I cultivate Patience

This image is from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. I came across it at the Readers Studio this past year. Actually, its been out and used for a number of years, but it was this past Readers Studio where I thought I might really be able to use it myself.

Those of you who know me know I only read with 1 deck, the Rider Waite. Its the deck that was given to me many years ago, my first deck, and the deck Ive always used and the one I have used when taking classes, etc. I have many, many other decks, but I have always only read with my Rider Waite. Any time I have tried reading with other decks, I always end up describing how that image looks in the Rider Waite, so I gave up trying to use other decks to read, because it seemed kind of stupid to do a reading that always consisted of, "In the Rider Waite deck this looks like..."

However, at the Readers Studio this past year, about 2/3 of readers there were using the Gaian deck and I surprised myself by actually not only being able to understand what the pictures were saying without converting it into Rider Waite images for myself, but also really enjoying it in some ways moreso.. I found more meaning in some cards, different more applicable meanings in others. I was not able to buy myself the deck at the Studio, she was sold out, and I finally got my hands on a copy back here in Greensboro from Eclectic by Nature. So I am now working on learning and mastering this deck. Its totally different than anything I am used to, so I am having a bit of a learning curve, but i LOVE this deck and the book that comes with it has given me sooo many new ideas and things to think about, which I am totally loving. I love the journaling questions and the affirmations for each card!

So I am at a place now where I have extra time, which freaks me out, but also is allowing me to get back into my tarot meditation groove, which I think I really need at this point. So I am starting my week, and hopefully my days but we will see, with a reading for the week, simply asking, "What do I need to know about this week..?"

What I currently have: The deck insisted on 2 cards.. literally. Like, I do my shuffle and 2 cards pop out, and I say, I dont know which one, you will have to be more specific please.. (This usually does the trick). I continue my shuffle, and I continue to get 2 cards, so I pull them out and use them for this position. Very interesting though: Guardian of Air reversed (equivalent to the Queen of Swords) and 8 of Earth. And this absolutely covers exactly where I am, and on thinking about my space, I can see why it takes 2 cards to cover it. I am definitely having some communications and judgment issues and how I think about this and how I deal with it and do not deal with it. This past weekend it came to my attention that pretty harsh and judgmental thoughts are being shared about my parenting/relationship issues with my daughter, and some pretty negative and many untrue things are being shared about that with, of course, everyone except directly with me. Very typical of my family, but rather frustrating and hurtful anyway.

I loved the 8 of Earth, though, and Joanna's interpretations of this, which addressed other things I am working on and gave me much to consider. Its the card I chose to put on my desk to contemplate because, frankly, I am sick of contemplating the Guardian of Air Reversed and perseverating on all those issues surrounding it. I feel like all I have done all weekend is perseverate on all that junk, and maybe what I need to be doing, instead, is working with issues and things I can control and work with, as opposed to what other people think and the unfair, unkind and unhealthy ways they choose express or not express them, and in turn, the unkind, unfair and unhealthy ways I choose to internalize them.

The 8 of Earh is a picture of a father and daughter drumming together, where he is teaching her and guiding her, and they find their rhythm and connection to each other and earth.. and this is also what have decided to work on; finding my rhythm in coming back to practicing and working my craft and to myself. I have felt so off balance over these last months, and gotten so far away from me and my rhythm, that I am working now on getting back to my "drumming," and finding my rhythm and routine within me. Finding my way back to the paths that lead me to learning and growing and eventually sharing.. but literally doing the work through routine and ritual, things I have not done in forever. They require patience, which has never been my strong suit for sure.. and so its been harder to find time to meditate or read or write because I feel such an impatience, not impatience for getting somewhere, but almost an inability to slow down and just be.. and I know it is a block and I know that I need to start chipping away at it and have been thinking on how to do this.

First, I had to make up my mind to do it.. and that took a bit. I was at first busy with excuses like, I dont have anything to say or write. Then it was.. I dont know how to write what I want to say.. but Ive realized that is just a block, because in order to learn that, you have to do it, and I know this. Then it was that I didnt have the patience to sit and do readings and was not really getting any insight, but its hard to get that when you dont sit down and you dont get quiet.. and acknowledging that and why.. well, thats what ive been up to for the past two weeks.

And the Universe has been more than happy to assist me with this, though not in a way Im appreciating too much. One of my contracts bores me to tears to the point that Id rather blog here or even meditate rather than read those reports..lol. Another contract I have is on hiatus, with no answer as to when its coming back, which is taking a huge hit to my bank account. Which prevents me from doing my other activities I love in stead of sitting still and being quiet, shopping. Cant do that without working, and cannot do the quiet thing when I have too much work. It is amazing how this happens, isnt it? I get the message: I either do it on my own, or I will get unwanted, but needed, assistance.

I can see so many teachers sitting next to me drumming.. waiting for me to have a seat... just like this picture.

And this is just on the first 2 cards of the first position: What I have. I havent even gotten to the other 2 cards.. which will have to wait until tomorrow, as I really do need to get to these reviews before I have to spend my extra time job hunting instead of contemplating my life as it is now..LOL.