WOW!!

Wow - its been almost a year since I last blogged! I really cannot believe its been so long, and yet when I look back on the past year, I can believe it! This past year has probably been one of the toughest ones of my life, or at least one of the toughest ones I can remember, which is enough, believe me! Part of the reason I have not blogged is because I literally could not remember my sign on info..LOL. Excuses, I know!

Interestingly, I picked the Ace of Swords for this entry because it has a lot to do with my new "project" of writing; however, as I blog this, I also realize it describes a lot of what my last year has been like and I find the correspondence interesting since I think I did not choose it that way, but obviously I did!

So this time last year, my daughter was away at camp for the summer, getting ready to come home soon and begin college. I was a month away from beginning to make plans for the cruise for my father's birthday, which would be the beginning of the end of my immediate family as I know it. I was getting ready to study and eventually pass an exam for my CMT certification to keep my job - which I ended up losing anyway. And that is to say nothing of the adventure we have had with my daughter in college. The Ace holds the entire suit from 2-10 and its possibilities, and I can say that I started out this time last year at a crossroads, so to speak, embodying the woman sitting quietly contemplating choices, on that lake.. eyes closed, hands heavy with those swords.. and went through the entire suit in the last year, one by one..

How do you blog an entire's year's suit in 1 entry? Why do so? Maybe I will break this up into a number of blogs.. ? What motivates me to do so is that once again I find myself sitting on that bench trying to make decisions, contemplating, wondering, with a sword in each hand.

I went to the Readers Studio this year. I love going there.. and I never come home empty-headed, even when I think I do, I dont, and this year was no different. I got a reading from a new person to me, Sheilaa Hite, and I loved the reading, btw. Her question to me: Why arent you writing? My answer: I dont have anything to say. Her reply: Why arent you writing?

So since I have been home, I have been contemplating the question - why arent I writing? Im still not sure I know. Originally I thought it was because I do not have anything to say. So Im thinking.. what does one write when they do not have anything to say? Is that what writer's block is? I called my brother, who is a writer, who teaches teachers how to teach writing.. and I say, How do I write when I do not have anything to say? He got kind of angry with me.. actually I think it was more frustration. He said, You have plenty to say! I said.. okay, then how come I cannot write? Thats when he kind of got that frustrated, indignant tone.. and said it was because people think it is easy to write, when really writing is hard.

Ok... writing is hard, not because it is hard to write, or to know what to write, but because it makes us vulnerable, I think. What if I write something that others think is arrogant, stupid, too personal - I think that is what I struggle with the most, the too personal and meandering thing.. My thoughts are personal, and private, unless I blog them..lol. And how personally or intimately do I want others to be with me - or maybe if they knew too much, they would know too much.

Tarot is personal, very personal and very intimate when read properly. I mean, ya, Tarot can be fluffy too, just like those horoscopes you read in the newspaper or online. Seriously those things are fluffy, and Im always astounded by how many people like that. I have friends who even subscribed to tarot sites where they get a card a day delivered to their pages, and when I read them, Im like.. who wrote this garbage?! I even asked one of my friends to unsubscribe to one of those things because it was so negative and gloom and doom, and had nothing to do with that card's meaning! Drove me crazy every morning to see that..LOL

So.. im back and I will be blogging.. id like to say daily, but maybe not. Weekly for sure! I need to start somewhere.. and while I cannot catch up on the whole year, Im thinking it will slowly unfold anyway, because this past year is still not done, which is part of my problem. =)

I will be doing a once a week reading.. and will be trying to choose a card a day as I am inspired, maybe a tarot card, maybe an angelic card or oracle card.. or maybe a Louise Hay card (I love her, btw).

And Im thinking some amazing thoughts will be manifesting, because that is what the Ace of Swords is all about and where I am today - So enjoy!