April

Okay - so its been 2 weeks since Ive blogged..lol.. and with good reason. Last week's reading, i totally did not get and still dont! So it was awfully hard to blog on it. I guess I could have blogged as to why I dont get what the reading was about..

So its a strange thing because in looking at the reading, i guess i could see things that might plug into what it meant, maybe, but is the idea that im supposed to plug what goes on into my readings or am I supposed to be able to plug my readings into what is going on.. i dunno.

So last week's reading was:

1. Temperance reversed.

2. Death.

3. Queen of Wands reversed.

Ok.. so temperance reversed is about imbalance, and possibly having that affect your health. I wasnt really sick, but i can see how i might be a bit imbalanced and not feeling well from it... maybe. Then the Death card - what is that about? Im thinking, maybe its the end of imbalance? The outcome is the Queen of Wands reversed..

So I had a perfectly great week last week.. didnt feel sick or imbalanced, didnt really experience a huge change or ending so far.. My mother got sick and was in the hospital, so then im all freaked out thinking OMG - shes imbalanced and going to die.. (God forbid) but i know better than that.. but still, with every call not hearing she was feeling better, there was this sinking feeling for me.

But I drew another card on the question - is this Death a good thing or a bad thing? I received some reassurance with the 5 of cups reversed.

But I would not describe my outcome as being reversed, if the queen was in fact me. Could have been my mother, i might describe her as a Queen of Wands or an upside down Queen of Wands (sorry mom). But .. i dunno, just didnt feel like it fit..?

Ok - so this week:

1. Knight of Pentacles

2. Queen of Wands reversed

3. 10 of Cups

So something is definitely up with the Queen of Wands cause she is all over my readings these days. Then Im thinking maybe this is all leading up to this appointment i have tomorrow with this specialist. Something Im not looking forward to, 3-hour GYN appointment - ick. I still cannot figure out what in the world we are going to do for 3 hours - not sure I even want to know. I can see myself as the knight of pentacles.. getting myself ready, getting the information together and getting ready to receive information from this doctor. Pentacles with the health and the work it is taking to get myself to go .. dark horse and environment because frankly its not a bright and happy time im planning to have!

And I can see how this might put me a bit upside down.

but the outcome is kinda kewl, especially considering why I am going. So then im thinking of the problem with getting pregnant has been that im kind of imbalanced in a way which is affecting my health and what i want to do.. and seeing a doctor tomorrow for 3 hours might very well lead to a major end of this - and doing what will need to be done will definitely put me upside down (I almost feel sorry for the poor guy tomorrow having to deal with neurotic old me) - I might be able to see last week's reading there..

But that was for last week, not this week..??

Maybe this is all referring to other things Im doing. I signed up for Lon Milo Duquette's Initiation into Western Magick class - its FANTASTIC! Im totally loving it. Check out The Key to Solomon's Key - its great, very interesting (at least so far!).

More later with hopefully some valdiation on this!

A New and Better Week

OMG - so its almost the end of the week and Im just getting around to writing on my beginning of the week's reading - its been busy around here!!

Reading for the week:

1. What I have: King of Wands

2. What I need to know: Ace of Pentacles

3. What I get: 6 and 7 of Swords

Ok - so its Thursday, and I still have no clue what the deal is with the King of Wands. I dont feel like the King of Wands, Eric does not appear to me to be the King of Wands, though I could be wrong. There have definitely been some things over the last weekend and early in the week that might lend to that.. just not sure. I was reading Kabbalistic Tarot, and I think maybe I got a slight hint.. Dovid Krafchow, the author, speaks of air feeding fire, and the fire of the wand being that of will. The outcome of spiritual will is illumination. He mentions blind will and that this can be both miraculous or destructive.

I have definitely been working with my will over the past 2 weeks, and a miracle or two, or even just 1 would be a nice outcome in that regard. So if this card refers to that and is validating this for me, Ill take it (not that I have the choice not to..lol).

What I need to know.. I smiled when i saw the Ace of Pentacles. It is a most welcome energy as compared to last week's. It said to me that all the things last week that went nowhere, which was just about everything, would work out much better this week, and so far they have. I got to the Social Security office and had my number updated with my married name. I then got to renew my driver's license here without issue. Those 2 things alone were quite substantial in regard to things I have been working on. I have been hearing from some people in our tarot group expressing more interest, that was nice. I admit I have been a bit stubborn on that front, still kind of ticked off about it,but it was nice to be able to talk about it with some friends, I felt supported which was something I needed. So work is getting done and being accomplished.

Outcome - I pulled 1 card but 2 came out, so I took them both. I felt from the 6 of swords that I would be moving away from my thoughts that were really getting me down if I chose. Distancing myself from the issues so I could work with the thoughts in my head, talking to others to help me gain some objectivity. Facing the idea of possibly walking away for a while from my tarot meetup would be disappointing but might be necessary in order to have a better attitude, seek my pleasures that way elsewhere instead of there..

When I first pulled the 7 I was unsure.. but by Monday morning I knew what it was getting at. One of the issues about the social security card was that even if I got the application in, I would not get my new card until after my license expired unless they did not take my original. So addressing that required a bit of deception on my part.. and while I was not sure if I should do that, after remembering that card, I went for it and just told them I had lost my original card as opposed to handing it over. It worked out great, they gave me the forms, i had the original, and 2 days later I was at the DMV, problem solved.

Ok - off to work!!

Validation

Ok- i know what the message of the 8 of pentacles reversed is now - that i will get NOTHING done this week! This has been, by far, one of the most frustrating weeks!

I need to renew my driver's license by my birthday. I also need to transfer my license to North Carolina. So I make arrangements from work to take off on Wednesday to do this. I grab all my documents, go out to the car to grab the last one, proof of insurance, and it is nowhere to be found! Not only was it not in the car, but the latest proof of insurance in my car was from 2006!!

Sooo.. i go into the house, go into Eric's office and start looking.. nothing. He has this pile of papers for file in his drawer.. its not in there. Oh - the 2007 proof of insurance was in there, not in the car, but in his drawer, and the 2008 insurance still nowhere to be found. Go to my office, its not in the file for it. ?!?!?!

Call Eric - it should be in the car - ya, well ITS NOT!! Then it should be in the drawer - ya, well ITS NOT!! He did have a copy in his wallet.. great place for it, especially if I am driving.

Ive now spent 1.5 hours on this. Realizing Im not going to get this done, i go back to work, not at all happy with my significant other. He gets home and finds it somewhere in the shelves above his desk.. great place for it.

Ok - so on Thursday afternoon, i once again try heading out to the DMV, and I actually get there! She needs my proof of insurance, check; social security card, check; old driver's license, check - uh oh - wait.. the name on my social security card doesnt match my license. Ya.. well its been that way for 6+ years. Sorry - until the name on my social security card matches my license, they wont issue me a new one.

Okaaay - but that takes 6 weeks. Yes, they know that. Okaaay - but my license will expire on the 25th - yes, they know that. But.. does that mean that when i finally get my new card in 6 weeks I will have to take the drivers test again?! No.. I have up to a year to renew my license without having to do that. Uh huh. BUT - in the meantime I have to make sure i dont drive.

great.

So.. now not only do i not have a car during the day and am prisoner in the house, come the 25th i will have no license too. Joy to the world!!

Then I leave there and head to the social security administration. What do they give away there, id like to know! The DMV is empty, they must all be at social security doing the same thing I have to because there was nto an inch in the cracker box office there to stand, let alone the smell!!

So Im thinking.. ok, this afternoon I will pick up Eric and head back there and so i will just have to sit there for an hour instead of 5. Uh.. ya, well the office closes at 4, and eric doesnt get out of work til then.

Nothing accomplished!!

Then in the mail arrives a package for Blysse from her father with a box of 2 necklaces and a bracelet and a note saying he was sorry he had not sent them sooner, and she must be so grown up by now he would not recognize her if he saw her. Pathetic. And my child has to go run like a fire is burning to "thank him" which absolutely set me off. The man has not supported her since she was 12, we dont even have a phone # to give to her school.. hasnt bought her a pair of shoes in years, but manages to scrape it up for jewelry she doesnt need. Then of course when she talks to him he shares that he wants to come visit during her break. NOT.

So let me get this straight - he cant afford to support her financially, steals insurance reimbursement from me and doesnt cover her medical bills at all for years.. is wanted by the Clark County District Attorney for failure to meet his responsibilities that way.. refuses to keep in touch with me regarding our daughter, we have no way to reach him should we need to (and we dont), but he has the money and ability to send jewelry and traipse across the country for a visit (hes been threatening to visit all year and has yet to show up or even call to arrange this). AND of course, this all gets discussed with my daughter instead of me, the person who does her schedule.

Uh huh - i smell a rat. Sure enough, i call the DA and they cannot serve court papers to him because he is not in Clark County and refuses to give his address. And his father lied and told the server that he is living in New Mexico, as opposed to Northern Nevada, where he really is. Something else not done no matter how hard we work at this, and we have been working at it for years.

And with all the disappointments and dishonesty, etc., I ask my child how she can even give this person the time of day.. and im told something is better than nothing. So much for progress on that. I still havent figured out what something she is talking about beyond a necklace sent.

The outcome.. my star is most definitely upside down, that would be a great description of my spirit this week... with maybe a little fire underneath it for my frustration. Urrrrrrgh!!!

Lord of Strength

Reading for the week of March 10:

1. What you have: 9 of Wands

2. What you need to know: 8 of Pentacles reversed

3. What you get: Star reversed.

I think the card I am most identifying with this week is the first, as when i drew it, it really illustrated best how am was feeling. So I went into the weekend recovering, so to speak, from my tiff with Eric, feeling totally high from reading with the witches on Thursday night.. Coffee meetup was really a lot of fun, gave out some of my cards, which was kewl. Still dreading our meetup for Saturday night. BUT.. i spent the afternoon preparing - i had this total Wheel presentation ready to go on the IPOD, the works. 1 person shows up. 8 RSVPs, and 1 person there.

So I really think this card is a great self portrait. Because im pretty sick and tired of wasting my energy on a group and a group of people who really do not seem to share my passion. Its been a pretty disappointing endevour for me in this regard, as our group in Las Vegas was really a lot of fun and we had made so many kewl friends and connections, people I still talk to today having moved 3000 miles away. The group inspired me and motivated me, and helped me. This group here.. i feel like I have been working and working and fighting and fighting for something that only I really want. And I cannot say I am enjoying it, because I am not. So here I am in this card.. building up my wall around me in frustration and defeat and annoyance.. yet I know inside that I cannot let this kind of thing get me down. I can see from this card that I am pretty much at the end of this, with this card being a 9. I know the deal, the only thing not done is for it to be in front of me, which would probably look more like some very honest and frank direct conversations which I am not motivated to do. And I think that also really isolates me but at the same time i see its finishing..

The 8 of pentacles reversed as what I need to know is a little trickier for me. On the one hand, it could simply be the opposite of its upright implying im not doing enough work or working and concentrating hard enough. I dont think that works for me, i really do not think that is true. I worked pretty darn hard on Saturday in preparation and usually work pretty hard at coming up with ideas, etc.

It can also refer to being tired of working so hard or feeling stuck at a dead end job, wishing to change occupations, lack of concentration. It also talks about inner work and therapy, working through patterns, writing daily. This might be more the case, but im not sure where the wisdom lies in this.. ? I definitely feel stuck professionally and even with this group, for sure. I have been working on inner stuff, no therapy, sorry. And Im writing more than I have in years, so thats true. Maybe its that i need to keep going with this and follow through in spite of how Im feeling.. Maybe that is the way out.

So what i get is my star still being upside down, meaning my clarity of vision is lacking, not seeing the true star in myself.. time for being rather than doing. Okaaaay..

I guess clarification is coming next week..lol.

My spirit card for the week is RELATIONSHIP: Your energies will attract new people into your life. I could use some of that for sure!! Uh oh - there goes my Star turning again!

Validation

I am most restless today, i should be working but have much on my mind in regard to the Wheel. In the past few weeks, the things I needed to know really did not have a huge effect on my life generally, this week the wheel has been turning and really been huge for me.

So Eric and I have this ongoing issue since this summer, and we had a huge argument earlier this week and we are speaking but its weird. So yesterday I pull a relationship spread:

1. The Querent - The Queen of Wands reversed - Bingo.
2. My immediate lesson - 4 of Wands
3. The bigger picture - Page of Cups reversed.
4. What I should do - The Wheel of Fortune

5. What I should not do - 4 of pentacles

6. Situation feeding into the core of issue - 10 of pentacles.

This was a pretty huge reading. When the Queen of Wands is upside down, she is not just being a bitch and witch but also feeling like her growth is being strained and difficult, ambitions being thwarted. She goes from being not just fire in temper but ice cold in her demeanor, withholding affection and warmth. This would absolutely describe me and my feelings toward my current situation. It feels to me like everyone is out there growing and doing the things they need to become who they are supposed to.. while Im sitting here at home not able to go anywhere or do anything except sit at my desk and work. Which ticks me off and frustrates me because it is not a situation totally within my control (if it was i certainly would not be here).

The immediate picture is the 4 of wands - which refers to our home, our life, marriage.. This card in this position is always read as upright.

Feeding into the situation was the 10 of pentacles - which is a card that shows life carrying on, we see a village and the family moving through their affairs. One of the aspects of this is seeking permanance, and i think this card talks about what we are trying to achieve and what we want our life to look like with all of us busy and happy and getting things done.

Over top - the bigger picture - Page of cups reversed. Now Eric frequently describes himself as the Page of Cups. So Im looking at this and seeing that both the Queen of Wands (me) and the Page of Cups (him) are upside down - Ya! Seeing the Page over my head did not do much for my mood..lol. And being the very feminine, upside down Queen I am, I immediately think that this Page is Eric, and it very well could be..

But on closer inspection of who the Page of Cups reversed is, Im not so sure: He is afraid of love, denies vulnerability. Loss of innocense. Needing constant assurance that you are loved. Oversensitivity and sensibility. Unromantic, callous. Maybe you have decided you will never be vulnerable again. Obsessed with magic and spirits.

This could very well be Eric, but I do have to keep in mind that people around us are mirrors of ourselves - and what part of that Page is me?

What should I do - Wheel of Fortune. Understand this too shall pass, it may be on a negative turn, but this is followed by positive times too. Keep it in scale, knowing also that Eric's wheel is turning as well as Blysse's wheel which feel different than my wheel and cycles. Maybe I should be appreciating the other things in my life and be looking around me for those instead of just being fixated on those things which do not make me happy..

What should I not do - 4 of Pentacles. Hmmm.. this is a tougher one. Maybe not be so fixated on the material things (easy to say but very difficult when you do not have things like a car to leave your house!). Maybe not be so protective over my heart.. ?

So we were hanging out with the witches in Winston Salem last night. We had the best time!! It was tarot night and we had some new readers, some experienced some not.. and we did some great readings last night. And what reassuring card came up for someone - thats right The Wheel of Fortune! It was great to give her that gift!! And I think we are coming up to a new cycle with that group with some new ideas, and I loved that!

And - I just got my first BOTA packet yesterday too - and Im beyond excited!! So I think the wheel is moving around this week, in that I felt kinda stuck with Tarot now that class has been suspended until after the Studio and Ive been having a tougher time with our own group.. it was great to have the BOTA stuff come and also have a great night of readings this week in Winston Salem. Im feeling really good about that today and heading into the weekend..

Where we will cover The Wheel of Fortune Saturday night - coincidence - i think not! I wish the Wheel in that regard was more upright though..

The Wheel in the Sky

My reading for this week:

1. What I have: 6 of Wands

2. What I need to know: Wheel of Fortune Reversed

3. What I get: 4 of Pentacles

So I think the 6 of wands has to do with getting through this past weekend, which was very hectic. It was parent weekend, and I had no idea what we were going to face with the coming of the weekend. My parents came out, which was great, and I was not nervous,but with my family, you just never know how its gonna go. Also we were concerned about the teacher conferences, as Blysse has been having some trouble in a few of her classes. I also wanted to come out of the weekend with possibly new friends.

I think on all levels we were pretty victorious. We really enjoyed the time with my parents, even in spite of some issues, it was a great visit. The conferences went much better than I thought, and so I would definitely consider those a victory. We also met the mother of one of Blysse's classmates who will probably be moving here, and she was just lovely and we did some readings for her and her friend. So I think I really started out the week having had a great outcome to the past weekend.

But what i need to know for this coming week surrounds the Wheel of Fortune - Reversed. Im not sure what this will be surrounding. Not coincidentally, we will be studying the Wheel this weekend in our Tarot Meetup.. maybe its referring to possibly being stuck with that, as our group is not the largest yet and we have some people who will not be there.. and i am worried about how things are shaping up with the group. So I can see it might be referring to this.

Maybe it is referring to me being stuck.. but this would be in a much bigger way than normally. Im not really sure how it fits in with my first card.. or if it even needs to.

This led me to seek the secret of the Wheel, which is Scale. What does this mean - great question, because at first glance, i had no idea myself. Per Wald Amberstone from the Secrets of Tarot classes: "When The Wheel of Fortune comes up in a reading, its secret reminds you that your situation is unimaginably rich with possibility if you look above, below, within and beyond your normal range of vision."

The 4 of pentacles talks about being focused on material things, accumulating things of power and wealth and assuring that you can keep them. He is the miser of the deck. I also see him as a protected person, as the pentacle in this deck covers his heart and above and below him. As an outcome it could be me being more protected financially, which would be nice. It could mean im getting more stingy, hopefully not..lol. Maybe things remain safe and tight and getting financially better or at least maintaining status quo.. ill take that.

How do I relate that to the Wheel and what i need to know.. ? I think some validation will be needed on this one.

My spirit card for the week: Spirit. Taking a leap of faith, knowing that you are guided and protected. This would fit with the 4 of Pentacles, i think.