Chaos

Okay - the card here is the oracle card I pulled for my week this week upon asking for help and support. Very fitting though.

So as usual, I did my reading last week and got the following:

1. What I have: 3 of wands reversed

2. What I need to know: knight of cups reversed

3. What I get: King of cups

I did this reading with my new Tarot of Dreams deck. Okay.. so 3 of wands reversed.. hmmm biting off more than I can chew, difficulty putting plans into action or experiencing creative block, anxiety.. I had no clue what that was about. Nor did I understand the knight of cups either.. So Im frustrated thinking once again i was running into issues with shuffling this deck.. which would block me kind of.. but i hardly thought that would be a reading for the week. I didnt use another deck or do another reading, but I was most frustrated over this reading.

That was on Monday. Thursday I receive a note from our landlord that our lease was up next month and we needed to move out. ?!?!? Eric calls them to find out what in the world that is about, if its just a standard note and we need to renew our lease or if the owner wants the house back or ..? They apparently felt things were not working out and had been telling the owner this over the last few months and telling him how unhappy we were and how we do not handle issues properly and so the owner felt that if we were that unhappy we should move.

I felt like I had been sucker punched and for 2 days I was just not able to even engage into this situation. We love this house, though we detest the company that manages it, they are horrible. We didnt wish or plan to move though, that is for sure, and finding a home here that meets our needs is not an easy task since we need to live in a specific area to be by Blysse.

All of a sudden my reading at the beginning of the week starts formulating in my head. Difficulty putting plans in action or even making a plan, anxiety, having bitten off more than i can chew. The upside down knight involving a person who is just a loser, apparently very dishonest and scheming in regard to our management company person who is just a brainless idiot.

So Eric speaks to the manager there, asks for specifics, which of course were not given to him. I know much of it surrounded my losing it with the person who handles our house after she sent a strange person to work on the outside and did not tell me. I was here alone and there is someone banging around the house wiht an unmarked truck out front. So when i called and found out she had sent him and she said she had but was not legally required to notify me, the first thing out of my mouth to begin my launch was, "Are you crazy?" as she did not think there was any reason for me to be upset over a stranger outside the house while I am here alone, and it ended up with me very loudly telling her that if I ever see anyone out front tooling around this house while Im home alone here and not aware there was someone to be here i would call the police and press charges.

So Eric with all his patience asks the manager to discuss with the owner that we love the house and do not wish to leave and explains how frustrating it is to call them when something needs to be fixed only to receive no calls in return for a week or two at a time, how we do pay our rent on time, how we take very good care of this home, better than anyone else has for quite some time, I might add, etc., and she offers to discuss this with the owner.

We, in the meantime, spend the balance of the week and weekend looking for another place to live. Because even if he is willing to have us remain, I am not open to my fate being in the hands of losers, which is how I would describe Rent A Home of the Triad, and would have done so even before they sent me their note. And while I love this house in a lot of ways, they have been a problem since we moved in and I have not even thrown my boxes away since moving here because of this, as at least every other month I am ready to pack out of frustration from them. So by end of weekend, I definitely felt plugged into my truth and more like the King of cups in this respect.

This week's reading:

1. What I have: 5 of Swords reversed

2. What I need to know: 3 of cups reversed

3. Hanging Man

Hmmm. So I get this email from Blysse saying that if her counselor or teacher from school call me, dont get upset, there is a small problem and she is handling it. !?!?! I call her counselor who tells me its quite a big problem because apparently Blysse's capstone and her friend and lab partner's are identical and they were not to work together on this. And when confronted, Blysse was not apologetic. Urrgh. Welcome the 5 of swords reversed. I dont think the situation is going to have a great outcome for the group of kids here.. though i could be wrong.

This could also be plugging into me and not having a lot of time for socializing and being busy, as I do have a lot on my plate now to do between work, moving, and doing readings - im pretty swamped actually. I literally do not have time to move, as in setting a date for this, which is kind of crazy. I did forget though that eric will be off school soon, so maybe he can help with this detail when he is finished school.

On the other hand, Blysse did get invited to board at school, which came right before the note from her that she was in trouble. Ironic. While Im so proud of her and really thrilled, it is with a most heavy heart that I hear this, as I do not want her moving out. So that will be the next issue to get over after we work on this school issue and move.

Which I guess will lead me to my outcome of the Hanging Man. I can see how I am getting ready to go into a new phase but hanging myself up and holding up progress. I can see my introspection in this and maybe how i might need to change my perspective on things, that I am not seeing them clearly. I do not think it is something I want to see. At least not today, as Michale Neill would say, but this can always change tomorrow maybe. LOL

7 of Wands

Lots to write about over the last 2 weeks, and its been busy enough that this is the first chance I have gotten not only to write it out but to process it as well.

Readers Studio website has been created over the last week. I think everyone has been having a lot of fun with it. Its kind of a facebook forum, which is really kewl. I love facebook but thats just something with all the games and gadgets I never have enough time to follow and keep up with..lol. The Studio website is a little more down to earth and less quirky i think. =) I now have to figure out how to get my background in there from a picture like Doug - his background is sooo kewl and he made it from a picture he has. Im sure it will take me forever to figure that one out, and Im sure its as easy as this background here was which took me forever..LOL.. but when i do, you all know you will be hearing me dance around the room!

I am just now this week getting to start to play with all my toys from the Studio. I got 2 decks from the studio, the Maat deck and the Tarot of Dreams. So the first thing I did was put the book that came with the Maat deck in the bathroom. Sounds kinda male and gross, prolly too much info..LOL.. but it is a way to get in an extra few minutes of reading time in a day uninterrupted. Ok - this is a fantastic book! What drew me to begin with was the beauty of it. Its like this old fashioned book inside. The paper looks like it could be parchment (its not, but it has that feel to it) and the print is old fashioned and the ink looks like it was almost written with a quill. Its really beautiful. Im only through the intro, but reading about Julie's process and how she got started and created her decks was really fascinating, and Im looking forward to the rest of the book! And then.. the deck!

So last night I finally got a chance to check out the CD that came with my Tarot of Dreams. Ciro has done an amazing job on that CD!! Hes done an amazing job with the whole package, actually. The CD has this program where you can do a reading like those online where you hit this shuffle button and then tell it how to spread the cards out.. you hit the card to turn it over. Very kewl.

It also has extras where I got to read and see how he creates his decks and art work on the computer - he must have a really steady hand and a lot of patience - my goodness! It also has letterhead and all kinds of other stuff. Its really neat.

I did my first reading with the deck today. Now I found there were good and bad things about this deck. The good things: Its gorgeous. The pics are so vibrant and beautiful.. i love the deck, its like spiritual eye candy for me. I love the card descriptions that came on the CD as well, very good and lots of different points, i.e. position on the tree, astrology, etc. Love those.

Bad points - the cards are big and they are stiff. So its hard for me to shuffle and really concentrate to put my energy there. That frustrated me this morning. It took me 2 shuffles to feel like I had gotten somewhere. By 2 shuffles I mean I shuffled the first time, frustrated, and when i pulled cards, they were nonsense. Which of course frustrated me even more. I was near tears over the thought that this would be a pretty deck but one i was not able to read with. And in my fit of frustration, there was my ever patient husband coaching me to be patient and work with them more and calm down..LOL. It was tough because I didnt really want to bend and work the cards because they are so pretty and I dont want the cards warped and stuff. Not sure what I would do without the patience of my husband, probably not have any dishes or glasses in 1 piece for sure!

But I did do it again, shuffling a little differently.. and finally got a picking of cards that felt right:
1. What I have: 8 of wands
2. What I need to know: 7 of wands
3. Outcome: Emperor reversed

According to the tarot, I seem to be in a fighting place this week and last. Last week I was kind of lost with my reading, hence the lack of posting. I really needed to wait to see how this played out. This week it is starting to materialize more for me. Last week's reading:
1. The Lovers reversed
2. Ace of Pentacles
3. 7 of wands

I think the Lovers reversed was referring to me being in my own space as opposed to sharing it with my partner. Ive been definitely off-kilter these last 2 weeks health-wise and spirit wise, which normally comes up for me as a reversed queen of wands, but that week and last it was important that I blend more physicially with Eric and I just was not feeling well at all.

The ace was a welcome element, and we definitely did better financially these past 2 weeks, much better than I thought we would. I got to actually save some money, and our George Bush refund was sent last week, which was nice.

Interesting that last week's outcome is leading into what I need to know for this week. Im thinking, though I could be wrong, that this as well as the 8 of wands are referring to the school issue for Blysse. She wants to board at school next year, and Im dealing with the principal in this regard and his hesitation to allow this. Its very frustrating to her and me. Last year they would not allow Blysse to board at school, as she had a rather ... tumultuous.. entrance interview where Blysse chose to label herself as bipolar, not realizing what that meant. Obviously that very much freaked the good conservatives at the American Hebrew Academy out, and they were not only not believing me when I told them this was not the case, but they were not amenable to having her live there. Some months later after pointing out to Blysse what a bipolar person looks liek when behaving manic, she was pretty horrified that she told someone that was her. On the one hand, while I think about this it is pretty funny, very Blysse and very middle school thinking, but on the other, the consequences to her have been grave. They almost did not admit her to a school which has been life-changing for her, and they are still not very open to the idea of her living there.

So we are end of year now and she wants to board there next year. Those who know me know that I am not necessarily thrilled about this, for a number of reasons. Frankly, after what I have seen this year, I dont think any child should be in a boarding school. I never realized how much our kids need even 10 minutes a day at home with us, even the most independent of kids. When they dont get this, i think they just combust after a few weeks. However, Blysse really wants the opportunity to bond and get really close to the kids there before they leave for Israel Junior year. So I told her to talk to the principal and discuss this with him and share her growth with him.

He, on the other hand, got kind of ticked off after her counselor tried to make the appointment and laid into me about how my daughter's admission to the school and the conditions were between he and I. Whatever. Frankly, I have very little patience for the narrow mindedness of him and his admissions person, who I think it is a total idiot and should not be in charge of deciding which children are sane enough to be in their school, she does not seem to have the insight one needs, as considering they think Blysse is "bipolar" Blysse is probably the most down to earth of the kids Ive met so far, and one of the more sane ones, so that should give you an idea that yes - teenagers are crazy.

One of these days I will get over my total frustration and "bitterness" at the whole process between these 2 people..LOL. I think its the mom lion in me that just starts roaring every time I think of the whole situation. My wand just starts firing up!

Anyway, after the principal sent the command to me through Blysse's counselor to call him, and after I explained my thinking process in having Blysse sit down with him, he understood a little better (I think). So he asked me to have her evaluated by her doctor to submit a report to him, and then we are to sit down and talk, which I had done on Friday.

So Im waiting for the letter to come, after while I will call this guy and set up this appointment. Last year this time when we did this, the letter was fine but of course our typical school administrator did not agree, and the rest is history so far. So I can see where my current situation of the 8 wands in row ready are.. and I can see my fight ahead and that Im on higher ground (and right!) but possibly still with a few fights or cases to make. The 7 tells me I can do this, but I can see from the picture that this will not be a nice warm and fuzzy lets have tea meeting.

My worry is the outcome of the upside-down emperor. Not sure if that means hes going to be a jerk anyway in spite of a good case or if its just a description of what I think of this guy anyway.. which would fit.. or both? I feel like from this reading its indicating to me that even though I may have the ability to do this and its a tough fight and even in spite of the 7th position and the heat of possibility, that because I am dealing with an emperor type, the reversal indicates it might not make a difference.

Or maybe it means that itwill be fine but he will still be an upside-down emperor to me regardless. LOL Or maybe that it will just be longer until I meet with the emperor and the reversal just indicates a delay..

Or maybe I will be an upside-down emperor instead and the whole thing will make me feel that way, which it sometimes does. I dont always feel very well liked there for some reason, though to turn it around, I dont always like them too much anyway. I need to get over my offense which apparently seems to be tough to do. Its hard, though, when a group of people tell you your child is too mentally ill to do something when you know nothing could be further from the truth, and then you see all these other kids who are just as.. who are the same or even more challenged.

Now Im feeling that they are not applying the same standards to Blysse as they do the rest of the kids, and that is not fair to her. I do realize that a lot of this is her own doing though, and I guess she will have to live with that. I understand that, i know that in the scheme of things this is her path, but as her mother, as a person who tends to be a Queen of Wands, Im not too good with watching her pain over it.

Im doing my first professional reading next week. Very excited about that, though im kinda nervous. They did this raffle to raise money to help this stray cat they found at Eclectic by Nature, he was pretty sick and the bills are high. So I offered a 30-minute reading for their raffle. So someone won and they will be coming to my house next week for their reading! I read for people all the time, but this is the second step toward my goal set to really master my art. Im going to be doing 2 workshops this summer for Eclectic by Nature, and then hopefully will be teaching beginning tarot. Those were one of my goals, teaching. Now getting more out into the community here and reading and being a reader as opposed to the person my friends and family call when they are in a panic was another goal of mine. I started doing that a little bit, some of my colleagues were asking for readings. I didnt like that too much, too tricky political wise, just didnt like getting to know my boss' husband that well...LOL. So this is kewl and Im excited and scared to death, but Im ready and I know I can do it, i do it all the time. =)

At worse, it will give me more to blog about. LOL

Readers Studio 2008

So I have been home since Sunday from the Studio and am just now getting to write. Its actually taking me some time to process, so this is not necessarily a bad thing. Not sure I have processed everything anyway, probably between blogging here and then going over some of the spreads at meetup or teaching will help.

Im not sure how to describe the studio this year, very different from last year, though why that is I am not sure. It was just an entirely different energy and a different experience. This year the studio was bigger, bigger hotel, more people, but I liked both of those things. Last year's studio seemed more intimate though. The hotel was bigger, the rooms were nicer I think. We had more room to do our thing.

So we arrived in Newark Tuesday afternoon and hooked up with Ruth Ann and Wald for dinner. That was really fantastic, and we had a great time. It was the calm before the storm, so to speak. It was a great opportunity for Eric to meet them, as he has only really heard about them and class. I had a great conversation with Wald about the differences between truth and reality, which I really needed to hear and think about it.

Eric and I spent Wednesday in the city, which was a fantastic day. We hit 2 plays, November with Nathan Lane, pass. We also saw Spring Awakening, which won a ton of Tony Awards in 2007, and it was fantastic! We also ate corned beef and humantashen at Roxy Deli and walked 5th Avenue. We ran into Doug Reuschel (hopefully his last name is spelled right) from the Houston Tarot Meetup and his friend Sal, they were both seeing Spring Awakening also and we took the train back to the hotel together that night. Very fun.

Thursday we breakfasted with Paul and Mary Greer joined us. Toward the end of breakfast Ciro Marchetti also joined us and chatted a while. What an interesting guy and his wife is absolutely lovely! We moved into the lobby for more visiting with people starting to arrive and we got to visit more with Mary who shared these amazing pics of these mosaic tarot murals which she found in this chalet in South of France. They were really kewl. Mary is such a giving person, she really is. She even shared some ideas she had and some she had heard for getting the meetup group more lively and active. How kewl is that!

Thursday night we headed into the preconference on Advanced Birth Cards given by Wald. We learned this amazing spread where you take 10 cards, your 2 birth cards and the 8 in between, and superimpose them on the Tree of Life. AMAZING spread! AND.. i discovered that in the order of things, Blysse's birth cards come right before mine and Eric's come right after mine. Superimposed on this spread, Blysse's weaknesses then become my strengths and my weaknesses become Eric's strengths. I thought that was sooo powerful.

The studio officially opened on Friday. Kevin Quigley did the first workshop of the studio. Im not sure about his workshop. First, let me say that he is a great teacher and had a lot to share and all of it was substantial, it wasnt fluffy or flaky, it was a lot of intense info. Unfortunately, i think it would have been better done with a smaller group because it was hard to get enough of the details for the first part of the spread he showed us and I got really frustrated. He was discussing the 4 Kabbalistic worlds and which numbers and suits correspond. So we then had to draw a court card representing ourselves and then an additional card - not sure even what that was for.. but you use it to explore the issues based on the Tree. So I draw the King of Pentacles. But the kings are at the top of the tree, pentacles at the bottom.. and i was not sure which attributes i was to deal with. Because of the larger size, it was hard to ask and get it fully explained..

He then showed us another spread, though, that used the various elements to pull a 10 card spread to explore what kind of readers we are, and i thought that was fantastic, i really loved that. I will be using that spread in our upcoming meetup.

Friday night we attended a cocktail party, which was really great too. We got to schmooze with Johanna Gargiulo-Sherman and Ciro and Mary and David and Paul and many others. It was a lot of fun and some great conversation.

I had a reading with James Wells. The final message - I need to let go of the outcome. Ya, right. LOL

Saturday was a full day of workshopping. Thalassa started us off. She also is fantastic, though with a very different personality and energy than others. I thought she was wildly entertaining and her energy was infectious. Im still walking around telling people.. sssshhhh make like the ocean and shuuuuuush. LOL. Thalassa runs BATS, Bay Area Tarot Symposium. She lives in the San Francisco area. She really plugged us into more of our body language. I liked it, and i liked other ideas she had .. like she passed around this big bag filled with tarot cards from all different decks and we each picked one. Loved that. She also did an amazing 5-card spread, a box spread, that was hugely powerful!

James wrapped up the studio with his workshop on the answer is the question or the question is the answer, or something of that sort. He did an outstanding workshop and was a lot like the workshops we had last year, very hands on, reading a lot of tarot, and i loved the spreads we did.

So that night we went to a great italian restaurant which was .. surreal. It was like a throw back to Old Philly with the older gentleman singing Frank Sinatra so loud it was hard to converse but entertaining nonetheless, and older people dancing. The food was outstanding! Eric and I dined with 2 other ladies we met at the studio and one is a practicing Shaman, and I was riveted, as I have been working with a shaman this year for the first time and I love it. Of course, I had a major gallbladder attack starting at 8 pm due to the stuffed mushrooms, which were stuffed with sausage! So I was sick most of Saturday night.

Eric went to the Sacred Rose workshop that night with Johanna and really had a great time, bonded with a lot of people and really felt great. I loved that.

Sunday morning we slept in and started our trek home. =)

Good Readers Studio things: Loved seeing old friends and also visiting with those not as familiar, i.e. Johanna and Mary. Loved meeting artists like Ciro Marchetti and hearing about his process and how he goes about making his art. I LOVE his Tarot of Dreams and picked that deck up. I loved catching up with Ruth Ann and Wald, my teachers.

I loved the italian restaurant we discovered, even if it did make me sick.. was good while it lasted..LOL. I loved that we got to enjoy some broadway and NY culture.

I love the decks I got - Tarot of Dreams and the Maat Tarot. Ive had my eye on the Maat deck since last year. I love my Readers Studio poster, and I love the wand I got from Garnet. Garnet had some amazing wands she had made. Mine is made of rose quartz and is gorgeous.

Eric had a FANTASTIC experience I think and really found his own footing there, and I think that was amazing. While we sat together, we read separately and he absolutely held his own. I was sooo proud of him - though i knew he could do it! =)

Wow - after writing all that Im not sure that there is a list of things I did not like. Certainly there were issues, like the exhaustion we were constantly fighting. I think the location of the hotel was problematic in that leaving was tough, either it was expensive to go to the city or there was nowhere locally to go, unlike last year where there was a diner for some variety. I think that really affected us a lot.

There was the clique-y thing going on at times which was tough and made me feel funny, though certainly there were plenty of very lovely people to hang out with and get to know and I did.

I have yet to pick up my cards since I have been home though. I experienced that last year too where for a week or two I just did not want to look at tarot. Maybe we got too close this weekend, maybe too familiar.. maybe not close or familiar enough?