Quit Job..

Ive been working two or more jobs for the past 6 years or more. It just seems to be the nature of the work I do. It is very hard to trust a lot of the companies these days, so one usually has, in my field, more than one company to work with so that in the event one company loses contracts or downsizes or slows down, you have a backup. Unfortunately, MTSOs in my business do not give you notice if they lose a contract or if they make other choices that would result in less income, it just kind of happens and then you are stuck, if you dont have a backup, trying to figure out how you are going to make ends meet.

The other reason I started working two jobs is because we needed the income. When we moved to Greensboro, I was to only work one job; however, between the costs of moving and my daughter's school, our bills were just not getting paid, so I ended up taking on additional contracts to cover the expenses.

I have been working with one company for about six years, and while the first three or four were great, the last two have been horrible, demeaning, demoralizing, I could go on and on. I originally started out typing, then editing and then was promoted to account management, which I do love doing. But with this company, it became an issue more and more where I would have to really treat people as disposable and become as inconsiderate and demoralizing and demeaning to others - requiring them to do things like work in the middle of the night or during times that normal people would not work.. or things like that. If work dried up because we were over-staffed I would be placed in positions of having no choices to how to help people. And my own time was just taken advantage of. I did not vacation without working or if I wanted to vacation, I was responsible for finding coverage as opposed to them, which was never available. It was stressful to vacation and stressful to work nonstop. So after being tired of that type of stress and not wanting to represent that type of treatment to others, I stepped down to just edit.

When I did so, I was offered the hourly rate I had before my promotion and my normal PTO, and insurance. Six months later, I was told I was being moved to production, and literally, after working for this company for 3-4 years, I was given a pay cut. Then they did the great trick of all these companies that promote themselves as offering health insurance.. they have insurance that unless you live in the state they are in, you cannot afford to take advantage of the benefits. Mind you - my type of work is all telecomuting with employees hired all over the country. So if you are a company that has that, its pretty ridiculous to get insurance that only affordably covers those in your state, when no one who works for you outside the office lives in that state! This forced me to get coverage through my husband, and when I asked to be compensated a little extra since I had to do that, I did not even get the benefit of a response. So in essence, they were pocketing the $200+ dollars a month that normally they would have to pay for my insurance.. AND lowering my salary.

I stayed anyway, because it was a great editing job in that I had worked for years editing it, and I could read through the files pretty quickly, etc. Then about a year ago, maybe 9 months ago, they decided that the offshores whose work we were reading were doing well, they allowed them to send their reports straight to the clients - basically leaving me and the other editors with no work except blanks they have.. which was about 10% of the work we originally had.

Had I not had another job, I would have been in serious trouble. They never gave us notice of this choice, and my supervisor flat-out lied when she said she had no idea this was being done. Of course she knew - how could she not?

This came to bite them all in the rear, as the offshored work was so bad, the clients almost left - so then we were busy again - only now we had to fully listen to these files, which, again, cuts production time in half. So I had my salary cut by 25%, then another 50%. Because I had another job, I stuck with it, it was good extra money.. But the offshores then only did 1 level of quality assurance, whereas they used to do 2-3. Slowing us down even more, salary cut again in half... which led me to the last 2 months..

With my daughter having graduated her private school and heading out to college, I have been really playing with the idea of cutting my losses with this particular company. But leaving and making that final decision has been hard, because it leaves me working with just one company and trusting that it will be enough and work out. And its always been a security blanket for me regardless..

Ive realized that my gallbladder slowly filled with stones and disease over crap ive walked around with since I was a teenager - eventually making me sick enough that it had to be removed. At that point, i worked on letting go of the past and viewing the removal as almost childhood garbage being taken out.

Over the past few months, its come to my attention that I now have something growing on my ovary - and Im being monitored to see if it grows and also my blood levels to see if they rise.. and it occurs to me that Im still carrying around crap. And I really think a lot of it surrounds my feelings about myself allowing myself to be part of situations that are hurtful, demoralizing and demeaning.. and this job is one of those things. My old "friends" I think were also part of that. So I hve been working on this sitaution of how do I release this stuff so I am not walking around with this kind of negative, destructive energy that is diseasing my body?

So I am taking the leap - and of course I do a reading on this:
What I have: Page of Swords
What I need to know: Ace of Swords
Outcome: Judgment

This sword has definitely been double edged and I have a few cuts already from my choice to leave. Because I did not work as much as I am "scheduled" to, which is not any more or less than I have for the last two months, on my last day of notice, they fired me, and are now keeping my accured PTO of 20 hours. I didnt even know I had that much - and its bugging me, not because I counted on that money, but because it just feels like another kick of stealing and robbing and thieving from me that they have been doing for the last 2 years.

So I need to release this - and that is my task so it can wrap up. I know from judgment it will work out the way it is supposed to.. and I know releasing this will open me up to new opportunities and things waiting for me that I would not be able to see or take advantage of without making room.

But I my feelings about this.. urrrgh.. thats a harder task. I guess that will be this weekend's question.. how do i release my intense feelings about these people and keep it from continuing to eat at me?