End of Summer

It has been quite some time since I have blogged, almost all summer - and yes, it has been that busy! Lots of great tarot stuff though!

Did some reading at Eclectic by Nature, 2 psychic fairs and also some private readings in the store. The psychic fairs were great, we had a lot of fun. Thanks to those of you who were kind enough to share your lives and secrets with me, hopefully I was able to help with some enlightenment or comfort.

I also met some new people this summer who are really amazing. I got in touch with a group of people studying intuition and angels in Winston Salem. Now, those of you who know me are saying.. angels Maris? really? Um - that would be a very loud and resounding YES!! I highly encourage anyone reading this to speak to your angels frequently, as they seem to be rather receptive and are just waiting for us to ask for their help. We had an amazing experience with this over the summer, and I will send my heartfelt thanks publicly to all the angels I spoke to who helped us in our time of confusion and need this summer. They most definitely showed up.

But this group of people are teaching me a lot, and I have found my inspiration again. I was really getting discouraged that I may have truly lost it after leaving Las Vegas, and it was getting to the point of depressing. However, I have really met a lot of like-minded people in this group who share my passion and interests, who are wonderfully gifted and through this I am learning a lot from them.

We are planning to collaborate a bit, which is really exciting to me. They, as well, are interested in learning about tarot, and I am interested in learning more about tapping into my intuition. Both go together really, really well. So in addition to studying intuition and angels with them, we are also going to be studying beginning tarot as well together. I am really excited about this, I think this will be awesome!

In all the chaos around here, I really have not gotten to do much reading this summer. Last week was the first time I have read for myself all summer:

What I have: King of Swords reversed

What I need to know: 3 of pentacles

What I get: 4 of cups

Im not sure what the king of swords is about - maybe my thoughts being all jumbled up and scattered and fragmented? It also talks about rigidity and discipline, having high standards as a parent, being critical and demanding as a spouse but intelligent and honest. Ok, i can see that. I have definitely been on Eric's case over the last 2 or 3 weeks big time in regard to the job and career thing. I also have some pretty high standards for my daughter. She did end up being able to board at school this year, and I have reiterated my expectations in that regard to her, as I cannot afford private school if she is not going to be serious.

The 3 of pentacles talks about collaboration and materialization of sacred. Creating things of value. Mary Greer also mentions serving or receiving a summons. So over the week i have been collaborating with Brad, my friend from WS, to work on tarot as well as intuition. I also received a summons, as Blysse's father has finally, finally been served court papers regarding his contempt of court for not supporting Blysse.

The 4 of cups discusses needing some grounding or quiet time. Maybe ignoring gifts which are being offered right in front of you. Hmmmm

This week's cards:

1. 4 of pentacles reversed

2. Hermit

3. 5 of pentacles reversed

So I think the 4 of pentacles reversed refers to my work situation. Ive not had a great week at work between last week and this one. Ive made some very stupid errors and there may be some serious issues coming up in this regard. My reactions in this regard tend to be extreme - sometimes very defensive like today, usually I am fearful and stressed as I cannot afford to lose my job. It definitely blocks me and hangs me up..

The hermit talks about a guide or mentor - furthering my education, which I am doing.. UNCG started last week and I have been crazy with homework and trying to find classes and need to write a paper on my goals, and i need to apply to my major college. I am also seeking spiritual education as well as offering it.

I hope the reversal of the 5 of pentacles is referring to the stress of my job and working easing up and not instead intensifying the 5. I could use the stress to ease up and break.. we shall see.

Ace of Pentacles as an Enemy

Last week during Aaron's trial, i did a spread for him that James Wells taught us at the Readers Studio. The shape is this arrow sign pointing up:

5

3 4

1 2

1. Resources: Page of Swords

2. Obstacles: 6 of Swords

3. Advantages: 5 of Swords

4. Disadvantages: Ace of Pentacles

5. What higher self wants you to know: King of Pentacles

So the ready mind engaging in trouble shooting, alert, quick witted, spying and surveillance. Being vigilant and watchful - Got it.

Inability to leave a situation, stuck mentally and physically with delays in plans, etc. as an obstacle.. yup.

Advantage - while not particularly flattering to Aaron, gaining from the misfortune of the PWFH being foolish, ok.. Salvaging as the air clears, good.

Then I came to the disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. How in the world can this card be a negative or a disadvantage? This has plagued me all week.

So on the tarot psych board the exercise last week was to choose 3 cards, 1 as a friend, 1 as an enemy, and 1 as a stranger. Last week, one of the posters had her friend as the Ace of Wands and her enemy the High Priestess.

This week's tweak on this was to then make your enemy your friend and your friend your enemy, and she posted how the Ace of Wands might be her enemy. Ok.. too much fire, passion, assertion, I got it.

Then the lightbulb went off for me.. Too much generosity, too much money, too much work, too much effort could very well be a disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. And hence the enlightenment, as just last night speaking to my brother, the PWFH was asking for some money from him, asking him to be generous, and he said he would consider it if she would be more agreeable to some other terms. This is money he doesnt have necessarily.. but would have to come up with it should he choose to be agreeable.

I called him up.. I shared that it is not advantageous for him to be this generous with his money, this agreeable with this type of person, as it will never end, the need too abundant, the requests and demands overwhelming and overflowing.

This would feed into what his higher self is saying to him regarding the King of Pentacles.. Eric is right in this interpretation, he needs to be the king in this regard, needs to make the rules and set the boundaries.

Fascinating...

Contemplating Strength

Doing lots of blogging this week, doing lots of readings too. I couldnt really hone in on the what i needed to know card this week until today, though. I was thinking maybe the silent strength was needed of me to support my family, but I dont think so. And certainly that would not facilitate an outcome of the hermit.

Then this morning im reading my email and there is yet another email alerting me to a change in the schedule to one of my meetup groups, specifically this group I just joined called Positive World Spiritual Meetup group. I was asked to join by one of the members who is also in a few of our other groups as well, she had written to me on my profile page, and while this is not necessarily my thing, per se, i did join in support of her.

So she keeps sending out these notes that the details of the meetup have been updated, yet they are the same, no changes have been made from day to day, so i go over to the main page to see if maybe Im missing something. And there is the blurb to this other person, found on the main page in the shout section, that 1 person should not keep him from joining the group, he should be doing what works for him and not allowing other people to ruin it for him.

Ok.. so in regard to this person she wrote this to, this guy has been upset with me for some strange reason, Im not sure why. He had been signed up for our last tarot meetup. I ended up cancelling the meetup because 2 or 3 hours before the meetup was to meet, only 1 person whas signed up to attend, and it would be quite awkward to hold a tarot reading meetup with just 1 person, it just is not the greatest energy, as he is a brand new reader, etc. So I cancelled the meetup for that night.

He got very upset and wrote me this note about how he felt.. explained how much he looks forward to these meetups, and shared some personal issues, which I will not post here, explaining Life as it is for him and the basis of his upset. Understanding and feeling horribly, I then extended some invitations to join us at various other activities and followed it up with a call the next day leaving a message and emailing him. He wrote me back basically asking me to leave him alone, that he was uncomfortable, and asking me not to contact him.

While Ive been kind of bewildered by this, I do respect his feelings and wishes. It has not escaped me that all the groups which we share in common he does not attend those activities where he sees I am coming. This hurts my feelings, as i feel terribly because I really like this person, but again, I respect his feelings.

So when I see this comment on the main board, I really am internalizing this, thinking he is referring to me. This really devastates me. First, I do not understand his reaction. I honestly tried to be sensitive and empathetic to his situation he shared, and while I can understand feeling uncomfortable about sharing too much sometimes with a person, I dont understand necessarily sharing that with other people this way.

And why the organizer of this group would post her response or counsel to this person publically on the home page of a supposed positive spirituality group is ... very telling of her. She advertises herself as a lightworker and reiki master, running a group on positivity, posting negative personality issues on the first page of her board.

I did email her asking her to give me a call, as I wanted to confirm that this reference was about me. Hate to be upset or offended if its not, but i highly doubt this is the case.. too many coincidences. Of course, she hasnt called me.

But my first instinct beyond that is to leave this group, as I really dont have much interest in it anyway, and that is before the lightworker, Reiki master posted this. I certainly do not feel supportive of a person who is so thoughtless, let alone negative this way either.

So then the Strength card comes to mind.. as does my outcome card for the week. In contemplating this, i definitely see my insides behaving like the lion here.. all fire and temper. Am I looking for this person to be the person to make the lion in me feel better? Should I be doing this for myself.. embodying the energy of this card, which would be a patient, kind, sensitive caring woman. Im trying.. ive been trying all along in regard to both of these people.

My instinct all along in regard to this gentleman is that when I see him to go over and give him a supportive hug and tell him how happy I am to see him. I feel that way.. i know underneath that his behavior is that of a person who is lonely and in pain and not about me.

But this other lady.. shes been rubbing me the wrong way for a bit. Shes one of those people who is kinda loud, always talking, knows something about everything. She goes to these meetups and ends up being the assistant and center of attention..lol.. which is great, i like the leader in her. But there is always something over the top about her. I had invited her and her husband over one night to play cards, as she was saying they are trying to make friends here.. and they were going to come, but like 3 days before cancelled because she had to work. Yet when we were walking told me she thought I didnt like people who had been married before based on me asking her how many times she had been married. Feeling terribly and telling her so, I explained I asked that question because i was trying to get to know her, not judge her. Of course, had she been doing the same, she would have found out that I, too, was previously married. I felt this had a lot to do with her cancelling. I was fine with her cancelling, it really was not a big deal and i kinda felt like they would..

But I can see the hermit card outcome, as my other instinct is to exit out of these groups I am in with her. I know this is my hurt feelings lashing out. Again, the quiet energy of the Strength card comes to mind and I guess the key to approaching this lies in this energy for me. I do not have the time or desire to have this type of thing in my life. I am waaay too old to have this immature, gossipy negativity, nor do i need to belong to groups where I am not having a great time, and I can quietly with strength and dignity do my thing elsewhere. I dont like being shoved out of things.. where i miss out on fun stuff while everyone else is out making friends - I dont want to be the enlightened hermit in a cave with just my illuminated lantern.

I cannot seem to get out of my own way when it comes to this stuff..LOL

The Lord of Ruin - Validation

So this card has been chasing me around this past week in regard to my brother, and today I am starting to get some validation on this. I cant remember which position this came up in his original cube reading, though it has to be either change he can prepare for or what he is not seeing. Urrgh.

Then when I asked flat out after doing his reading if he will get temporary custody, this card came up again. Not good.

So then I get the call today from my mother who had gone with Aaron (my brother) to see the lawyer in prep for next week. She mentions the card to me on the phone, as I told her I was worried, and also mentions that Aaron had a dream last night that he was being stabbed in the back. Well..

So apparently after they trade affidavits, i.e. Aaron sees those that his wife collected and she sees his, they see that there are 2 affidavits from friends of my mother not only supporting the Psycho Wife from @#$%!! but also trashing my brother stating he asked one of them to lie, and both stating that my parents were unkind and ganging up on his wife and my brother did not support her (maybe because shes PSYCHO!). This came as a HUGE blow to my parents, as they have been really kind to these 2 people, above and beyond the scope of friendship, if you ask me. And while my mother's friend is not responsible for the actions of her child or her child's husband, she did know what they had done and never said anything to my mom, which considering all they have done for each other, was pretty devastating to my mom.

The Lord of Ruin is starting to materialize. BUT - Im not so sure this is necessarily a bad thing. This card is not just about feeling stabbed in the back, in fact remember that swords is a picture of the mind and does not necessarily refer to a literal meaning, though certainly it can. The 10 of swords is also about endings and release, the ending of unwelcome situations, bad habits, depressive and harmful phases. I would definitely classify this entire divorcing/custody experience that way, and I would also definitely describe the relationship/"friendship" with this group of people in this way.

The relationship between my mother and her friend, we will call her C, and my mother and C's family has been needing to be cut off for quite a while. This has been very difficult considering C and my mother have friends in common and belong to many of the same friendship circles. I think this incident will make it much, much easier for my mom to release this group of extra baggage.

It brings to mind the 2nd card of the reading I did for this situation this week, the 8 of swords. I see where some sharper, less defeated ways of thinking need to be used - not just regarding the divorce case, but also regarding the company we choose to keep. I can see where the focus of the victim mentality needs to be adjusted and how that is binding the hands of everyone and blinding them to the truth in front of them.

I can also see brighter days on the other side of the 10 of swords card. I cannot imagine that anyone in their right mind would find either of these 2 people credible references. The situation of their own family is disastrous, with C's daughter having left her husband after spending the last year in bars everynight, telling him she was doing karaoke with her girlfriends when, in fact, she was cheating on him with a now unemployed bartender. In turn, her husband has been arrested for domestic violence, with my parents having bailed him out of jail by mortgaging their home last year (nice way to say thanks, huh). I do not think I am biased when I say that if I was a judge, I would have no time for the opinions of a mother who has spent the last year carousing in bars every night while her children are home with the father she is cheating on, nor would I have any time for the man who was arrested for beating her. Neither obviously uses good judgment - and I would wonder about the person calling them friends enough to recommend their opinions be taken into account regarding the welfare of 2 children.

So that could tie into the final outcome of the 4 of cups.. the gift sitting right in front of all of them which they have not been seeing.. or into the 6 of wands that came as the next step..

Strength?

Wow - its been a month since Ive posted.. guess Ive been busy! And so I have! My reading for this week:

1. What I have: 2 of wands

2. What I need to know: Strength

3. Outcome: The Hermit

Ive been thinking and contemplating on this reading ALL DAY. I get the 2 of Wands, because that really is sooo me right now. Im just on the verge of getting busy with my life, and Im talking really busy, but im sitting in limbo right now, setting things up, taking care of other things in order to get ready to move into the next phase of things. Im contemplating my whole world right now really.

Blysse has been accepted as a boarding student at school. Whether she goes or not remains to be seen. Her father, affectionately known around here as the POS (ill leave that to your imaginations) has yet to help out support-wise. She has called him a number of times and he says he is going back to work and will help, but he hasnt helped in over 3 years, so the likelihood of that is wearing thin, which will be devastating for her. Eric and I have crunched and crunched the numbers, and there just is not way around it, we cannot do it without his help. So this remains the big question upcoming next month.

If he comes through, and Im trying to send positive energy and vibes and visualizaitons in that direction, she leaves home and there I will be looking through the portal between the wands with the world in my hands deciding what to do.

I was accepted to UNCG and am registered for a full semester. So right now is the calm before the storm, the calm before I walk through that portal, again, to really change my life and take it in a new direction. Questioning did I take on too much work or class or studying.. contemplating, knowing I can do it and getting ready to do so.

And also on the brink of what to do with this tarot stuff. I was set to do 3 workshops this summer, one I did. Not a huge response for that or the one from this past weekend, birth cards, which I ended up cancelling, as I ended up with the weekend off from work and decided to head down to Atlanta to see the family. Beginning tarot classes start in the Fall, not sure how that is going to end up. I am scheduled to read this coming weekend on Sunday and also the Sunday before I leave for the beach, and much of what I will choose to continue depends on these dates and whether or not I am busy enough. I certainly do not need a third job, definitely dont need one where I am not earning money for sure! So Im kinda on the brink deciding about this as well. So the world is definitely in my hands and my destiny to be decided..

Strength - Im not sure about this. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Strength is more than just an inner strength. Its befriending the lion, I think, or maybe I am the lion roaring away.. ? I was reading the hard copy of the card meanings that came with my Tarot of Dreams deck. Ciro did the artwork, but the meanings were done by Lee Bursten, who really is fantastic too. He mentions that the Strength card is part of a triumvirate consisting of The Chariot, Strength and The Devil. A triumvirate is a commision of ruling body per Webster. The woman in the card controls the tiger from her intuitive center. She dominates the tiger not by brute strength, but through intelligence, sympathy and love. So maybe this is a hint at how I might have to deal with those things arising in my life..

The outcome of the Hermit is interesting. Normally the hermit is removed from others, kinda sitting back and meditating on what is needed. But the secret to the Hermit is Home. This would be a great stabilizing thing for me considering that mine has been shaken from its foundating, first having to move unexpectedly, now having it kind of possibly being pretty empty come the fall - but I can see through strength how I can make this work for me -

One of the things we finally did was get a second car - which is working much, much better for me now that I can get out of the house and do things on my own instead of being stuck here all day or now in the evenings while Eric is at school. Plus it will help me get to class on my own without having to wait on Eric. This ability to contribute and control more of my life helps center and bring me home.

I do see a key to this reading being a sense of balance - having it, needing it, maintaining it. Maybe sharing it..

I did some readings this past weekend for my family. Urrgh.. i felt sooo not on my game! Not sure if it was me or the cards.. or both, but probably it was me..LOL. My readings for my brother havent been what I would like them to be. I think his doubtful energy affects me. Last time I read for him with my Quest deck and spent the entire reading describing how it would look with the Rider Waite. This time I just took out the Rider Waite, not that it helped. I did a cube of change - it was ok. Then yesterday I did another reading for him here at home:

What does Aaron need to know about getting primary custody of his kids?

1. What he has: 9 of Pentacles reversed. --> got this - feeling entrapped and this being intensified, not all is well in his environment (duh!). Contentment and safety threatened. Victim of deceipt, difficult to relax. All this makes sense considering he has to live with Psycho Wife from @!#$!! until at least after his hearing next week.

2. What he needs to know: 8 of Swords --> It seems to describe more to me the mental thoughts and pattern of his wife, being a prisoner of your own thoughts and prejudice.. to see things differently, the bubble would pop and one would be free of the bondage of the ties, though the ties are loose and one can get out of them at any point. Interesting..

3. Outcome: 4 of Cups. In a negative light, this could mean not being satisfied with things you have, where nothing is good enough. I can see this. In a positive light, it can represent a desire to better your life. Wouldnt that be great for him!

Man - im really liking this accompanying interpretations with this deck!

When I flat out asked if he will get temporary custody, i got the 10 of swords, which I also got in his cube this weekend. I just dont know how to interpret this. Im trying not to fall into that trap of not liking what I see or putting in my own judgment versus what the card is showing. For instance, when i see this, my first instinct is not to think negatively that it means he wont get it, because I know how crazy she is and cannot imagine how any judge would not see this! But as a tarot reader, i sooooo know better than to do this, its been taught to me one too many times for sure! (Last time I ignored what was in front of me and thought I knew better than the tarot, Bonnie ended up having twins!)

I asked what his next step should be - 6 of wands. I kind of think this is positive. Obviously the title to this card is Victory. I also felt like it meant to be a leader. Lee Bursten mentions that even though the man is victorious, this is just for a moment in time. I can see this as a positive thing, though im not sure how this plays out with the previous 10 of swords... does that refer to Aaron, Jeannie, the situation.. ? Validation i guess will be here soon enough!

Chaos

Okay - the card here is the oracle card I pulled for my week this week upon asking for help and support. Very fitting though.

So as usual, I did my reading last week and got the following:

1. What I have: 3 of wands reversed

2. What I need to know: knight of cups reversed

3. What I get: King of cups

I did this reading with my new Tarot of Dreams deck. Okay.. so 3 of wands reversed.. hmmm biting off more than I can chew, difficulty putting plans into action or experiencing creative block, anxiety.. I had no clue what that was about. Nor did I understand the knight of cups either.. So Im frustrated thinking once again i was running into issues with shuffling this deck.. which would block me kind of.. but i hardly thought that would be a reading for the week. I didnt use another deck or do another reading, but I was most frustrated over this reading.

That was on Monday. Thursday I receive a note from our landlord that our lease was up next month and we needed to move out. ?!?!? Eric calls them to find out what in the world that is about, if its just a standard note and we need to renew our lease or if the owner wants the house back or ..? They apparently felt things were not working out and had been telling the owner this over the last few months and telling him how unhappy we were and how we do not handle issues properly and so the owner felt that if we were that unhappy we should move.

I felt like I had been sucker punched and for 2 days I was just not able to even engage into this situation. We love this house, though we detest the company that manages it, they are horrible. We didnt wish or plan to move though, that is for sure, and finding a home here that meets our needs is not an easy task since we need to live in a specific area to be by Blysse.

All of a sudden my reading at the beginning of the week starts formulating in my head. Difficulty putting plans in action or even making a plan, anxiety, having bitten off more than i can chew. The upside down knight involving a person who is just a loser, apparently very dishonest and scheming in regard to our management company person who is just a brainless idiot.

So Eric speaks to the manager there, asks for specifics, which of course were not given to him. I know much of it surrounded my losing it with the person who handles our house after she sent a strange person to work on the outside and did not tell me. I was here alone and there is someone banging around the house wiht an unmarked truck out front. So when i called and found out she had sent him and she said she had but was not legally required to notify me, the first thing out of my mouth to begin my launch was, "Are you crazy?" as she did not think there was any reason for me to be upset over a stranger outside the house while I am here alone, and it ended up with me very loudly telling her that if I ever see anyone out front tooling around this house while Im home alone here and not aware there was someone to be here i would call the police and press charges.

So Eric with all his patience asks the manager to discuss with the owner that we love the house and do not wish to leave and explains how frustrating it is to call them when something needs to be fixed only to receive no calls in return for a week or two at a time, how we do pay our rent on time, how we take very good care of this home, better than anyone else has for quite some time, I might add, etc., and she offers to discuss this with the owner.

We, in the meantime, spend the balance of the week and weekend looking for another place to live. Because even if he is willing to have us remain, I am not open to my fate being in the hands of losers, which is how I would describe Rent A Home of the Triad, and would have done so even before they sent me their note. And while I love this house in a lot of ways, they have been a problem since we moved in and I have not even thrown my boxes away since moving here because of this, as at least every other month I am ready to pack out of frustration from them. So by end of weekend, I definitely felt plugged into my truth and more like the King of cups in this respect.

This week's reading:

1. What I have: 5 of Swords reversed

2. What I need to know: 3 of cups reversed

3. Hanging Man

Hmmm. So I get this email from Blysse saying that if her counselor or teacher from school call me, dont get upset, there is a small problem and she is handling it. !?!?! I call her counselor who tells me its quite a big problem because apparently Blysse's capstone and her friend and lab partner's are identical and they were not to work together on this. And when confronted, Blysse was not apologetic. Urrgh. Welcome the 5 of swords reversed. I dont think the situation is going to have a great outcome for the group of kids here.. though i could be wrong.

This could also be plugging into me and not having a lot of time for socializing and being busy, as I do have a lot on my plate now to do between work, moving, and doing readings - im pretty swamped actually. I literally do not have time to move, as in setting a date for this, which is kind of crazy. I did forget though that eric will be off school soon, so maybe he can help with this detail when he is finished school.

On the other hand, Blysse did get invited to board at school, which came right before the note from her that she was in trouble. Ironic. While Im so proud of her and really thrilled, it is with a most heavy heart that I hear this, as I do not want her moving out. So that will be the next issue to get over after we work on this school issue and move.

Which I guess will lead me to my outcome of the Hanging Man. I can see how I am getting ready to go into a new phase but hanging myself up and holding up progress. I can see my introspection in this and maybe how i might need to change my perspective on things, that I am not seeing them clearly. I do not think it is something I want to see. At least not today, as Michale Neill would say, but this can always change tomorrow maybe. LOL

7 of Wands

Lots to write about over the last 2 weeks, and its been busy enough that this is the first chance I have gotten not only to write it out but to process it as well.

Readers Studio website has been created over the last week. I think everyone has been having a lot of fun with it. Its kind of a facebook forum, which is really kewl. I love facebook but thats just something with all the games and gadgets I never have enough time to follow and keep up with..lol. The Studio website is a little more down to earth and less quirky i think. =) I now have to figure out how to get my background in there from a picture like Doug - his background is sooo kewl and he made it from a picture he has. Im sure it will take me forever to figure that one out, and Im sure its as easy as this background here was which took me forever..LOL.. but when i do, you all know you will be hearing me dance around the room!

I am just now this week getting to start to play with all my toys from the Studio. I got 2 decks from the studio, the Maat deck and the Tarot of Dreams. So the first thing I did was put the book that came with the Maat deck in the bathroom. Sounds kinda male and gross, prolly too much info..LOL.. but it is a way to get in an extra few minutes of reading time in a day uninterrupted. Ok - this is a fantastic book! What drew me to begin with was the beauty of it. Its like this old fashioned book inside. The paper looks like it could be parchment (its not, but it has that feel to it) and the print is old fashioned and the ink looks like it was almost written with a quill. Its really beautiful. Im only through the intro, but reading about Julie's process and how she got started and created her decks was really fascinating, and Im looking forward to the rest of the book! And then.. the deck!

So last night I finally got a chance to check out the CD that came with my Tarot of Dreams. Ciro has done an amazing job on that CD!! Hes done an amazing job with the whole package, actually. The CD has this program where you can do a reading like those online where you hit this shuffle button and then tell it how to spread the cards out.. you hit the card to turn it over. Very kewl.

It also has extras where I got to read and see how he creates his decks and art work on the computer - he must have a really steady hand and a lot of patience - my goodness! It also has letterhead and all kinds of other stuff. Its really neat.

I did my first reading with the deck today. Now I found there were good and bad things about this deck. The good things: Its gorgeous. The pics are so vibrant and beautiful.. i love the deck, its like spiritual eye candy for me. I love the card descriptions that came on the CD as well, very good and lots of different points, i.e. position on the tree, astrology, etc. Love those.

Bad points - the cards are big and they are stiff. So its hard for me to shuffle and really concentrate to put my energy there. That frustrated me this morning. It took me 2 shuffles to feel like I had gotten somewhere. By 2 shuffles I mean I shuffled the first time, frustrated, and when i pulled cards, they were nonsense. Which of course frustrated me even more. I was near tears over the thought that this would be a pretty deck but one i was not able to read with. And in my fit of frustration, there was my ever patient husband coaching me to be patient and work with them more and calm down..LOL. It was tough because I didnt really want to bend and work the cards because they are so pretty and I dont want the cards warped and stuff. Not sure what I would do without the patience of my husband, probably not have any dishes or glasses in 1 piece for sure!

But I did do it again, shuffling a little differently.. and finally got a picking of cards that felt right:
1. What I have: 8 of wands
2. What I need to know: 7 of wands
3. Outcome: Emperor reversed

According to the tarot, I seem to be in a fighting place this week and last. Last week I was kind of lost with my reading, hence the lack of posting. I really needed to wait to see how this played out. This week it is starting to materialize more for me. Last week's reading:
1. The Lovers reversed
2. Ace of Pentacles
3. 7 of wands

I think the Lovers reversed was referring to me being in my own space as opposed to sharing it with my partner. Ive been definitely off-kilter these last 2 weeks health-wise and spirit wise, which normally comes up for me as a reversed queen of wands, but that week and last it was important that I blend more physicially with Eric and I just was not feeling well at all.

The ace was a welcome element, and we definitely did better financially these past 2 weeks, much better than I thought we would. I got to actually save some money, and our George Bush refund was sent last week, which was nice.

Interesting that last week's outcome is leading into what I need to know for this week. Im thinking, though I could be wrong, that this as well as the 8 of wands are referring to the school issue for Blysse. She wants to board at school next year, and Im dealing with the principal in this regard and his hesitation to allow this. Its very frustrating to her and me. Last year they would not allow Blysse to board at school, as she had a rather ... tumultuous.. entrance interview where Blysse chose to label herself as bipolar, not realizing what that meant. Obviously that very much freaked the good conservatives at the American Hebrew Academy out, and they were not only not believing me when I told them this was not the case, but they were not amenable to having her live there. Some months later after pointing out to Blysse what a bipolar person looks liek when behaving manic, she was pretty horrified that she told someone that was her. On the one hand, while I think about this it is pretty funny, very Blysse and very middle school thinking, but on the other, the consequences to her have been grave. They almost did not admit her to a school which has been life-changing for her, and they are still not very open to the idea of her living there.

So we are end of year now and she wants to board there next year. Those who know me know that I am not necessarily thrilled about this, for a number of reasons. Frankly, after what I have seen this year, I dont think any child should be in a boarding school. I never realized how much our kids need even 10 minutes a day at home with us, even the most independent of kids. When they dont get this, i think they just combust after a few weeks. However, Blysse really wants the opportunity to bond and get really close to the kids there before they leave for Israel Junior year. So I told her to talk to the principal and discuss this with him and share her growth with him.

He, on the other hand, got kind of ticked off after her counselor tried to make the appointment and laid into me about how my daughter's admission to the school and the conditions were between he and I. Whatever. Frankly, I have very little patience for the narrow mindedness of him and his admissions person, who I think it is a total idiot and should not be in charge of deciding which children are sane enough to be in their school, she does not seem to have the insight one needs, as considering they think Blysse is "bipolar" Blysse is probably the most down to earth of the kids Ive met so far, and one of the more sane ones, so that should give you an idea that yes - teenagers are crazy.

One of these days I will get over my total frustration and "bitterness" at the whole process between these 2 people..LOL. I think its the mom lion in me that just starts roaring every time I think of the whole situation. My wand just starts firing up!

Anyway, after the principal sent the command to me through Blysse's counselor to call him, and after I explained my thinking process in having Blysse sit down with him, he understood a little better (I think). So he asked me to have her evaluated by her doctor to submit a report to him, and then we are to sit down and talk, which I had done on Friday.

So Im waiting for the letter to come, after while I will call this guy and set up this appointment. Last year this time when we did this, the letter was fine but of course our typical school administrator did not agree, and the rest is history so far. So I can see where my current situation of the 8 wands in row ready are.. and I can see my fight ahead and that Im on higher ground (and right!) but possibly still with a few fights or cases to make. The 7 tells me I can do this, but I can see from the picture that this will not be a nice warm and fuzzy lets have tea meeting.

My worry is the outcome of the upside-down emperor. Not sure if that means hes going to be a jerk anyway in spite of a good case or if its just a description of what I think of this guy anyway.. which would fit.. or both? I feel like from this reading its indicating to me that even though I may have the ability to do this and its a tough fight and even in spite of the 7th position and the heat of possibility, that because I am dealing with an emperor type, the reversal indicates it might not make a difference.

Or maybe it means that itwill be fine but he will still be an upside-down emperor to me regardless. LOL Or maybe that it will just be longer until I meet with the emperor and the reversal just indicates a delay..

Or maybe I will be an upside-down emperor instead and the whole thing will make me feel that way, which it sometimes does. I dont always feel very well liked there for some reason, though to turn it around, I dont always like them too much anyway. I need to get over my offense which apparently seems to be tough to do. Its hard, though, when a group of people tell you your child is too mentally ill to do something when you know nothing could be further from the truth, and then you see all these other kids who are just as.. who are the same or even more challenged.

Now Im feeling that they are not applying the same standards to Blysse as they do the rest of the kids, and that is not fair to her. I do realize that a lot of this is her own doing though, and I guess she will have to live with that. I understand that, i know that in the scheme of things this is her path, but as her mother, as a person who tends to be a Queen of Wands, Im not too good with watching her pain over it.

Im doing my first professional reading next week. Very excited about that, though im kinda nervous. They did this raffle to raise money to help this stray cat they found at Eclectic by Nature, he was pretty sick and the bills are high. So I offered a 30-minute reading for their raffle. So someone won and they will be coming to my house next week for their reading! I read for people all the time, but this is the second step toward my goal set to really master my art. Im going to be doing 2 workshops this summer for Eclectic by Nature, and then hopefully will be teaching beginning tarot. Those were one of my goals, teaching. Now getting more out into the community here and reading and being a reader as opposed to the person my friends and family call when they are in a panic was another goal of mine. I started doing that a little bit, some of my colleagues were asking for readings. I didnt like that too much, too tricky political wise, just didnt like getting to know my boss' husband that well...LOL. So this is kewl and Im excited and scared to death, but Im ready and I know I can do it, i do it all the time. =)

At worse, it will give me more to blog about. LOL