The Hermit

I cannot believe it has been since October since I last wrote - crazy! I started back to school this Fall, and I have been so busy that unfortunately I have had to put the Tarot aside for more earthly studies..lol. So in a way, I, myself have been the hermit for the last 2 months.

As is very common for me, I find myself reading Tarot more often during times of stress than during times of calm. Thankfully I have not had to rely on the tarot too often this semester regarding school. There have been issues come up where I was reading a bit with Blysse, but aside from those adjustments, my deck has sat on my alter waiting for me..

Which is where it was when my brother was unexpectedly called in to court this week. I am truly beginning to wonder if this divorce he undertook this summer will ever end. The tarot this summer said not anytime soon and spoke of the expense. The question of Do I have Faith in the Tarot from 2007 Readers Studio rang in my ears and still does. In that regard, it has been a long summer and even longer fall and I have a new understanding of the type of expense involved in an upside down Ace of Pentacles.

So we have been through mediation and co-parenting counseling and bankruptcy, and yet after all this he is served with contempt charges that he did not sign the mediation papers. Apparently his lawyer felt them too vague and instead of her attorneys fixing this, they filed a contempt of court charge instead. I give Aaron credit, I am not sure I could sit in co-parenting counseling talking about parenting plans and not choke the person who is all the while suing me, costing me thousands of dollars I do not have which should be going toward raising my children. It is most frustrating.

So I ask the tarot Sunday night, what does Aaron need to know about court tomorrow?
1. What you have: The Queen of Wands reversed.
2. What you need to know: 8 of cups reversed.
3. What you get: The Hermit

So I tell Aaron, watch out, the Queen of Wands is on fire and ready to take prisoners tomorrow. She is a jealous and vengeful witch planning to deliberately undermine you and is making trouble. And Aaron asks.. what can she possibly do - HA! That is the beauty and caution of the Queen of Wands - she can do ANYTHING.

The 8 of cups told me that he was not walking away so easily from this situation, he was about to be drawn in and embroiled, regardless of his desire to avoid this - though I did not understand to what extent. The card talked about resisting spending time alone, and dreams of escape stymied, finding it hard to let go and move on, sticking to a process to ensure success.

But the outcome of the Hermit.. that was a bit mysterious. He is a guide, mentor and role model. His secret is that of Home and the promise of eventual rest, peace and protection, and I felt like he was asking Aaron to follow him down that road...

Of course there was no agreement met in court and they now will be at a hearing tomorrow. While I was not surprised necessarily by this outcome, I felt his pain and frustration.. so I was compelled once again to discuss this with the universe: What does Aaron need to know about Wednesday's court date?
1. What he has: Ace of Swords reversed.
2. What he needs to know: Knight of Swords reversed.
3. Outcome: The World.

I see the reversed ace as the judgment and the anxiety and stress that resulted. Words and logic used to deceive, clashes with authority. The whole suit of air is coming down around him.

The reversed knight is about an out of control, fanatical knight who is seen as ridiculous, inept, full of hot air, arguing theories that are irrelevant. Im hoping this is referring to Jeannie and her attorney and not to Aaron's. Based on the outcome, I would say this would be the case..

The World - I feel things will come full circle and in a good way, victory after struggles. Finding individual freement within inescapable time and space constraints. Involved in challenging experiences and handling it well.

Today he was then served more papers regarding discovery demanding his email, phone bills, hotel receipts and anything else you can imagine that might be personal and none of anyone's business, especially hers.

The readings fit, they work, they gel. I think there is an element that my brother and most people dealing with these types of situations hate acknowledging, and that is that these things take time and we cannot just bounce back or around so easily, even when it is tempting to do so. Inner contemplation i feel is a big message being offered here in the first reading and sometimes it is hard for him to quiet down enough and slow down enough to really listen. I am at a loss as to how to get through in this regard..

After receiving those papers today, gosh i even worry they will be checking out my blog here.. i really ought to give them something really good to read, huh..lol

I know better than to question myself, and the question again reverberated in my head.. Do I have faith in the Tarot?

I do - but I think where i lack faith is not in the universe but in those who seem to run it lately. I do not have faith in the legal system, nor in my fellow man most times, definitely not in lawyers or the psycho soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-laws they represent.

Conflict

Before getting into my usual ramblings here, I want to wish all my Jewish friends reading a happy and healthy new year!

My new year is not off to the greatest start, I must admit, which has me totally depressed, and what do I do when im depressed without answers, thats right - i read tarot! LOL

Im working with a new spread shared by Art Rosengarten, who, btw, is absolutely kewl and has an awesome yahoo group called Tarotpsych. If you are into tarot and psychology, or even just tarot, definitely check it out.. lots of really brilliant and insightful people in this group posting away and sharing sooo many great insights and pearles of wisdom, ive totally learned so much just in the past few months since joining.

So Blysse comes home from school with 4 other friends, 2 girls and 2 guys, one of them being her boyfriend. They had all planned to spend the new year with us. We had a great holiday dinner which was really fun. However, we then all spent the balance of the weekend watching Blysse and her bf be attached at various parts of themselves, which was thoroughly nauseating and very uncomfortable for the rest of us. And no matter what I said to Blysse, alone or with her bf, she would nod her head and then go back to assume an attached appendage position. Urrgh. I finally got so sick of the 2 of them I took them back to school early, as i was sooo tired of playing warden. Literally, the first night Eric and I were up til 2 am as every time we turned around, they were lip-locked on the couch. Now, it hasnt been that long (ok well maybe it has) so we understood this, and we finally separated everyone. Fine. Didnt stop them from assuming the attached position the next day.

I could get into more gory details, but i will spare us all.. suffice it to say, i am not a proponent of boarding schools, i think teenagers need more structure than what they offer, and my daughter in particular. Not just cause of the out of control teenage hormone thing.. but its as if the girl has no family or is not part of a family anymore. She hates when i call her.. the whole 9 yards. If she were 18 or 21, it would be bad enough, but at 15 i think its b.s.

So I did a reading today using Art's spread..

1. How things appear: Page of pentacles.

2. What is really going on: 6 of pentacles reversed

3. What needs to come out: The Magician

I did this with the Rider Waite deck and originally referred to Mary Greer's reference of Reversed Cards.. but i have to tell you, i just was not satisfied with this.. didnt make much sense. So I pulled out the computer reference that came with my Tarot of Dreams deck. This reference was done by Lee Bursten, and the more i read and use this reference, the more fantastic I think Lee Bursten is. I love this deck as well, btw, i just have a really hard time shuffling it and never feel like ive completely put my energy into it.

The page of pentacles is this young girl, looking at the world in her hands.. experimenting, trying things out on the material plane. Fascinatingly enough, the page of pentacles has the immature characteristics of the earth signs, including Taurus, virgo and capricorn). Not coincidentally, Blysse is a Taurus. Lee talks about this page learning material reality. Hmmm..

What is really going on, i feel, with the 6 of pentacles reversed is an uneven giving and taking. I totally feel imbalanced by this situation. Lee also mentions that the guy in the card is benevolently giving out money, but in his other hand, the scale is still tipped one way and imbalanced. So while Blysse may be spending time with us here, she is certainly not giving of her time or energy truly. Or while I am giving of my time and energy, there certainly is not much to be receiving at the other end.

Another really interesting thing about this card also is its astrological characteristic of being Moon in Taurus which talks about how we have a "tendency which causes us either to be encouraged or resistant according to our personalities to express maternal, compassionate, protective insticts in a patient and tireless way." hmmm.. this fits.

On the the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, this card falls at Wholeness, which strives to make things whole.

What needs to come out is the magician. Again, i was kind of stumped.. using my tools or having the power to manifest anything I wish just did not seem to fit. BUT - in reading Lee's interpretation, i realize also that the magician is a teacher and guide and mentor and he uses the 4 elements to problem solve. So I think what needs to come out is the teacher and mentor in us and we need to use the 4 elements to work this out.

On the tree of life, this position is the intersection between reason and reality - that which helps us make sense of what we see around us. - this leads us back so beautifully to the page who is trying to do just that.

I love Tarot because inside one card are about 100 layers of information there to be uncovered, its so amazing to me.

The pictures are the oracle cards I drew. I meant to draw 1 and 2 came out.. another fascinating thing. First was conflict - Duh! Heroic - the empowered side of caring energy that seeks justice and equality. This felt like it plugged straight into the 6 of Pentacles for me.

End of Summer

It has been quite some time since I have blogged, almost all summer - and yes, it has been that busy! Lots of great tarot stuff though!

Did some reading at Eclectic by Nature, 2 psychic fairs and also some private readings in the store. The psychic fairs were great, we had a lot of fun. Thanks to those of you who were kind enough to share your lives and secrets with me, hopefully I was able to help with some enlightenment or comfort.

I also met some new people this summer who are really amazing. I got in touch with a group of people studying intuition and angels in Winston Salem. Now, those of you who know me are saying.. angels Maris? really? Um - that would be a very loud and resounding YES!! I highly encourage anyone reading this to speak to your angels frequently, as they seem to be rather receptive and are just waiting for us to ask for their help. We had an amazing experience with this over the summer, and I will send my heartfelt thanks publicly to all the angels I spoke to who helped us in our time of confusion and need this summer. They most definitely showed up.

But this group of people are teaching me a lot, and I have found my inspiration again. I was really getting discouraged that I may have truly lost it after leaving Las Vegas, and it was getting to the point of depressing. However, I have really met a lot of like-minded people in this group who share my passion and interests, who are wonderfully gifted and through this I am learning a lot from them.

We are planning to collaborate a bit, which is really exciting to me. They, as well, are interested in learning about tarot, and I am interested in learning more about tapping into my intuition. Both go together really, really well. So in addition to studying intuition and angels with them, we are also going to be studying beginning tarot as well together. I am really excited about this, I think this will be awesome!

In all the chaos around here, I really have not gotten to do much reading this summer. Last week was the first time I have read for myself all summer:

What I have: King of Swords reversed

What I need to know: 3 of pentacles

What I get: 4 of cups

Im not sure what the king of swords is about - maybe my thoughts being all jumbled up and scattered and fragmented? It also talks about rigidity and discipline, having high standards as a parent, being critical and demanding as a spouse but intelligent and honest. Ok, i can see that. I have definitely been on Eric's case over the last 2 or 3 weeks big time in regard to the job and career thing. I also have some pretty high standards for my daughter. She did end up being able to board at school this year, and I have reiterated my expectations in that regard to her, as I cannot afford private school if she is not going to be serious.

The 3 of pentacles talks about collaboration and materialization of sacred. Creating things of value. Mary Greer also mentions serving or receiving a summons. So over the week i have been collaborating with Brad, my friend from WS, to work on tarot as well as intuition. I also received a summons, as Blysse's father has finally, finally been served court papers regarding his contempt of court for not supporting Blysse.

The 4 of cups discusses needing some grounding or quiet time. Maybe ignoring gifts which are being offered right in front of you. Hmmmm

This week's cards:

1. 4 of pentacles reversed

2. Hermit

3. 5 of pentacles reversed

So I think the 4 of pentacles reversed refers to my work situation. Ive not had a great week at work between last week and this one. Ive made some very stupid errors and there may be some serious issues coming up in this regard. My reactions in this regard tend to be extreme - sometimes very defensive like today, usually I am fearful and stressed as I cannot afford to lose my job. It definitely blocks me and hangs me up..

The hermit talks about a guide or mentor - furthering my education, which I am doing.. UNCG started last week and I have been crazy with homework and trying to find classes and need to write a paper on my goals, and i need to apply to my major college. I am also seeking spiritual education as well as offering it.

I hope the reversal of the 5 of pentacles is referring to the stress of my job and working easing up and not instead intensifying the 5. I could use the stress to ease up and break.. we shall see.

Ace of Pentacles as an Enemy

Last week during Aaron's trial, i did a spread for him that James Wells taught us at the Readers Studio. The shape is this arrow sign pointing up:

5

3 4

1 2

1. Resources: Page of Swords

2. Obstacles: 6 of Swords

3. Advantages: 5 of Swords

4. Disadvantages: Ace of Pentacles

5. What higher self wants you to know: King of Pentacles

So the ready mind engaging in trouble shooting, alert, quick witted, spying and surveillance. Being vigilant and watchful - Got it.

Inability to leave a situation, stuck mentally and physically with delays in plans, etc. as an obstacle.. yup.

Advantage - while not particularly flattering to Aaron, gaining from the misfortune of the PWFH being foolish, ok.. Salvaging as the air clears, good.

Then I came to the disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. How in the world can this card be a negative or a disadvantage? This has plagued me all week.

So on the tarot psych board the exercise last week was to choose 3 cards, 1 as a friend, 1 as an enemy, and 1 as a stranger. Last week, one of the posters had her friend as the Ace of Wands and her enemy the High Priestess.

This week's tweak on this was to then make your enemy your friend and your friend your enemy, and she posted how the Ace of Wands might be her enemy. Ok.. too much fire, passion, assertion, I got it.

Then the lightbulb went off for me.. Too much generosity, too much money, too much work, too much effort could very well be a disadvantage of the Ace of Pentacles. And hence the enlightenment, as just last night speaking to my brother, the PWFH was asking for some money from him, asking him to be generous, and he said he would consider it if she would be more agreeable to some other terms. This is money he doesnt have necessarily.. but would have to come up with it should he choose to be agreeable.

I called him up.. I shared that it is not advantageous for him to be this generous with his money, this agreeable with this type of person, as it will never end, the need too abundant, the requests and demands overwhelming and overflowing.

This would feed into what his higher self is saying to him regarding the King of Pentacles.. Eric is right in this interpretation, he needs to be the king in this regard, needs to make the rules and set the boundaries.

Fascinating...

Contemplating Strength

Doing lots of blogging this week, doing lots of readings too. I couldnt really hone in on the what i needed to know card this week until today, though. I was thinking maybe the silent strength was needed of me to support my family, but I dont think so. And certainly that would not facilitate an outcome of the hermit.

Then this morning im reading my email and there is yet another email alerting me to a change in the schedule to one of my meetup groups, specifically this group I just joined called Positive World Spiritual Meetup group. I was asked to join by one of the members who is also in a few of our other groups as well, she had written to me on my profile page, and while this is not necessarily my thing, per se, i did join in support of her.

So she keeps sending out these notes that the details of the meetup have been updated, yet they are the same, no changes have been made from day to day, so i go over to the main page to see if maybe Im missing something. And there is the blurb to this other person, found on the main page in the shout section, that 1 person should not keep him from joining the group, he should be doing what works for him and not allowing other people to ruin it for him.

Ok.. so in regard to this person she wrote this to, this guy has been upset with me for some strange reason, Im not sure why. He had been signed up for our last tarot meetup. I ended up cancelling the meetup because 2 or 3 hours before the meetup was to meet, only 1 person whas signed up to attend, and it would be quite awkward to hold a tarot reading meetup with just 1 person, it just is not the greatest energy, as he is a brand new reader, etc. So I cancelled the meetup for that night.

He got very upset and wrote me this note about how he felt.. explained how much he looks forward to these meetups, and shared some personal issues, which I will not post here, explaining Life as it is for him and the basis of his upset. Understanding and feeling horribly, I then extended some invitations to join us at various other activities and followed it up with a call the next day leaving a message and emailing him. He wrote me back basically asking me to leave him alone, that he was uncomfortable, and asking me not to contact him.

While Ive been kind of bewildered by this, I do respect his feelings and wishes. It has not escaped me that all the groups which we share in common he does not attend those activities where he sees I am coming. This hurts my feelings, as i feel terribly because I really like this person, but again, I respect his feelings.

So when I see this comment on the main board, I really am internalizing this, thinking he is referring to me. This really devastates me. First, I do not understand his reaction. I honestly tried to be sensitive and empathetic to his situation he shared, and while I can understand feeling uncomfortable about sharing too much sometimes with a person, I dont understand necessarily sharing that with other people this way.

And why the organizer of this group would post her response or counsel to this person publically on the home page of a supposed positive spirituality group is ... very telling of her. She advertises herself as a lightworker and reiki master, running a group on positivity, posting negative personality issues on the first page of her board.

I did email her asking her to give me a call, as I wanted to confirm that this reference was about me. Hate to be upset or offended if its not, but i highly doubt this is the case.. too many coincidences. Of course, she hasnt called me.

But my first instinct beyond that is to leave this group, as I really dont have much interest in it anyway, and that is before the lightworker, Reiki master posted this. I certainly do not feel supportive of a person who is so thoughtless, let alone negative this way either.

So then the Strength card comes to mind.. as does my outcome card for the week. In contemplating this, i definitely see my insides behaving like the lion here.. all fire and temper. Am I looking for this person to be the person to make the lion in me feel better? Should I be doing this for myself.. embodying the energy of this card, which would be a patient, kind, sensitive caring woman. Im trying.. ive been trying all along in regard to both of these people.

My instinct all along in regard to this gentleman is that when I see him to go over and give him a supportive hug and tell him how happy I am to see him. I feel that way.. i know underneath that his behavior is that of a person who is lonely and in pain and not about me.

But this other lady.. shes been rubbing me the wrong way for a bit. Shes one of those people who is kinda loud, always talking, knows something about everything. She goes to these meetups and ends up being the assistant and center of attention..lol.. which is great, i like the leader in her. But there is always something over the top about her. I had invited her and her husband over one night to play cards, as she was saying they are trying to make friends here.. and they were going to come, but like 3 days before cancelled because she had to work. Yet when we were walking told me she thought I didnt like people who had been married before based on me asking her how many times she had been married. Feeling terribly and telling her so, I explained I asked that question because i was trying to get to know her, not judge her. Of course, had she been doing the same, she would have found out that I, too, was previously married. I felt this had a lot to do with her cancelling. I was fine with her cancelling, it really was not a big deal and i kinda felt like they would..

But I can see the hermit card outcome, as my other instinct is to exit out of these groups I am in with her. I know this is my hurt feelings lashing out. Again, the quiet energy of the Strength card comes to mind and I guess the key to approaching this lies in this energy for me. I do not have the time or desire to have this type of thing in my life. I am waaay too old to have this immature, gossipy negativity, nor do i need to belong to groups where I am not having a great time, and I can quietly with strength and dignity do my thing elsewhere. I dont like being shoved out of things.. where i miss out on fun stuff while everyone else is out making friends - I dont want to be the enlightened hermit in a cave with just my illuminated lantern.

I cannot seem to get out of my own way when it comes to this stuff..LOL

The Lord of Ruin - Validation

So this card has been chasing me around this past week in regard to my brother, and today I am starting to get some validation on this. I cant remember which position this came up in his original cube reading, though it has to be either change he can prepare for or what he is not seeing. Urrgh.

Then when I asked flat out after doing his reading if he will get temporary custody, this card came up again. Not good.

So then I get the call today from my mother who had gone with Aaron (my brother) to see the lawyer in prep for next week. She mentions the card to me on the phone, as I told her I was worried, and also mentions that Aaron had a dream last night that he was being stabbed in the back. Well..

So apparently after they trade affidavits, i.e. Aaron sees those that his wife collected and she sees his, they see that there are 2 affidavits from friends of my mother not only supporting the Psycho Wife from @#$%!! but also trashing my brother stating he asked one of them to lie, and both stating that my parents were unkind and ganging up on his wife and my brother did not support her (maybe because shes PSYCHO!). This came as a HUGE blow to my parents, as they have been really kind to these 2 people, above and beyond the scope of friendship, if you ask me. And while my mother's friend is not responsible for the actions of her child or her child's husband, she did know what they had done and never said anything to my mom, which considering all they have done for each other, was pretty devastating to my mom.

The Lord of Ruin is starting to materialize. BUT - Im not so sure this is necessarily a bad thing. This card is not just about feeling stabbed in the back, in fact remember that swords is a picture of the mind and does not necessarily refer to a literal meaning, though certainly it can. The 10 of swords is also about endings and release, the ending of unwelcome situations, bad habits, depressive and harmful phases. I would definitely classify this entire divorcing/custody experience that way, and I would also definitely describe the relationship/"friendship" with this group of people in this way.

The relationship between my mother and her friend, we will call her C, and my mother and C's family has been needing to be cut off for quite a while. This has been very difficult considering C and my mother have friends in common and belong to many of the same friendship circles. I think this incident will make it much, much easier for my mom to release this group of extra baggage.

It brings to mind the 2nd card of the reading I did for this situation this week, the 8 of swords. I see where some sharper, less defeated ways of thinking need to be used - not just regarding the divorce case, but also regarding the company we choose to keep. I can see where the focus of the victim mentality needs to be adjusted and how that is binding the hands of everyone and blinding them to the truth in front of them.

I can also see brighter days on the other side of the 10 of swords card. I cannot imagine that anyone in their right mind would find either of these 2 people credible references. The situation of their own family is disastrous, with C's daughter having left her husband after spending the last year in bars everynight, telling him she was doing karaoke with her girlfriends when, in fact, she was cheating on him with a now unemployed bartender. In turn, her husband has been arrested for domestic violence, with my parents having bailed him out of jail by mortgaging their home last year (nice way to say thanks, huh). I do not think I am biased when I say that if I was a judge, I would have no time for the opinions of a mother who has spent the last year carousing in bars every night while her children are home with the father she is cheating on, nor would I have any time for the man who was arrested for beating her. Neither obviously uses good judgment - and I would wonder about the person calling them friends enough to recommend their opinions be taken into account regarding the welfare of 2 children.

So that could tie into the final outcome of the 4 of cups.. the gift sitting right in front of all of them which they have not been seeing.. or into the 6 of wands that came as the next step..

Strength?

Wow - its been a month since Ive posted.. guess Ive been busy! And so I have! My reading for this week:

1. What I have: 2 of wands

2. What I need to know: Strength

3. Outcome: The Hermit

Ive been thinking and contemplating on this reading ALL DAY. I get the 2 of Wands, because that really is sooo me right now. Im just on the verge of getting busy with my life, and Im talking really busy, but im sitting in limbo right now, setting things up, taking care of other things in order to get ready to move into the next phase of things. Im contemplating my whole world right now really.

Blysse has been accepted as a boarding student at school. Whether she goes or not remains to be seen. Her father, affectionately known around here as the POS (ill leave that to your imaginations) has yet to help out support-wise. She has called him a number of times and he says he is going back to work and will help, but he hasnt helped in over 3 years, so the likelihood of that is wearing thin, which will be devastating for her. Eric and I have crunched and crunched the numbers, and there just is not way around it, we cannot do it without his help. So this remains the big question upcoming next month.

If he comes through, and Im trying to send positive energy and vibes and visualizaitons in that direction, she leaves home and there I will be looking through the portal between the wands with the world in my hands deciding what to do.

I was accepted to UNCG and am registered for a full semester. So right now is the calm before the storm, the calm before I walk through that portal, again, to really change my life and take it in a new direction. Questioning did I take on too much work or class or studying.. contemplating, knowing I can do it and getting ready to do so.

And also on the brink of what to do with this tarot stuff. I was set to do 3 workshops this summer, one I did. Not a huge response for that or the one from this past weekend, birth cards, which I ended up cancelling, as I ended up with the weekend off from work and decided to head down to Atlanta to see the family. Beginning tarot classes start in the Fall, not sure how that is going to end up. I am scheduled to read this coming weekend on Sunday and also the Sunday before I leave for the beach, and much of what I will choose to continue depends on these dates and whether or not I am busy enough. I certainly do not need a third job, definitely dont need one where I am not earning money for sure! So Im kinda on the brink deciding about this as well. So the world is definitely in my hands and my destiny to be decided..

Strength - Im not sure about this. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Strength is more than just an inner strength. Its befriending the lion, I think, or maybe I am the lion roaring away.. ? I was reading the hard copy of the card meanings that came with my Tarot of Dreams deck. Ciro did the artwork, but the meanings were done by Lee Bursten, who really is fantastic too. He mentions that the Strength card is part of a triumvirate consisting of The Chariot, Strength and The Devil. A triumvirate is a commision of ruling body per Webster. The woman in the card controls the tiger from her intuitive center. She dominates the tiger not by brute strength, but through intelligence, sympathy and love. So maybe this is a hint at how I might have to deal with those things arising in my life..

The outcome of the Hermit is interesting. Normally the hermit is removed from others, kinda sitting back and meditating on what is needed. But the secret to the Hermit is Home. This would be a great stabilizing thing for me considering that mine has been shaken from its foundating, first having to move unexpectedly, now having it kind of possibly being pretty empty come the fall - but I can see through strength how I can make this work for me -

One of the things we finally did was get a second car - which is working much, much better for me now that I can get out of the house and do things on my own instead of being stuck here all day or now in the evenings while Eric is at school. Plus it will help me get to class on my own without having to wait on Eric. This ability to contribute and control more of my life helps center and bring me home.

I do see a key to this reading being a sense of balance - having it, needing it, maintaining it. Maybe sharing it..

I did some readings this past weekend for my family. Urrgh.. i felt sooo not on my game! Not sure if it was me or the cards.. or both, but probably it was me..LOL. My readings for my brother havent been what I would like them to be. I think his doubtful energy affects me. Last time I read for him with my Quest deck and spent the entire reading describing how it would look with the Rider Waite. This time I just took out the Rider Waite, not that it helped. I did a cube of change - it was ok. Then yesterday I did another reading for him here at home:

What does Aaron need to know about getting primary custody of his kids?

1. What he has: 9 of Pentacles reversed. --> got this - feeling entrapped and this being intensified, not all is well in his environment (duh!). Contentment and safety threatened. Victim of deceipt, difficult to relax. All this makes sense considering he has to live with Psycho Wife from @!#$!! until at least after his hearing next week.

2. What he needs to know: 8 of Swords --> It seems to describe more to me the mental thoughts and pattern of his wife, being a prisoner of your own thoughts and prejudice.. to see things differently, the bubble would pop and one would be free of the bondage of the ties, though the ties are loose and one can get out of them at any point. Interesting..

3. Outcome: 4 of Cups. In a negative light, this could mean not being satisfied with things you have, where nothing is good enough. I can see this. In a positive light, it can represent a desire to better your life. Wouldnt that be great for him!

Man - im really liking this accompanying interpretations with this deck!

When I flat out asked if he will get temporary custody, i got the 10 of swords, which I also got in his cube this weekend. I just dont know how to interpret this. Im trying not to fall into that trap of not liking what I see or putting in my own judgment versus what the card is showing. For instance, when i see this, my first instinct is not to think negatively that it means he wont get it, because I know how crazy she is and cannot imagine how any judge would not see this! But as a tarot reader, i sooooo know better than to do this, its been taught to me one too many times for sure! (Last time I ignored what was in front of me and thought I knew better than the tarot, Bonnie ended up having twins!)

I asked what his next step should be - 6 of wands. I kind of think this is positive. Obviously the title to this card is Victory. I also felt like it meant to be a leader. Lee Bursten mentions that even though the man is victorious, this is just for a moment in time. I can see this as a positive thing, though im not sure how this plays out with the previous 10 of swords... does that refer to Aaron, Jeannie, the situation.. ? Validation i guess will be here soon enough!

Chaos

Okay - the card here is the oracle card I pulled for my week this week upon asking for help and support. Very fitting though.

So as usual, I did my reading last week and got the following:

1. What I have: 3 of wands reversed

2. What I need to know: knight of cups reversed

3. What I get: King of cups

I did this reading with my new Tarot of Dreams deck. Okay.. so 3 of wands reversed.. hmmm biting off more than I can chew, difficulty putting plans into action or experiencing creative block, anxiety.. I had no clue what that was about. Nor did I understand the knight of cups either.. So Im frustrated thinking once again i was running into issues with shuffling this deck.. which would block me kind of.. but i hardly thought that would be a reading for the week. I didnt use another deck or do another reading, but I was most frustrated over this reading.

That was on Monday. Thursday I receive a note from our landlord that our lease was up next month and we needed to move out. ?!?!? Eric calls them to find out what in the world that is about, if its just a standard note and we need to renew our lease or if the owner wants the house back or ..? They apparently felt things were not working out and had been telling the owner this over the last few months and telling him how unhappy we were and how we do not handle issues properly and so the owner felt that if we were that unhappy we should move.

I felt like I had been sucker punched and for 2 days I was just not able to even engage into this situation. We love this house, though we detest the company that manages it, they are horrible. We didnt wish or plan to move though, that is for sure, and finding a home here that meets our needs is not an easy task since we need to live in a specific area to be by Blysse.

All of a sudden my reading at the beginning of the week starts formulating in my head. Difficulty putting plans in action or even making a plan, anxiety, having bitten off more than i can chew. The upside down knight involving a person who is just a loser, apparently very dishonest and scheming in regard to our management company person who is just a brainless idiot.

So Eric speaks to the manager there, asks for specifics, which of course were not given to him. I know much of it surrounded my losing it with the person who handles our house after she sent a strange person to work on the outside and did not tell me. I was here alone and there is someone banging around the house wiht an unmarked truck out front. So when i called and found out she had sent him and she said she had but was not legally required to notify me, the first thing out of my mouth to begin my launch was, "Are you crazy?" as she did not think there was any reason for me to be upset over a stranger outside the house while I am here alone, and it ended up with me very loudly telling her that if I ever see anyone out front tooling around this house while Im home alone here and not aware there was someone to be here i would call the police and press charges.

So Eric with all his patience asks the manager to discuss with the owner that we love the house and do not wish to leave and explains how frustrating it is to call them when something needs to be fixed only to receive no calls in return for a week or two at a time, how we do pay our rent on time, how we take very good care of this home, better than anyone else has for quite some time, I might add, etc., and she offers to discuss this with the owner.

We, in the meantime, spend the balance of the week and weekend looking for another place to live. Because even if he is willing to have us remain, I am not open to my fate being in the hands of losers, which is how I would describe Rent A Home of the Triad, and would have done so even before they sent me their note. And while I love this house in a lot of ways, they have been a problem since we moved in and I have not even thrown my boxes away since moving here because of this, as at least every other month I am ready to pack out of frustration from them. So by end of weekend, I definitely felt plugged into my truth and more like the King of cups in this respect.

This week's reading:

1. What I have: 5 of Swords reversed

2. What I need to know: 3 of cups reversed

3. Hanging Man

Hmmm. So I get this email from Blysse saying that if her counselor or teacher from school call me, dont get upset, there is a small problem and she is handling it. !?!?! I call her counselor who tells me its quite a big problem because apparently Blysse's capstone and her friend and lab partner's are identical and they were not to work together on this. And when confronted, Blysse was not apologetic. Urrgh. Welcome the 5 of swords reversed. I dont think the situation is going to have a great outcome for the group of kids here.. though i could be wrong.

This could also be plugging into me and not having a lot of time for socializing and being busy, as I do have a lot on my plate now to do between work, moving, and doing readings - im pretty swamped actually. I literally do not have time to move, as in setting a date for this, which is kind of crazy. I did forget though that eric will be off school soon, so maybe he can help with this detail when he is finished school.

On the other hand, Blysse did get invited to board at school, which came right before the note from her that she was in trouble. Ironic. While Im so proud of her and really thrilled, it is with a most heavy heart that I hear this, as I do not want her moving out. So that will be the next issue to get over after we work on this school issue and move.

Which I guess will lead me to my outcome of the Hanging Man. I can see how I am getting ready to go into a new phase but hanging myself up and holding up progress. I can see my introspection in this and maybe how i might need to change my perspective on things, that I am not seeing them clearly. I do not think it is something I want to see. At least not today, as Michale Neill would say, but this can always change tomorrow maybe. LOL

7 of Wands

Lots to write about over the last 2 weeks, and its been busy enough that this is the first chance I have gotten not only to write it out but to process it as well.

Readers Studio website has been created over the last week. I think everyone has been having a lot of fun with it. Its kind of a facebook forum, which is really kewl. I love facebook but thats just something with all the games and gadgets I never have enough time to follow and keep up with..lol. The Studio website is a little more down to earth and less quirky i think. =) I now have to figure out how to get my background in there from a picture like Doug - his background is sooo kewl and he made it from a picture he has. Im sure it will take me forever to figure that one out, and Im sure its as easy as this background here was which took me forever..LOL.. but when i do, you all know you will be hearing me dance around the room!

I am just now this week getting to start to play with all my toys from the Studio. I got 2 decks from the studio, the Maat deck and the Tarot of Dreams. So the first thing I did was put the book that came with the Maat deck in the bathroom. Sounds kinda male and gross, prolly too much info..LOL.. but it is a way to get in an extra few minutes of reading time in a day uninterrupted. Ok - this is a fantastic book! What drew me to begin with was the beauty of it. Its like this old fashioned book inside. The paper looks like it could be parchment (its not, but it has that feel to it) and the print is old fashioned and the ink looks like it was almost written with a quill. Its really beautiful. Im only through the intro, but reading about Julie's process and how she got started and created her decks was really fascinating, and Im looking forward to the rest of the book! And then.. the deck!

So last night I finally got a chance to check out the CD that came with my Tarot of Dreams. Ciro has done an amazing job on that CD!! Hes done an amazing job with the whole package, actually. The CD has this program where you can do a reading like those online where you hit this shuffle button and then tell it how to spread the cards out.. you hit the card to turn it over. Very kewl.

It also has extras where I got to read and see how he creates his decks and art work on the computer - he must have a really steady hand and a lot of patience - my goodness! It also has letterhead and all kinds of other stuff. Its really neat.

I did my first reading with the deck today. Now I found there were good and bad things about this deck. The good things: Its gorgeous. The pics are so vibrant and beautiful.. i love the deck, its like spiritual eye candy for me. I love the card descriptions that came on the CD as well, very good and lots of different points, i.e. position on the tree, astrology, etc. Love those.

Bad points - the cards are big and they are stiff. So its hard for me to shuffle and really concentrate to put my energy there. That frustrated me this morning. It took me 2 shuffles to feel like I had gotten somewhere. By 2 shuffles I mean I shuffled the first time, frustrated, and when i pulled cards, they were nonsense. Which of course frustrated me even more. I was near tears over the thought that this would be a pretty deck but one i was not able to read with. And in my fit of frustration, there was my ever patient husband coaching me to be patient and work with them more and calm down..LOL. It was tough because I didnt really want to bend and work the cards because they are so pretty and I dont want the cards warped and stuff. Not sure what I would do without the patience of my husband, probably not have any dishes or glasses in 1 piece for sure!

But I did do it again, shuffling a little differently.. and finally got a picking of cards that felt right:
1. What I have: 8 of wands
2. What I need to know: 7 of wands
3. Outcome: Emperor reversed

According to the tarot, I seem to be in a fighting place this week and last. Last week I was kind of lost with my reading, hence the lack of posting. I really needed to wait to see how this played out. This week it is starting to materialize more for me. Last week's reading:
1. The Lovers reversed
2. Ace of Pentacles
3. 7 of wands

I think the Lovers reversed was referring to me being in my own space as opposed to sharing it with my partner. Ive been definitely off-kilter these last 2 weeks health-wise and spirit wise, which normally comes up for me as a reversed queen of wands, but that week and last it was important that I blend more physicially with Eric and I just was not feeling well at all.

The ace was a welcome element, and we definitely did better financially these past 2 weeks, much better than I thought we would. I got to actually save some money, and our George Bush refund was sent last week, which was nice.

Interesting that last week's outcome is leading into what I need to know for this week. Im thinking, though I could be wrong, that this as well as the 8 of wands are referring to the school issue for Blysse. She wants to board at school next year, and Im dealing with the principal in this regard and his hesitation to allow this. Its very frustrating to her and me. Last year they would not allow Blysse to board at school, as she had a rather ... tumultuous.. entrance interview where Blysse chose to label herself as bipolar, not realizing what that meant. Obviously that very much freaked the good conservatives at the American Hebrew Academy out, and they were not only not believing me when I told them this was not the case, but they were not amenable to having her live there. Some months later after pointing out to Blysse what a bipolar person looks liek when behaving manic, she was pretty horrified that she told someone that was her. On the one hand, while I think about this it is pretty funny, very Blysse and very middle school thinking, but on the other, the consequences to her have been grave. They almost did not admit her to a school which has been life-changing for her, and they are still not very open to the idea of her living there.

So we are end of year now and she wants to board there next year. Those who know me know that I am not necessarily thrilled about this, for a number of reasons. Frankly, after what I have seen this year, I dont think any child should be in a boarding school. I never realized how much our kids need even 10 minutes a day at home with us, even the most independent of kids. When they dont get this, i think they just combust after a few weeks. However, Blysse really wants the opportunity to bond and get really close to the kids there before they leave for Israel Junior year. So I told her to talk to the principal and discuss this with him and share her growth with him.

He, on the other hand, got kind of ticked off after her counselor tried to make the appointment and laid into me about how my daughter's admission to the school and the conditions were between he and I. Whatever. Frankly, I have very little patience for the narrow mindedness of him and his admissions person, who I think it is a total idiot and should not be in charge of deciding which children are sane enough to be in their school, she does not seem to have the insight one needs, as considering they think Blysse is "bipolar" Blysse is probably the most down to earth of the kids Ive met so far, and one of the more sane ones, so that should give you an idea that yes - teenagers are crazy.

One of these days I will get over my total frustration and "bitterness" at the whole process between these 2 people..LOL. I think its the mom lion in me that just starts roaring every time I think of the whole situation. My wand just starts firing up!

Anyway, after the principal sent the command to me through Blysse's counselor to call him, and after I explained my thinking process in having Blysse sit down with him, he understood a little better (I think). So he asked me to have her evaluated by her doctor to submit a report to him, and then we are to sit down and talk, which I had done on Friday.

So Im waiting for the letter to come, after while I will call this guy and set up this appointment. Last year this time when we did this, the letter was fine but of course our typical school administrator did not agree, and the rest is history so far. So I can see where my current situation of the 8 wands in row ready are.. and I can see my fight ahead and that Im on higher ground (and right!) but possibly still with a few fights or cases to make. The 7 tells me I can do this, but I can see from the picture that this will not be a nice warm and fuzzy lets have tea meeting.

My worry is the outcome of the upside-down emperor. Not sure if that means hes going to be a jerk anyway in spite of a good case or if its just a description of what I think of this guy anyway.. which would fit.. or both? I feel like from this reading its indicating to me that even though I may have the ability to do this and its a tough fight and even in spite of the 7th position and the heat of possibility, that because I am dealing with an emperor type, the reversal indicates it might not make a difference.

Or maybe it means that itwill be fine but he will still be an upside-down emperor to me regardless. LOL Or maybe that it will just be longer until I meet with the emperor and the reversal just indicates a delay..

Or maybe I will be an upside-down emperor instead and the whole thing will make me feel that way, which it sometimes does. I dont always feel very well liked there for some reason, though to turn it around, I dont always like them too much anyway. I need to get over my offense which apparently seems to be tough to do. Its hard, though, when a group of people tell you your child is too mentally ill to do something when you know nothing could be further from the truth, and then you see all these other kids who are just as.. who are the same or even more challenged.

Now Im feeling that they are not applying the same standards to Blysse as they do the rest of the kids, and that is not fair to her. I do realize that a lot of this is her own doing though, and I guess she will have to live with that. I understand that, i know that in the scheme of things this is her path, but as her mother, as a person who tends to be a Queen of Wands, Im not too good with watching her pain over it.

Im doing my first professional reading next week. Very excited about that, though im kinda nervous. They did this raffle to raise money to help this stray cat they found at Eclectic by Nature, he was pretty sick and the bills are high. So I offered a 30-minute reading for their raffle. So someone won and they will be coming to my house next week for their reading! I read for people all the time, but this is the second step toward my goal set to really master my art. Im going to be doing 2 workshops this summer for Eclectic by Nature, and then hopefully will be teaching beginning tarot. Those were one of my goals, teaching. Now getting more out into the community here and reading and being a reader as opposed to the person my friends and family call when they are in a panic was another goal of mine. I started doing that a little bit, some of my colleagues were asking for readings. I didnt like that too much, too tricky political wise, just didnt like getting to know my boss' husband that well...LOL. So this is kewl and Im excited and scared to death, but Im ready and I know I can do it, i do it all the time. =)

At worse, it will give me more to blog about. LOL

Readers Studio 2008

So I have been home since Sunday from the Studio and am just now getting to write. Its actually taking me some time to process, so this is not necessarily a bad thing. Not sure I have processed everything anyway, probably between blogging here and then going over some of the spreads at meetup or teaching will help.

Im not sure how to describe the studio this year, very different from last year, though why that is I am not sure. It was just an entirely different energy and a different experience. This year the studio was bigger, bigger hotel, more people, but I liked both of those things. Last year's studio seemed more intimate though. The hotel was bigger, the rooms were nicer I think. We had more room to do our thing.

So we arrived in Newark Tuesday afternoon and hooked up with Ruth Ann and Wald for dinner. That was really fantastic, and we had a great time. It was the calm before the storm, so to speak. It was a great opportunity for Eric to meet them, as he has only really heard about them and class. I had a great conversation with Wald about the differences between truth and reality, which I really needed to hear and think about it.

Eric and I spent Wednesday in the city, which was a fantastic day. We hit 2 plays, November with Nathan Lane, pass. We also saw Spring Awakening, which won a ton of Tony Awards in 2007, and it was fantastic! We also ate corned beef and humantashen at Roxy Deli and walked 5th Avenue. We ran into Doug Reuschel (hopefully his last name is spelled right) from the Houston Tarot Meetup and his friend Sal, they were both seeing Spring Awakening also and we took the train back to the hotel together that night. Very fun.

Thursday we breakfasted with Paul and Mary Greer joined us. Toward the end of breakfast Ciro Marchetti also joined us and chatted a while. What an interesting guy and his wife is absolutely lovely! We moved into the lobby for more visiting with people starting to arrive and we got to visit more with Mary who shared these amazing pics of these mosaic tarot murals which she found in this chalet in South of France. They were really kewl. Mary is such a giving person, she really is. She even shared some ideas she had and some she had heard for getting the meetup group more lively and active. How kewl is that!

Thursday night we headed into the preconference on Advanced Birth Cards given by Wald. We learned this amazing spread where you take 10 cards, your 2 birth cards and the 8 in between, and superimpose them on the Tree of Life. AMAZING spread! AND.. i discovered that in the order of things, Blysse's birth cards come right before mine and Eric's come right after mine. Superimposed on this spread, Blysse's weaknesses then become my strengths and my weaknesses become Eric's strengths. I thought that was sooo powerful.

The studio officially opened on Friday. Kevin Quigley did the first workshop of the studio. Im not sure about his workshop. First, let me say that he is a great teacher and had a lot to share and all of it was substantial, it wasnt fluffy or flaky, it was a lot of intense info. Unfortunately, i think it would have been better done with a smaller group because it was hard to get enough of the details for the first part of the spread he showed us and I got really frustrated. He was discussing the 4 Kabbalistic worlds and which numbers and suits correspond. So we then had to draw a court card representing ourselves and then an additional card - not sure even what that was for.. but you use it to explore the issues based on the Tree. So I draw the King of Pentacles. But the kings are at the top of the tree, pentacles at the bottom.. and i was not sure which attributes i was to deal with. Because of the larger size, it was hard to ask and get it fully explained..

He then showed us another spread, though, that used the various elements to pull a 10 card spread to explore what kind of readers we are, and i thought that was fantastic, i really loved that. I will be using that spread in our upcoming meetup.

Friday night we attended a cocktail party, which was really great too. We got to schmooze with Johanna Gargiulo-Sherman and Ciro and Mary and David and Paul and many others. It was a lot of fun and some great conversation.

I had a reading with James Wells. The final message - I need to let go of the outcome. Ya, right. LOL

Saturday was a full day of workshopping. Thalassa started us off. She also is fantastic, though with a very different personality and energy than others. I thought she was wildly entertaining and her energy was infectious. Im still walking around telling people.. sssshhhh make like the ocean and shuuuuuush. LOL. Thalassa runs BATS, Bay Area Tarot Symposium. She lives in the San Francisco area. She really plugged us into more of our body language. I liked it, and i liked other ideas she had .. like she passed around this big bag filled with tarot cards from all different decks and we each picked one. Loved that. She also did an amazing 5-card spread, a box spread, that was hugely powerful!

James wrapped up the studio with his workshop on the answer is the question or the question is the answer, or something of that sort. He did an outstanding workshop and was a lot like the workshops we had last year, very hands on, reading a lot of tarot, and i loved the spreads we did.

So that night we went to a great italian restaurant which was .. surreal. It was like a throw back to Old Philly with the older gentleman singing Frank Sinatra so loud it was hard to converse but entertaining nonetheless, and older people dancing. The food was outstanding! Eric and I dined with 2 other ladies we met at the studio and one is a practicing Shaman, and I was riveted, as I have been working with a shaman this year for the first time and I love it. Of course, I had a major gallbladder attack starting at 8 pm due to the stuffed mushrooms, which were stuffed with sausage! So I was sick most of Saturday night.

Eric went to the Sacred Rose workshop that night with Johanna and really had a great time, bonded with a lot of people and really felt great. I loved that.

Sunday morning we slept in and started our trek home. =)

Good Readers Studio things: Loved seeing old friends and also visiting with those not as familiar, i.e. Johanna and Mary. Loved meeting artists like Ciro Marchetti and hearing about his process and how he goes about making his art. I LOVE his Tarot of Dreams and picked that deck up. I loved catching up with Ruth Ann and Wald, my teachers.

I loved the italian restaurant we discovered, even if it did make me sick.. was good while it lasted..LOL. I loved that we got to enjoy some broadway and NY culture.

I love the decks I got - Tarot of Dreams and the Maat Tarot. Ive had my eye on the Maat deck since last year. I love my Readers Studio poster, and I love the wand I got from Garnet. Garnet had some amazing wands she had made. Mine is made of rose quartz and is gorgeous.

Eric had a FANTASTIC experience I think and really found his own footing there, and I think that was amazing. While we sat together, we read separately and he absolutely held his own. I was sooo proud of him - though i knew he could do it! =)

Wow - after writing all that Im not sure that there is a list of things I did not like. Certainly there were issues, like the exhaustion we were constantly fighting. I think the location of the hotel was problematic in that leaving was tough, either it was expensive to go to the city or there was nowhere locally to go, unlike last year where there was a diner for some variety. I think that really affected us a lot.

There was the clique-y thing going on at times which was tough and made me feel funny, though certainly there were plenty of very lovely people to hang out with and get to know and I did.

I have yet to pick up my cards since I have been home though. I experienced that last year too where for a week or two I just did not want to look at tarot. Maybe we got too close this weekend, maybe too familiar.. maybe not close or familiar enough?

Queen of Wands Reversed

This is one of my favorite renditions of the Queen of Wands done by Ciro Marchetti, who has done the Gilded Tarot and Tarot of Dreams. He also did the poster for the Readers Studio which, in a few weeks, you will be able to check out in my office at home after I purchase one at the Readers Studio directly from Ciro. Im totally jazzed about seeing his artwork and meeting him - Im a huge fan!! And if I am really lucky, I will also be in possession of his tarot deck Tarot of Dreams as well in 2 weeks! =)))

My reading this week:
1. What I have: 9 of Wands reversed.

2. What I need to know: Queen of Wands reversed.

3. Outcome: 10 of Cups

Not all that much different from last week with the exception of my current situation, last week it was the Knight of Pentacles, this week it is 9 of Wands.. im guessing I have made some progress! So does this 9 mean I have gone from the standstill contemplation of that Knight onto rushing forward.. through the war.. looking much currently like one bashed by my wands? Maybe..

So I am in the process of dealing with many personal demons that have been sitting in the shadows until recently. I can definitely see myself as that guy just doing my best to fight through it. I am definitely battling through not just my health, but my fear of health care - i still have a few obstacles to go, the worst of them, as a matter of fact. I have an ultrasound in 2 days which I am soooo not looking forward to and also the dreaded mammogram which has yet to be scheduled. There was another test that I was to have, but woke up and decided that was just a little too overboard even for this upside down Queen. So I got through my blood test part today, or actually one of the bigger blood tests needed. I have more next week too. But now I just have to get through Thursday and I think i will be able to see myself on the other side.

So I am definitely out of my comfort zone here.. my left arm has a HUGE bruise from this morning. Im facing this ultrasound this week that is being done quite contrarily to my preference, but I am going to do this I have decided, in spite of my reluctance. This, i feel i can do, as opposed to that other nasty test I do not think i can do. It will, however, probably turn me waaaay on top of my head just with the anxiety alone.

But - the outcome is still the same - the treasured 10 of Cups. Which is my goal.

I am definitely seeing a pattern with this weekly reading, which has really been fantastic.

I just ordered yet another book needed for my weekly class of Initiation, Western Magical whatever.. great class! Im totally loving the class, its fascinating. Ive started doing the banishing pentagram ritual before reading now, which is kinda kewl. Not sure if I am doing it right, but i feel more energized surprisingly now that i have been doing this ritual daily or almost daily. Of course, we have gotten into the meat of the course where we are discussing the pentagram in regard to each element, and my eyes are starting to cross with it all, but I will spend the week doing my best.

So now each week I have a BOTA lession and a Magical initiation lesson.. and Tarot. =)

Ive also been having more people requesting readings from me, which has been neat. Im not sure how to work that out though. I mean, i hate the idea of charging my friends or even acquaintances, but at the same time, I do recognize that I need to have some sort of trade so I dont get drained and tired, which does happen to me. The people asking are in our witch's group, so I thought maybe if we had it as a meetup where others can read for me too, then we would kind of have a win-win thing.

But it is most interesting that the goal I set when starting BOTA study is slowly but surely starting to materialize.. and this is very exciting but also amazing to watch. And feel and experience!

April

Okay - so its been 2 weeks since Ive blogged..lol.. and with good reason. Last week's reading, i totally did not get and still dont! So it was awfully hard to blog on it. I guess I could have blogged as to why I dont get what the reading was about..

So its a strange thing because in looking at the reading, i guess i could see things that might plug into what it meant, maybe, but is the idea that im supposed to plug what goes on into my readings or am I supposed to be able to plug my readings into what is going on.. i dunno.

So last week's reading was:

1. Temperance reversed.

2. Death.

3. Queen of Wands reversed.

Ok.. so temperance reversed is about imbalance, and possibly having that affect your health. I wasnt really sick, but i can see how i might be a bit imbalanced and not feeling well from it... maybe. Then the Death card - what is that about? Im thinking, maybe its the end of imbalance? The outcome is the Queen of Wands reversed..

So I had a perfectly great week last week.. didnt feel sick or imbalanced, didnt really experience a huge change or ending so far.. My mother got sick and was in the hospital, so then im all freaked out thinking OMG - shes imbalanced and going to die.. (God forbid) but i know better than that.. but still, with every call not hearing she was feeling better, there was this sinking feeling for me.

But I drew another card on the question - is this Death a good thing or a bad thing? I received some reassurance with the 5 of cups reversed.

But I would not describe my outcome as being reversed, if the queen was in fact me. Could have been my mother, i might describe her as a Queen of Wands or an upside down Queen of Wands (sorry mom). But .. i dunno, just didnt feel like it fit..?

Ok - so this week:

1. Knight of Pentacles

2. Queen of Wands reversed

3. 10 of Cups

So something is definitely up with the Queen of Wands cause she is all over my readings these days. Then Im thinking maybe this is all leading up to this appointment i have tomorrow with this specialist. Something Im not looking forward to, 3-hour GYN appointment - ick. I still cannot figure out what in the world we are going to do for 3 hours - not sure I even want to know. I can see myself as the knight of pentacles.. getting myself ready, getting the information together and getting ready to receive information from this doctor. Pentacles with the health and the work it is taking to get myself to go .. dark horse and environment because frankly its not a bright and happy time im planning to have!

And I can see how this might put me a bit upside down.

but the outcome is kinda kewl, especially considering why I am going. So then im thinking of the problem with getting pregnant has been that im kind of imbalanced in a way which is affecting my health and what i want to do.. and seeing a doctor tomorrow for 3 hours might very well lead to a major end of this - and doing what will need to be done will definitely put me upside down (I almost feel sorry for the poor guy tomorrow having to deal with neurotic old me) - I might be able to see last week's reading there..

But that was for last week, not this week..??

Maybe this is all referring to other things Im doing. I signed up for Lon Milo Duquette's Initiation into Western Magick class - its FANTASTIC! Im totally loving it. Check out The Key to Solomon's Key - its great, very interesting (at least so far!).

More later with hopefully some valdiation on this!

A New and Better Week

OMG - so its almost the end of the week and Im just getting around to writing on my beginning of the week's reading - its been busy around here!!

Reading for the week:

1. What I have: King of Wands

2. What I need to know: Ace of Pentacles

3. What I get: 6 and 7 of Swords

Ok - so its Thursday, and I still have no clue what the deal is with the King of Wands. I dont feel like the King of Wands, Eric does not appear to me to be the King of Wands, though I could be wrong. There have definitely been some things over the last weekend and early in the week that might lend to that.. just not sure. I was reading Kabbalistic Tarot, and I think maybe I got a slight hint.. Dovid Krafchow, the author, speaks of air feeding fire, and the fire of the wand being that of will. The outcome of spiritual will is illumination. He mentions blind will and that this can be both miraculous or destructive.

I have definitely been working with my will over the past 2 weeks, and a miracle or two, or even just 1 would be a nice outcome in that regard. So if this card refers to that and is validating this for me, Ill take it (not that I have the choice not to..lol).

What I need to know.. I smiled when i saw the Ace of Pentacles. It is a most welcome energy as compared to last week's. It said to me that all the things last week that went nowhere, which was just about everything, would work out much better this week, and so far they have. I got to the Social Security office and had my number updated with my married name. I then got to renew my driver's license here without issue. Those 2 things alone were quite substantial in regard to things I have been working on. I have been hearing from some people in our tarot group expressing more interest, that was nice. I admit I have been a bit stubborn on that front, still kind of ticked off about it,but it was nice to be able to talk about it with some friends, I felt supported which was something I needed. So work is getting done and being accomplished.

Outcome - I pulled 1 card but 2 came out, so I took them both. I felt from the 6 of swords that I would be moving away from my thoughts that were really getting me down if I chose. Distancing myself from the issues so I could work with the thoughts in my head, talking to others to help me gain some objectivity. Facing the idea of possibly walking away for a while from my tarot meetup would be disappointing but might be necessary in order to have a better attitude, seek my pleasures that way elsewhere instead of there..

When I first pulled the 7 I was unsure.. but by Monday morning I knew what it was getting at. One of the issues about the social security card was that even if I got the application in, I would not get my new card until after my license expired unless they did not take my original. So addressing that required a bit of deception on my part.. and while I was not sure if I should do that, after remembering that card, I went for it and just told them I had lost my original card as opposed to handing it over. It worked out great, they gave me the forms, i had the original, and 2 days later I was at the DMV, problem solved.

Ok - off to work!!