior to being diagnosed with terminal cancer - a miserable, cranky old lady neighbor, a tough student who is so unhealthy and wants to quit school, her insane brother who insists on being homeless and dumpster dive and her acceptance of him leading to a beautiful bonding and undersanding between them, not through him finding out about her cancer, but through her accepting and loving him and remembering and finding those things about him she loves best.

All the relationships surround the idea of how we treat people.. how unplugged we tend to be in our lives, until all of a sudden our lives are not as long as we thought they would be. What happens to us when our lives become shortened that makes us more patient? Why does it take a diagnosis of terminal cancer before we reach out to our neighbor across the street and find out their name or story? Why can we find acceptance, tolerance and love of those closest to us only during those times we are faced with losing them permanently?

In a lot of scenes in this show, the viewer is thinking, "you would not say that if you knew she was dying" or "you would not be doing that if you knew she was dying," but I think the real point is, if it is that bad or insensitive why do it at all?

Would you say that if you knew those were the last words someone would remember of you?
Would you do that if that was the last memory the person at the receiving end of that note or call from you were to have?

Would you say or do whatever it is that is on your mind to do, if you knew the person in front of you had cancer?